Dreams
by TheWriterWhoIsAlone
Summary: When dreams become nightmares, when reality sets in. What happens when Maura and Jane must choose what they want for their future? Africa? Casey? Will they discover something more in the middle of an emotional mess? **Spoiler Alert! To Season 5 Coming Up** Review! :) so far I have been re-editing this as I go along. So try to look for missed information by going back! RIZZLES
1. Down in Africa

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

It is claimed that not everyone dreams in color. It is believed that some may dream much as a dog views the world, in black and white. It is said that this occurs due to many complexities, mainly psychological, physiological, which one such as Dr. Maura Isles could easily explain within seconds, probably using a higher vocabulary than an English professor. Now dreams may go sour within a moment. Detective Jane Rizzoli knows this. Living a nightmare in both her reality and her subconscious is something she is used to.

"Mau-"

That's when it hits her.

No, the queen of the dead literally hits her, along with some of her nightmares and dreams rolled into one.

A purposeful slap to the face was prominently faced upon her leaving with it a red mark indentation of the doctor's healing hands.

"Now that's irony." Jane retorts shock still somewhat prominent.

"What detective? That you could not "deduce" your way into my mind. Play the same game with me as your criminals?" Maura was livid, not even coming up with a coherent answer.

"Oh look at that! Look who is talking about mind games, the prominent doctor with a degree. Trust me you know way more about that than I ever would.  
What I really meant is that I know how soft and gentle those hands can be, how they can help when needed-"

Jane is on a rant when the good doctor interrupts.

"Shut up!" Maura answers "You are nothing but a fatue! You want to talk about mind games? Talk about Casey that's all he is doing with you right now, playing mind games!"

"Ha, oh look it's the loser who knows Latin. You brought it up Dr. Isles! Speaking of which Casey? Casey?! We were not even discussing him when you decided to resort to physical violence. We were talking about…"

"Hope! I know! MY decision to let Hope take me to Africa to do studies with her alongside Ian! Which, investigator, in case you were wondering, I have been totally confused about how answer."

And in that moment everything hits Jane. It hits her more than the baseball when she was in 3rd grade. More than never being able to play the piano as she once did after Hoyt. More than Hoyt himself and the hundreds of nightmares she had of him, killing her dreams. Jane had reacted badly calling Ian names not letting Maura explain.

"Maura - I-"

"You what Jane?" She questioned as ice filled her voice.

"You won't come back. You have always been slumming with us and you won't come back."Jane was defeated in her tone. The "to me" being was implied as she spoke.

"I didn't come here to talk, not like this, so when you want to apologize for your irrational thinking I'll be here."

"That's just it! You won't!" Anger now rose in the detective "You will not be here! Not if you go to Africa! You act like no one gives you the time of day. No one cares about the real you, but you run. You don't give chances. Hiding behind statistics and science saying that no one could care because it has not been proven- and now you're going to run off? Unprepared?-that's not the per-"

Maura sighed.

"Not the person I know Jane?" She finished her sentence for her growing tired of fighting and yelling and slapping, just growing tired. "Well that's just it. The person I know would have never said yes to Casey either. She would have realized in the second after the proposal that it was covered with emotional blackmail, it was not a great love. He made you choose life or death for him! Being a soldier and being hurt the way he has he would have known you could not let him go back into combat. Maybe we just don't know each other like we used to. Maybe that's why I need to leave. You obviously just gave me the answer I needed, the consent through your actions. I was going to speak with you Jane that was always my aim. Work with you as we always have. We were always good together. The constant for me here, which is you Jane, is changing. It is just like the variables in my experiments. Funny thing is you did push me away. You didn't let me say I was still wandering, and wondering upon my reply. Then you said you were getting-"

She could not make out the word married if her life depended on it.

"You said that your answer was yes."

"Muar…" Now Jane felt regretful and that heavy heart felt more prominent from the cheek which had become numb a while before.

"If you had said something to me it could had been different. If you had listened to what I had to say before acting it would have changed the results. I wanted love; I wanted family and home, here, in Boston." Maura had to get her emotions out at one or not at all.

"You are my best friend Maura! What did you want from me? What DO you want from me? Huh? What did you want? You want me to push you up against the table?"

Jane talked and acted roughly with Maura doing as she said. Rizzoli cornered her as if she were a perpetrator against the doctor's autopsy table which so happened to be empty.

"Kiss you? Squeeze you? Love you—you know I love you. I have never said it but you know it is true!"

Maura reacted. She played and toyed coming closer to the detective.

"I wanted you to change the game. Then I did not want you to. We were comfortable, and you changed the game. And now we are so close...

I was there for Hoyt, for the Boston strangler, you, shooting yourself. We moved passed Doyle. We moved passed broken hearts. We always came back to each other. "

Maura was fighting against Jane's slight hold which now had some tenderness, never enough to hurt her.

That's when it happened. Their faces inches apart. Their phones buzz. They break apart.

"Isles"

"Rizzoli, yeah."

Both take a professional approach and change their voices immediately. It is all they know how to do.

"Oh it was a rushed emergency call to the scene?" Inquires the doctor as normal as usual.

"You had to leave without me?" Jane states.

"Yes, we are in the morgue we can be at the site ASAP."

Both hang up.

"We will discuss this later after I drive us to the scene." the oldest Rizzoli sibling tries to make amends taking a softer tone much like the earlier gentler touch.

"No, we won't. I will take my own car and will see you at the crime detective." The coldness which was about to thaw is back with vengeance.

"Fine I cannot control you, never could!" The shout from the low vibrato echoes the room.

"Fine, then leave me be. Like I told your mother, I'm used to being alone." She is tired once again.

Jane storms out, and Maura does not follow. Riding the elevator, towards the main exit, just as the doors are about to close shut she throws her phone against the elevator wall.

It is only 11:30 A.M.; she had planned on a full day of paperwork. She wanted there to be easiness, a flow that she somehow always found even in the hard times. This was far from easy.


	2. Tears of a clown

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Maura took her time getting to the scene. She did not want to face anyone. Frost, Frankie, Korsak, and even Jane were all bound to be there. Maybe there was a reason they were called later than the rest. Maybe the universe wanted Jane and her to work things out. She started going towards her car and driving to the scene. She could not think about that. She had to focus. Clear her thoughts. If Jane clouded her mind she would never be able to think straight. Ha. THIS was Irony. Now she could never be able to tell her. Not after she threatened her with leaving. She could never be able to say no to Casey. What was she doing? Buried feelings are so wrong. She was wrong. Socially inept one might call it, but this felt more than that.

She knew that Jane's wedding day was quickly approaching. She was her bridesmaid, her acclaimed Maid of Honor. She never gave any implication that she may leave after the wedding but it really was an amazing offer. It was a chance to open better relationships with her biological mother, be with Ian. Maybe the universe was not telling her to stay but go. It must have been fate for Ian and Dr. Martin meeting before she came for Carlin, her other daughter, Maura's half sister, to gain a kidney. Now Carlin was better. Now she was in college with her own apartment tired of her mother's doting ways, but understating her love. Maura now wanted time. She wanted love.

She had no idea why or from who but she was tired of being so isolated. After everything that happened with Doyle, Jane shooting him, realizing what a monster he was, she wanted to see that not all of where she came from was bad or pure evil. She had hope in Dr. Hope Martin. Constance, her adoptive mother would be nothing but supportive she knew. They shaped a new relationship of their own since the day Jane took her to the art instillation. That's when she pulled up to the crime scene.

"Hello there!" A male clown with his makeup on and shoes said with a laugh that could not be mistaken.

Around them there were people enjoying the fair. She knew now that whatever must be done must be done quickly because these fairs travel.

If they left state lines without catching the killer they would never be able to prosecute. She wondered why people were still wandering about.

"Do you know where the homicide investigation is?"

"Oh yeah, they are over there by the tilt-a-whirl."

"Thank you."

She makes her way towards the ride and sure enough they were right there with the area closed off. The body was on the grown looking as if it had fallen off of the ride as it was going.

"Hello Frost, Korsak."

Surprisingly Frankie was not there. Must me on another assignment Maura assumed.

"Doctor Isles! Would you like to view the body?" Barry frost answered with a grin.

"That would be lovely. The just starting out in rigor now. Let me see. Ligature marks on the neck. It looks small as if the person would not think we would catch them or done in haste. Which means the murder weapon was thin like a cable or string."

"Hello!" A voice calls.

"This is a homicide investigation! Leave the premises now!" Jane grows lividly as she turns away from them to face a man. Maura watches intently.

She is still upset. The doctor knows. Everyone knows apparently. Frost and Korsak's eyebrows shoot up just as she looks back toward them and makes eye contact. Surprise, the emotion most commonly associated with this facial movement. She just shakes her head and faces the body again.

"I'm the manager of the fair miss. I figured you might want to know some things." He holds out his hand to shake. Jane could feel the sleaze oozing off of him.

"And what would you like to contribute sir?"

"Well he was our maintenance worker so it would not be a far leap to say that he may have been trying to fix the ride. We have been getting complaints of it stopping in the middle of rides for seconds at a time."

"Well thank you but we will determine what truly happened here. Now if you don't mind…"

"Fine." He says as he starts walking away. "But don't say I did not warn you."

Just as he is out of sight and out of ear shot Jane looks to frost.

"Run a background check on Mr. Manager when we get back to the precinct okay frost?"

"Are you alright Rizzoli?" Korsak questioned after seeing the way that she acted since the doctor came.

"I'm just peachy. Why don't you talk to Doctor Isles?" She spits with more acidity to her tone than she would want to towards the man who was like a father to her.

"Jane-"Frost warns her.

"Sorry Korsak."

She means it. She had no right to be angry with Korsak. He was just a person trying to help her. In all actuality she wanted him to go with her mom. He deserved someone nurturing and if her mother could get over her being a cop and her ex-lieutenant Cavanaugh she might find some happiness with the man.

Now he looked towards the woman dressed as impeccably as ever.

"Maura?" he questions.

"I-I-"She is at a loss for words. A rarity for the wordy woman.

"She is leaving us." Jane states blankly, numb.

"What!?" Frost and Korsak, say in unison. They were the least to say, shocked.

Jane laughed bitterly to herself, they had reacted like she had when she when she first heard. At least they did not immediately start bad mouthing as they heard of Africa. At least they did not earn a slap.

"Well- I don't know Maura. We would be so lost without you! I mean I know the odds of an M.E. staying with us for as long as you have but still."

"Ugh Pike." Korsak groans.

"Ugh. No." Jane had not even thought about that.

"It is a good opportunity though." Now the three looked at Korsak with shocked expressions of their own.

"Thank you very much sergeant!" Maura states flabbergasted, which is something that is rare. "At least someone sees its value. And as I told Detective Rizzoli, I had not decided until she… well that does not matter, but it seems as if my decision has been made. I do not know how long I will continue but I promise to leave you in capable hands."

"So Doc-"Frost is hesitant while Jane who has just been listening remains silent. "Is this for sure?"

She looks towards Jane. She is stonewalled, no response.

"Yes. I do not know how or when but I am leaving Boston. Now get the body to my autopsy table quickly please. I wish to start the investigation at the earliest time available so we may have a chance of catching the murderer. Fairs never say in one place long. "

"Did your years of schooling teach you that?" Jane asks now hurt and wounded.

"Jane, partner!" Another warning comes from Frost. Now he is clearly exasperated.

"Don't." She responds "I'm going to check the perimeter." She says as she walks off.

"Thank you gentlemen I'll see you soon I am sure." Says Maura as she follows Jane's leads and retreats herself heading back to the lab.

The doctor walks to her car, gets in; driving with what seemed the starting of tears.


	3. Mother knows best

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

The day was long for Jane, too long, and it was not even over yet. When she got back to the station she decided to go down to the café for a late lunch. It was only 1:28 P.M. and she figured she had a right to eat.

"Hey ma." Jane usually used a simple greeting such as this with her mother so she could be direct as it was that the woman opposite had a knack for drawing a conversation out not unlike Maura. Well she did refer to the woman as a second daughter.

"Janie!" Angela said with immense joy and life there was usually in her voice. She was also a server at the café in the precinct and grew concerned as she noticed how dejected her daughter was. Jane thought how her enthusiasm only faltered when her father broke her heart little by little. "What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing…" Jane tried to seem nonchalant but this was not lost upon her knowing mother.

"Rizzoli!" Stanley, the restaurant owner croaked. "Take your daughter's order and get back to work."

He was often overworking the poor woman. Luckily the lunch rush had mainly passed. There really was no pressure.

"Yes Sir Mr. Stanley." A sense of urgency filled her voice. "Jane what would you like?"

"Just a sandwich ma, thanks." She responded with at least a fraction of a true smile. Her mother could always get her emotions on track, even if she was abrasive at times doing it.

"Don't go anywhere honey, I'll bring it right out to you."

As Angela exited towards the back Jane picked a table. Subconsciously choosing the one she and Maura usually sat at. Within 10 minutes her mother came out with the sandwich and sat next to her.

"What are you doing ma? You are on the clock." She questioned the woman with caring eyes and nothing but worry.

"I told my boss I needed to take a break to talk with my child! I am pretty sure it is illegal here in America not to give breaks and I hardly ever ask for anything-Talk to me sweetie!"

"It's nothing ma, just Maura." She replied simply testing the waters. She was not sure if Maura had come in and talked to her mother about the incident already, or said anything about Casey before anything transpired. They had been engaged for a few months now with the wedding quickly approaching.

"It has never been just Maura sweetie. You two are inseparable, best friends." The older woman replies with a smile.

"I know ma, but I really think I screwed up big time on this one! I mean usually I would be down there with her right now as she performs the autopsy on our new victim, but instead she is hurt. She probably will not be my maid of honor anymore let alone a bridesmaid . She is confused about Casey, I don't know why… and… and…I think she is moving to Africa!"

Jane rushed the last part with a wince of pain filling her voice. Had she driven Maura away? Honestly? Made her feel unwanted? That was the last thing she would ever desire to do.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, you better not cost me my Beacon Hill guest room in that house!"

"MA! This is more serious than that! What do I do?" Jane was at her wits end.

"Jane listen to me, this is not easily fixed. You have to talk to her. No matter what there has to be a plan in place if she stays or goes."

Usually Jane would ignore her mother, but she knew she was right. This was why whenever there was trouble with Maura she would discuss it with her. She knew that she cared deeply for both women and would be sound.

"Alright I will. I promise."

"Janie can I ask you something, as someone who loves you?"

"Of course you can! It's me! I'll give you a straightforward answer too!" She chuckled half-heartedly.

"Do you love Casey? Really love him?"

"I think I do, I mean, yeah, I'm marrying the guy aren't I?"

"See? You cannot even give ME a straightforward answer. Have you ever given Maura a reason to question your loyalty to him?"

"Well I told her before how sometimes I feel like he smothers me. I know he loves me but it's just easier when he was at war. I didn't have to worry as much."

"Well that may make her question your answer, thinking it is swaying you towards your yes. The fear of having him back at war would if you said no, it would stir up a type of reaction in you, and she fears that… I don't know… it may be a bad one."

Jane had never considered that. Not truly thinking about it, until it came out of someone's mouth other than the woman. She had ignored that slip during their fight. Emotional blackmail, that's what she meant.

"Honey she is scared she may lose you." Angela continues breaking her of her train of thought.

It was all becoming clearer to Jane.

"Enough jibber-jabber Rizzoli you have to get back to work. I gave you enough time." Stanley called from across the cashier's station.

"I got to go baby. It will all be alright. I love you."

Just like that Jane was left alone again.

She stated scarfing down her sandwich. She was ravished. She had no breakfast just a doughnut and coffee.

Uncertainty was still filling her mind but there was less confusion.

She knew her plan of action and that in itself helped her feel better about the whole situation and set her mind somewhat at ease. When Jane Rizzoli put her mind to something nothing could stop her except for herself and with this notion she was determined.

She would talk to Maura. She would show her she cared. She would be the best friend she deserved.

Jane Rizzoli was going to show Maura she could never be alone. Not as long as she was alive.

She started to exit planning to cover new information with Frost or Korsak.

That's when it happened. She walked in. Maura walked in, just as she opened the door, no warning. Oh god. She thought she would go to the Dirty Robber for lunch or something. She thought she would have already had lunch already. She didn't know what she thought. She could not think. With that, all her resolve was gone.

Maura looked just as shocked. Face to face with enough distance it seemed as if Maura had already moved. They brought down the walls of each other in the most astonishing and peculiar ways.

"Doc-Doctor Isles." Jane stammered out the sentence.

"Hello detective. Did you need to ask me something?"

"No. No. Do the boys have the information of your findings?"

"Yes. Sadly most of it was inconclusive. We got blood, which means DNA, under his fingernails, but you know as well as I that it is nothing without the murder weapon. The main suspect, the manager, was cleared. Even if it were him we cannot bring him or anyone in without probable cause. "

"Was he in a relationship?"

"Frost stated that yes. He found his girlfriend. He is investigating further."

"Thank-thank you-for being- um- courteous to me. I will see you later, doctor."

In all honesty Jane guessed it was because she was taken by surprise. She ran out, going to speak to Frost and the others. She could not think. She had to focus.


	4. Me Jane, you Maura

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Jane was nervous. It was 8:00 and she should be with Casey in her apartment, but she is not. Instead she is almost as nervous as she was when she went to her first dance. Having to wear a formal dress just to get in, seriously? You could have killed her right then and there and that would have been fine. She rang the door bell and could hear it from the outside. Jeez she was a kid. Acting the way she was did not come easy unless it was to a child.  
She heard Maura's heels coming closer.

Maura was right; she owed her an apology, but wanted some answers in return. The question was what should be asked? The door was opened quickly. Maura did not even check who it was. She would have to speak to her about that. It was not safe.

"Yes?"

"Hi Maur."

"Jane? What are you doing here?"

"I needed to speak with you."

"Come in."

"Thank you."

Jane hands Maura the bouquet of flowers she brought.

"Hi Bass!" Jane grins. The turtle, or rather, please excuse, tortoise, was there in the kitchen. "How is my favorite turtle?" She quips.

"Tortoise Jane, Bass is a tortoise."

"I know. I just like getting under your skin." Jane smirked.

"And you are quite good at that aren't you?" Maura questioned. "Why are you here?"

This wasn't anger. Just banter. It was a commonality for the women. Much like when they truly did argue they relied on work to keep them at least on speaking terms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Maur. That's why I am here. You're my Google mouth pointdexter know it all. You're my goofy goofball of a friend. You mean so much to me."

Maura just released a breathy laugh. All the anxiety washed away, all the fear.

"Jane, I want what is best for you. You know that."

"I know and I do too. You know how protective I am."

"Oh Jane, I was so petrified at the thought of losing you, of losing your family, and losing part of myself with it."

"Maura you can never lose me. Like you said, we always make it back to each other." Jane gave her signature Rizzoli grin.

"I'm sorry to Jane. If you truly love Casey, then I, as a friend, I must understand and come to terms with it."

Just like that the cloud which had been lifted came crashing down the storm harder than ever before.

"Yeah, yeah Maur, no I get it, I get it now."

"Jane, are you going to marry him?"

"Are you going to Africa?"

Maura covers Jane's hands with her own. This was going to be hard. She traced her scars with her fingers. Innocently of course, but it was one of the most intimate gestures which had ever occurred between them.

"I'm not giving you an ultimatum Jane. Do not expect me to. I am not Casey, and you know I cannot lie. The second I heard of this opportunity it left me in awe. Inner struggle for working with M.E.N.D. and with the fugitive I harbored, well it was a bit much, along with your engagement. I decided though, I will be going to Africa. Now it seems I am more welcome to return than I was then just hours ago, which always gives me options."

"Great so we are the backup plan."

"I did not say that Jane!"

"Fine fine! I don't want to argue. We obviously cannot cage each other up. We both need to experience the world. That's okay. It is what needed to help people grow."

"Jane, you know there will always be a bond which cannot be broken between us. It will be alright."

"What are we going to do? I feel as if we have made a mess of things."

"You are getting married. I am going to Africa. We will both be happy for one another. Can you say it Jane?"

"I am getting married. You are going to Africa. We will be happy for each other." She was barely able to get the words out.

"But right now, you are staying the night."

"I should get back to Casey. Take Jo Friday out."

Jo Friday was her scruffy dog that she came to love in time.

"Casey can sleep alone for one night Jane!" She chuckled. "I'm sure he already took your little girl out."

She was referring to Jo. Oh was it not mentioned it was short for Josephine? Even her dog has an androgynous name.

"Fine."Jane takes off her jacket showing off her arms only in pants and a muscle tee now. "But only because it is late and you offered. Plus I'm done fighting with you. Just let me call him."

The call was brief, direct and to the point, just like she was.

"I am too detective smarty pants." She whispered giggling now in the middle of the conversation. This earned her a little swat from Jane and she laughed and hung up.

"Go get your pajamas and get comfortable."

Jane had stayed over so often due to cases that she always had extra outfits and pajamas and necessities lounging around the home at her convince. At least she had not actually moved in as her mother had. Although this had been less often due to Casey, she knew she could always count on Maura having a place for her.

"I don't get how you are the one going to Africa! Isn't the line like "Me Tarzan, you Jane" Not "You Jane, me Maura", oh wait well I guess Ian's name would be there somewhere. Yeah…"

Maura just stared blankly. Jane could tell she didn't get her flub, thankfully, but then something dawned on her. It seemed as if she didn't get the reference at all.

"Wait you have never seen Tarzan?!"

"I don't believe so, no."

"Oh no way that is impossible!" Jane was astonished. "We have to watch it now!"

"Alright." The corners of Maura's lips perked up. "Now get changed."

She did as told. At least for that night they could pretend the future had no role in their lives. Jane went into Maura's master bed room and changed her bottoms. Her tee would do for the night. She heard a knock on the room door.

"Go away. I'm changing." Jane said with hilarity filling her husky voice.

Maura just laughed and opened the door. She had become quite good in hearing the sarcasm and humor. They undid the covers together. Maura backed away from the bed.

"Don't look." Maura said as she pulled out her own silk pajamas from her dresser. It was easier just changing in the room than having to go into her extensive closet to change. Her pajamas were in her dresser as were Jane's clothes, in a different drawer of course but she wanted to get situated quickly.

"Wouldn't dream of it. Don't flatter yourself doctor." Jane gave slight chuckle.

She respected Maura more than that.

"Maura can I ask you something?"

"Why of course." She smiles

"Do you think YOU will be happy? Over here? So far away?"

Maura could tell she was not being patronizing anymore.

"I believe so. I will miss you and the others deeply but I feel I will have a different type of fulfillment."

She put her left arm behind her head as she usually did when they lay in bed together. They would platonically lie in bed of course. Silence took over. A contemplating silence.


	5. Pack your bags

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Maura broke the silence this time.

"I'm happy we are okay Jane. Truly."

"Maura, how about we spend the day together tomorrow? Call into the job. Take a day for us. Nothing can get done until we can find more information, and if any breaking news occurs Frost can get us."

None of this had been Jane's plan, but it didn't feel forced, but felt more right than a lot of things had. She wanted to be with Maura while she could. Who knew how long this would last.

"That sounds extraordinary wonderful Jane. What would you like to do?"

"Leave that to me. I may have to run a few personal errands but you know how it is. We can talk about it tomorrow."

"Perfect." Maura yawned. Drowsiness slowly overtook her. She couldn't help but feel warm with another body next to hers. She feels safe with Jane in the room. This was the best she felt since finding out about the marriage.

Maura woke up to the smell eggs, espresso, and toast. At first she was delirious wondering if it was Angela. Then she saw the other half of the covers messed up, obviously being slept in. She smiled. The pillow still smelled like her best friend.

She headed towards the delicious smells.

"Well well, aren't we a heavy sleeper?" asks Jane.

"Well we are up a little early. I thought we were going to sleep in Janie."

Jane smiles at the pet name. It is the first time she hears her family nickname from Maura's mouth and she loves it.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I just wanted to have this day with you."

"It's alright. Did you call us in?" Maura tasseled her hair. Then went closer to Jane and played with her unruly mane.

"Yep of course you don't have to worry that brain of yours!"

"This better not be instant!" Maura jests.

"Of course it isn't! I learned my lesson the first time! You didn't speak to me for days!"

"So what are we going to do today anyway? You're being very secretive!" Maura had curiosity in her voice. Jane loved it when that happened. It told her she was treating whatever was around her like a puzzle.

"Ah fine, I'll tell you. " Jane couldn't hold it in anymore.

They ate for a moment feeling content. Jane spoke, wondering if this moment would set the tone for the day. Maura could tell she was trying to find the right words. This made her feel a little anxious.

"I was thinking. I know you enjoy shopping and if it is not too much to ask, I mean considering everything that happened recently, will you uh go with me to do some wedding stuff? I mean you still are my bridesmaid yeah?"

"Oh um, yes if you still give me the title. I thought I was more than that. I thought I was the maid of honor! That should not be a problem."

"Of course you are! Obviously! Thank you so much darling you are a life saver."

"You know I am here for you, always."

"I know, I know."

They get ready quickly. Eating their food, Maura choosing what she would wear for the day would always get Jane flustered. Being the Italian she was it was in her nature and her genetics or rather DNA to be impatient. She hummed the jeopardy theme song as she waited outside of the closet for Maura. At least this time she didn't have to look away.

"Oh hush!" Maura said with a snigger, coming out just as the detective stopped humming. "Will you do me up?" she asked gently.

"What do you mean?"

"My necklace. Will you do it for me?"

"Oh, yeah it will be easy."

Maura handed her the necklace which matched her dress and shoes perfectly. The whole ensemble brought out her hazel eyes wonderfully.

She moved her hair off of her neck. She had to get over Maura's intoxicating perfume. Her neck was bare. It was dying to be kissed. They were both oblivious to the change they brought upon one another.

Both thought their minds had their own thoughts but coming up with the same mantra in their head which had become a sort of prayer.

"Marriage. Africa. Africa. Marriage. Africa."

"M" Jane states.

"What?" Maura is broken from the trance she was in.

"M-li-like Maura." Jane Stumbles she too was awoken when she stated the letter. She tried to save herself. "I was just trying to tell you I was done putting on the necklace. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Maura acknowledges smiles.

Jane opens Maura's front door for her.

"I am driving!" She states.

"Janeeee." Maura whines. I hate it when you drive!"

"Why? I am a good driver! Plus I have a few tricks up my sleeve, a few surprises."

"Fine you may drive, but only because I like you." Maura laughs quietly.

"Thank you!"

They go off driving in the morning sun. It was quiet but not awkward. Again Jane feels happy. There is no regret. Casey is working with the veterans. Jane enjoys this freedom with her confidant. Things had been awkward since she told her the plans and it all boiled over during their argument. She apologized and was pleased she did. She needed Maura and wanted her to always be a part of her life. Jane had grown up since shooting Doyle and learned if she could own up to her own mistakes things would be easier to get passed. Maura would see she was trying. The investigator saw that. They got to the bridal shop. Jane got the most perfect dress. They then went cake testing and reserved the church for her wedding. Jane's mom would never forgive her if she was not married in a big church, a big catholic wedding.

This was all very surprising. Maura wondered if Casey should be the one doing the taste testing and booking of venues with Jane. She had to admit that the dress was her place, but the rest she was uncertain about. She really was growing tired. She did not want to seem upset but seeing all this moving forward made her feel stuck. She did not know when she would leave but knew that eventually there was only so much she could take. She was breaking. She was hurting. They were in the car once again, so much running around. They stopped in front of yet another store. This was unusual though. They stepped into a store with nothing not travel supplies. Maura thought to herself that Jane must be there to get travel luggage for her honeymoon. She shuddered at the thought. No, that cannot happen. She could not be upset.

"What are we doing now Jane?"

Jane had a smile. A melancholy one at that, but she had planned this since the beginning of the day.

"We are here for you."

"What?"

"Well if you are going to Africa you need luggage right? After being so supportive of me today, I mean, it's the least I can do. I'm getting married in a month. I figured, I don't know when you are leaving but I can help. You of all people should be prepared. I do not want you to go you know that. I just want to show you, not just tell you, that, I will be here if you decide to come back, just like I said before. This isn't just my life. It is your life. You are your own person. We are a unit in our own way. I understand."

This was just as hard for Jane, but she knew it had to be done. She had to show support just as Maura had. Her every thought, emotion, had to be told through this one action. She must tell his side of the story, her devotion.


	6. Soldier boy

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

She went home that night. After everything that happened. She went to her apartment. Jane got home after making popcorn and watching Tarzan. After running around, running Maura ragged.

"Hi baby."

Casey's voice came.

"Hello."

"How was your day at work?"

"Oh I am sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't go into work today."

"Oh. Well that is for the best." He says.

"What do you mean? "

"Oh just that you know as well as I that it is very dangerous."

"Honestly things have been strained between Maura and I and I spent the day with her. That's the only reason that I didn't go in today."

"That's another thing. I understand that she is your best friend but you need to come home at night. I let last night slide darling but it is best if you well manage your time better."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Look. I understand I really do. I'm just saying I want you to be with me, you can understand that can't you?"

"Casey. Honestly. I cannot deal with this right now. I'm with you right now aren't I? No new information came in for our new case so I didn't have to go in! Not only this, but I can also count on my two hands how many times I have actually been in danger. Don't talk about Maura or my job. She and I were fighting because of you! You cannot tell me not to see her! You are my fiancé but she may be moving to Africa, and I bet you didn't even know that."

Jane still had hope she could change the doctor's mind. This was just as the doctor wanted to change hers when to marriage.

"Look I just want to make sure it is you and me. Forever. I could have not known about Maura moving, no one tells me these things. YOU hardly ever let me in."

Jane flinched. She knew it was true. She referenced her own PTSD, but Casey didn't know anything about her besides her high school past. He did not know how she lived with herself after everything she had lived, seen. She didn't understand it either. There it was again. Maura knew all of that. Those dark corners of her mind. She knew her well enough she could calm her down when no one else could. She could make her think rationally.

"Maura has been put in danger multiple times because of you please remember that too. Maybe it is best if you put some distance between the two of you."

Jane could not believe what she was hearing. She would never tell Maura of this discussion. He was right though. That's why she ended up being partially okay. Maura had been put in too much danger due to her job and Jane herself. Nothing could save her from becoming attached, and if anything really did happen to Maura she would not know what to do. She was willing to put Casey in that line of fire because he was a man and stronger but Maura, her sweet Maura? Never. Yet, Africa could be equally dangerous. Carlin got sick, who was to say Maura would not? She could have her heart broken by Ian again. It would be best if she were still in Boston where she could keep an eye on her. Protect her.

"Jane?" He could see that she was lost in herself "I love you."

The words carried so much weight with them, so much meaning, and words which could never be truly conveyed in one's lifetime. She knew the proper response. She knew what was right. It didn't feel right to her though. To say the words back. To say she loved the man. She would do it anyway however. As it was the correct thing to do.

"I…" She paused "I love you too."

He kissed her roughly.

"How about we go do things for the wedding tomorrow? Find a venue? Cake test? You can ask your mom to come and see the dresses, try some on! I'll go find a tux."

Oh her mother! She would have to get her okay on the dress.

"Oh, that is all um, taken care of. Don't worry."

"I just figured since you said it was slow. I mean if you have it done-"

"I do. Now let's go to bed."

"Fine Jane as you please."

They both got ready rather quickly. Tension and awkwardness filled the room.

"Are we alright? You are not upset right?

"I am fine Casey. Don't worry about it."

Apathy overcame her as he wrapped his arms around her. She felt numb once again. She felt no emotion to the action which was supposed to convey care. He should have made her feel protected and safe. He should have been her home. It should have been easy to feel domesticated with him. She did not. She remembered her earlier actions. Cooking for Maura? It had been usual, unproblematic. Was that not domestication? Was that not what a man was supposed to do for her? Drive their person around. Constantly making sure they were safe emotionally, physically?

Casey had fallen asleep quickly somewhere in between her thoughts. He snored. Ugh. It echoed throughout the confined space. She finally understood what her mother meant when she talked about her loathing of snoring. Her father would make the house rattle. Now Casey was in her apartment doing the same thing. This would not work. She had to find a way to make an effort though. It all left a bad taste in her mouth. Everybody went through pain, but this was different. She felt like more of a coward than ever. This was not right. She recognized it right then and there. She could never love the man next to her. He had never questioned her until that day. Her job, wants, needs, were not enough anymore for him, he wanted her to be his. What could she expect? He gave everything to her and wanted nothing less in return. She was now uncertain if she could do that. Sacrifice. Would she sacrifice? Could she sacrifice?

In that moment Fairfield also came to her. How inadequate she felt next to Maura when he was in the picture for a short time. She knew she would never be enough for her. She had to let her go. She had to marry. She would never be enough. She would never give her what she wanted. A white picket fence, the American dream of a man and woman and a family would always be out of reach. She had to let her find fulfillment. She would have to do exactly that.  
She would lie in front of god. She would say her vows. She would go on her honeymoon. She would let Casey make the choice by giving her an ultimatum. This was why. This was why she said yes in the first place. She remembered telling Maura.

_"Unless I marry him…"_  
_"Well are you going to?_  
_"Yes. I am."_

In that moment Maura looked as if someone may have well ripped her heart out. They could have killed her and kicked her. Jane could have killed herself too, knowing that she had caused it. Did Maura not realize that she was guilt ridden? Confused? She did not understand the doctor's reaction at all. Why did she? Suddenly Jane felt worn-out again. Wrapped in the arms of her lover not the one she loved. If she were selfish she would take Maura and never let her go, to Africa, to death, to anything, for anything. She would never let her go or let her run away as Jane had often. Jane, however, was not selfish.


	7. Where will I Go? What will I do?

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Jane got off on her floor.

"Frost! Korsak!" She called their names with joy. Jane is happy to be back at work.

"Well you seem to be in a better mood! Get the doc to stay did you?" Asked frost.

"No." Jane sighed. "She doesn't listen to me anyway."

"Yeah! She does!" He replies.

"Whatever I cannot control her. We just decided to be friends and not fight while we can."

"So ignore the problem? Hope one of them goes away?" Interjects Korsak.

"One of them? Maura going to Africa is the only problem?"

Frost Just shakes his head.

"Whatever you say Jane." Korsak answers.

"So give me an update." She says.

"Well the girlfriend is clean. Got her eating on tape at the assumed time of the murder. We found the murder weapon. A small cord just like Dr. Isles guessed. It was in the trash can. Took it in earlier for testing to make sure it matched what was found under the fingernails."

"Ah-we don't guess Frost." Jane laughed. She was mimicking Maura's words. The M.E. hated to guess.

"Oh yes of course investigator. Well as our lovely M.E. hypothesized it was a small thin steel cord. It seemed to be cut off the ride."

"So place anyone by the ride at the time of the murder- and-"

"We have our suspect."

"Motive?"

"We have to have our suspect first."

"Did they have security cameras at the scene?"

"I think so."

"It's a long shot but review the tapes and check to see if we come up with a face."

"I'm on it."

"I'll go down and see if Maura has any results."

She rubs her hands. It had become a habit, an act which was sort of ritual like .

She enters the room. The forensic pathologist was diligently studying the body once more just for thoroughness.

"See anything interesting?" Jane quips.

"Hello Jane! Sadly no, I am waiting for some results."

"As are we."

"So that's what brings you down?"

"Well I wanted to see my pal too, I don't think that's a crime. If so I shall be willing to arrest myself."

"Don't be silly Jane!"

Maura's honey blond hair was pulled back. Scalpel in hand. Jane loved viewing her like this so in her element.

"So one month huh?" Maura questioned.

She had not been able to get over that fact since she heard the detective say it. Who knew one word could shake her to her core.

"Yeah. It will come faster than expected."

"I am sure. Seems rushed no?"

"Well we have been engaged for a while huh? To me if I don't do it soon I never will."

"I see."

"When are you leaving?" Jane questions.

"Well actually- I-"

Just then Susie walked in.

"Hello doctor, detective. Doctor Isles the blood was found to be a match."

"Wonderful! Thank you very much senior criminalist Chang." Maura takes the paper with a smile.

She lets herself out.

"This is amazing news!" Maura exclaims.

"It is! A real break though." Jane replies.

Just then she receives a phone call.

"Yes. Mmmhuh. Fantastic. So we are going to go? Don't leave without me!"

Maura looked at Jane with eyebrows raised, ever the inquisitive person.

"Frost reviewed tape from around the time of the scene. It seems that one clown was unaccounted for."

Maura gasped.

"What is it Maur?"

"I saw that clown. He led me toward the crime scene. I cannot believe it. He was right under my nose!"

"Don't beat yourself up. At least you are safe. That's all that matters."

"I suppose you are right. Go get him. We can compare the DNA when he is at the station."

She was about to leave when she turns back to Maura.

"Wait wait- I want to know."

"Know what?"

"When you are leaving."

"Jane leave, you need to catch your killer!"

"Not until you tell me. When do you plan to go off to your escapade?" Jane smiles while trying to hide the true downhearted sensation within her.

"Well I was waiting for you to tell me when your wedding was. You did. So I suppose a month in a half. I could not very well go without staying for the wedding could I?"

"Of course not."

She leaves uncertain. Consideration and question were written all over her face.

She, Korsak, and Frost quickly got to the scene. The second they walk up to the possible perpetrator Jane put on her professional mask.

"We are the Boston Police Department, BPD, homicide unit. May we speak to you?"

With that the clown who was giving out balloons to kids quickly dropped his act and let go of the balloons. Running, perfect, just what was needed. She did not have time for this.

"We got a runner!" Jane yells as she starts the chance, Frost following not too far behind.

They took him down rather quickly, catching a lucky break when he ran into a cotton candy stand putting the cuffs on.

"You are under arrest for the murder of the maintenance worker here. Anything you say can and will be against you. What did you think? Just because you travel you could get away with it? What did you want his job? Is that it? He made more money than you?"

The clown just smiled. How creepy.

"I move fairs you see, should have known better than to try one I work with, would have gotten away with it in just a day too. He's not my finest work."

Jane shivers.

"Get this sick animal away from me." She says bitterly and passes him to Korsak.

Booking was done rather quickly after Maura checked the blood obviously a match.

Jane did not know where she would be without forensic evidence. Just like Maura says it never falters or lies unlike other things in her life.

Another case closed. This aided Jane in sleeping at night. She knew that some days, she made it safer to do so in the first place. She never thought of herself as the hero some would describe her as, oh no, modesty always overtook her. Jane Rizzoli was just another person doing her job.

Maura could never and would never see it as just that. That's why whenever she could she would remind her of that face.

Jane planned to go out with Maura for a celebratory dinner and did so.

She was happy though moaned and groaned thinking how she would have to eat a salad to appease her friend, and showing her she did take care of herself when needed. They would sit at their regular booth at the dirty robber, talk, listen, and just be themselves. It was days like this, even if others tagged along that reminded them both what they needed to remember and reflect on.

Separate they were fine, good, strong individuals. Together they were stronger and better. They could be alone forever, but they knew they wouldn't be. They had each other. Even on the days alone, they knew the other was there. For nights filled with nightmares, for the multiple times of saving one another in different ways, for everything.

They were anchored to each other. Destiny must have had some sort of hand. Fates intertwined when they met. Jane was undercover still working in the drug unit undercover as a prostitute.

They were forever tied. Somewhere between boarding school for Maura and public education which was not a Rizzoli's favorite pass time and now they had found each other.

Both hoped to god that the tether would not be broken over a distance of continents. It may as well have been a different world.


	8. Amazed

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I this is two weeks until the wedding two weeks after the last chapter. **

The bachelorette party was actually quite difficult to plan.

"You don't have many girlfriends you know that Jane?" She inquires.

Jane looks back at the doctor with wide surprised eyes.

"I haven't had a girlfriend Maura." She says.

Maura gives a full and warm true laugh. It easily busted out of her.

"I meant girls who are friends!"

"Oh I suppose not. So who is coming tonight?" She inquired.

"Some people from work and a few others are coming, mainly family."

"That sounds perfect." She says her face relaxing.

The celebration would be at the dirty robber. Not really a celebration for Maura but she would make sure it was special.

The people stated to trickle in just as Maura said. She figured that it would be impossible to have all girls.

"So there are not going to be strippers here are there?" Jane asks getting nervous and laughing.

"Nope!"

"I can get impossibly drunk right? To the point I will not remember anything tomorrow?"

"Sure Jane. I'll be your designated driver." She responds with a smile.

Jane started having some drinks. Already becoming intoxicated, she was not a mean drunk however and for this Maura was grateful.  
Presents started to stack on their usual booth.

Their group was here and there around the bar and restaurant.

All of a sudden there was sound over the speakers. A makeshift stage was set. The owner announced over the intercom.

"Hey everybody! We have something special today. It is going to be a karaoke night! So come up and sing a duet or sing a solo to impress!"

Many went up. Pop songs filled the room. Old country songs along with Motown would come up often. Songs from love to money were being sung. After enough passed Jane finally asked.

"Oo oo can we go Maura?! Please can we go?!"

Maura was amused at how desperate Jane seemed. Usually she would hate something like this. She would be embarrassed to do it in front of co-workers.

They don't call it liquid courage for anything she supposed.

"You can! I'll be right here watching!"

"Fineeee." She huffs. "This one is for you!" She winks as she walks away.

That's when she started hearing the music.

It was the song _Amazed_ by Loanstar.

She could not believe what she was hearing.

Jane had told her she wanted this to be the first song she danced to at her wedding. She was singing it to her. How? Why? She didn't care. She just didn't want it to stop as Jane's voice filled the room, booming due to the microphone.

_Every time our eyes meet_  
_That feeling inside me_  
_Is almost more than I can take_

Jane looks at her.

_Baby when you touch me_  
_I can feel how much you love me_  
_And it just blows me away_  
_I've never been this close to anyone or anything_  
_I can hear your thoughts_  
_I can see your dreams_  
_I don't know how you do what you do_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I wanna spend the rest of my life_  
_With you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_

"Hey will you all help me get Doctor Isles up here?" Jane questions.

The people in the place go crazy. They want her to go up.

Maura is mainly stunned, but she makes her way to her and Jane continues her serenade.

_Baby you surround me_  
_You touch every place in my heart_  
_Oh it feels like the first time every time_  
_I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes_

Jane pulls her in closer into her body. They begin to sway in a dance like fashion but still stationary. One hand had the microphone in it and the other arm around the stunned doctor with a protective hold.

_I don't know how you do what you do_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I wanna spend the rest of my life_  
_With you by my side_  
_Forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you_

She whispers in Maura's ear now sending shivers down both of their spines.

_Every little thing that you do_  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_It just keeps getting better_  
_I wanna spend the rest of my life_  
_With you by my side forever and ever_  
_Every little thing that you do_  
_Oh, every little thing that you do_  
_Baby I'm amazed by you_

In that moment she knew Jane would not remember anything the next morning. That their multiple colleagues would just attain it to her being drunk, that none of it would matter. But in that moment, she knew just how much Jane was in love with her.

The audience clapped, obviously surprised by her voice as much as Maura.

"I did not know you could sing Jane." She smiles as they return to their free booth.

"You don't know a lot about me. I may surprise you!"

"That's certain."She silently cried and mourned for herself and what she knew was coming in the quickly approaching. Tonight she would forget it all for once and just bask in the love Jane gave.

By now everyone who was part of their party was gone saying their goodbyes to one another and the girls as they walked off. The bar itself was practically empty.

"Hey are you alright?" Jane questioned concerned. She was always making sure she was okay.

"Fine you just, you made me feel beautiful." She responded. "No one has made me feel beautiful before. Wanted yes, even needed, but no one has made me feel beautiful.

"You are!" Jane grabbed her hands and moved to her side of the booth. Maura continued to stare in awe of the woman before her.

"You are completely-"

She kissed her forehead.

"Utterly-"

She kissed her cheek.

"Undeniably-"

She kissed her other cheek.

"Beautiful."

She kissed her lips.

Maura reciprocated. Getting lost in what was Jane Rizzoli. It was filled with passion, filled with love, and equal on both sides. It was an earth shattering kiss. One someone could get lost in forever. They put all of one another as their lips pushed against one another. Jane started to bite her lip. That's when Maura pushed away.

"We- we can't do this. You're drunk- and you are getting married, I- I am moving."

"I love you though. I love YOU. I always have, I always will."

Jane kissed her again. It was needier this time.

"I know." She says. Maura kissed back and smiled against her. "It's why I cannot do this right now." Her beam fell. "I love you too. Now come-on lets go to the car."

"Alright." Jane did as she was told. Too intoxicated to protest or fight.

Maura led her out to the car and helped her into her seat on the passenger's side buckling her in.

"You smell nice." Jane stated as Maura came up from bending to work the seatbelt.

Maura laughed almost crying now.

"Thank you honey, now try to go to sleep okay?"

"Alright."

Maura made a few more trips between her car and the bar loading up the presents.

By the time she was done Jane was fast asleep mouth hanging open.

Maura was almost tempted to take a picture to keep the memory forever.

As the old saying went they last longer. Last longer than what? Not even the doctor knew that.

She drove her to her apartment certain that Casey was there. She could not keep her at her house after everything that transpired.  
As she drove up to the apartment complex she did not know what needed to be said. She kissed Jane's forehead, cheek, and other cheek, just as she had before she went up.

She knocked on the door.

"Maura." He greeted. "What are you doing here? Where is Jane?"

"Hello colonel. She's down stairs mainly incapacitated and I figured you should put her to bed."

"Oh alright show the way the way then."

She was happy Casey was still awake and able to help. She did as told. She followed him up as he took her on the stairs to the high rise dwelling.

"When Jane gets up tell her I will give her the presents tomorrow if possible. Make sure she eats a good breakfast and drinks lots of liquids.  
I am certain she will have a hangover tomorrow."

"Thank you doctor is that all?"

"Yes." She states.

He turns and is about to close their door with his foot.

"Wait!" She states this with urgency.

"Yes?" He inquires.

"Don't hurt her Casey Jones, don't you dare hurt her. She does not deserve that. Realize how lucky you are now, and don't you ever break her heart. I may be small but remember my knowledge of anatomy tells me just how to make you suffer in the right way and you will suffer if you ever upset her. Do you understand? Is it clear?"

She is still in his arms.

"Crystal and I wouldn't dream of it." He responds and shuts the door.

She was happy Jane would not remember.


	9. Remember?

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

During their next day of work things ran smoothly. That's when Maura heard the elevator door open.

Boots were coming down the hall. Jane. An audible gulp reaches her throat. What if she remembered? What if?

No time for that. In enters the woman in question. "Hello Jane."

"Getting paperwork done I see fair coroner." She smiles.

"Why yes officer. Good eye. What gave it away? The mounds of it on my desk or the fact I'm not performing a post mortem procedure?"

"Oh I would say the pen in your hand instead of the blade for sure the dead giveaway."

They often had this wit about them. If Jane remembered anything she was not showing it through her words. Maura exhaled a sigh of relief. She kept to her work.

"I see."

"It's been slow lately huh Maura?"

"I must say it has been. Sort of anti climatic huh?"

"Indefinitely."

"My head still hurts. I don't remember anything from last night. Did you at least have a good time?"

Now there was audible conformation. This was better, this was good.

"Y-yes I did Jane, thank you for asking."

She looked up for the first time and does a double take. Jane sees the reaction.

"What?"

Jane follows where the doctor's gaze was and sees the delay in the doctor's reaction.

"Oh this?" She points to her eyebrow. "This morning I fell and hit my head on the table. My head was still hurting. Don't worry doctor I irrigated it!" She jokes. Maura did not laugh.

"Jane, please don't lie to me. That gash does not match anything in your house I believe."

"So you know the layout of my house now? " She jokes again. Her defense mechanism was sarcasm. Maura does not look amused in the slightest.

"Talk to me." Maura pleads.

"Aright Sherlock, if you must know Casey hit me." She says nonchalantly.

"What?!" Maura gasps and is floored.

"Oh jeez not like that. It was this morning. And he had a PTSD attack. He didn't know who was how to handle it. He was not him anymore." She replied.

"Weren't you scared?"

"Petrified, but I know how it is. I know what he goes through. I get it." She says.

It was true. The man was usually a docile person. He always seemed in control. That morning Jane could not recognize him. He had warned her how bad it would get at times but she just was not prepared.

She felt helpless. She did not even know what triggered him off. She could not even get him to speak to her. She somewhat blamed herself.  
There was nothing for her to do. She was almost certain he would not want to talk about it. She never wanted to. After a bad dream or her brain taking her somewhere she did not want to go.

"Sit down." Says Maura earnestly.

"On the dead person's table? Do I have to?" She laughs.

Maura's face is stone. "Yes you have to."

"Fine fine. You're the physician."

Maura stitches her up, puts on some antibiotic and a bandage. She does it with such care. She had such a nurturing talent. She would be able to put anyone at ease if need be just by her voice.

It was obviously done bleeding but still needed a doctor's treatment.

"Thank you for saving me from all my medical bills." Jane smirks.

"You know I'd do it any time." A smile returned.

"And we are…done! It's not disfiguring but please keep the bandage on and ice it when possible. Take care of yourself. Don't put yourself in danger if you may avoid it alright?" Her voice cracked.

"Hey I'm fine see?" She put her finger under her chin to lift her face up a few more degrees to see her eyes. "I'll always be fine as long as you are there to fix me, stitch me up. So can we talk you think?" She drops her hand. It had been stuck in place for too long.

"What about, what is it Jane?"

Maura drops her pen and looks into those dark chocolate eyes once again. She could get lost in them forever.

"I was wondering…" Jane was being awkward once again. "What would happen…?"

"Yes?"

"To my mother once you leave." Jane finishes her thought.

"Your mother?"

"Yeah! Well she does live in your guest room and she was just worried and wondering about where to stay."

"Oh why of course she will continue to live in the house. It is always open to her for as long as she wishes. I will continue paying, so tell her that she needn't worry."

"Are you sure? I don't want to take advantage of you. I mean it may be lonely for your mother. Maybe you and Casey could move if you wanted."

"My mom, Casey, and I living under one roof for who knows how long? Oh of course we ARE the three musketeers but I think I'll pass. My little apartment doesn't seem so little anymore."

The truth was that Jane did not want to live in a house where she was constantly reminded of the other woman. Maura's house would scream, well, Maura.

"Just a suggestion of course."

"Thank you Maura, for everything. I'll get the message across. "

"Anytime detective."

"So last night must have been some party huh? My head STILL hurts and everyone is looking at me weird!"

Maura busted out.

"Well your head hurting is probably your hangover and head injury. I did not see any sign of concussion, but I am really beginning to think something is wrong up there. You really don't remember?" She wonders out loud.

"Not a thing."

"You sang Lonestar's "Amazed" not quite badly I must admit." Maura blushed.

"Oh no, I didn't."

"But yes you did. Now YOU do not worry. Everyone left quite swiftly after that."

"That bad?" Jane smirked.

"As I said it was quite pleasing to the ear Jane!"

"Ah so you like that sort of thing huh doctor?"

"Well you did sing it to me. Even got me to go up there if I remember correctly, as they say, the devil is in the details, and I usually do not miss a single one!"

Now it was Jane's turn to blush bashful as always. She could not believe she did that. At least Maura attributed it to her being smashed. She hoped she did not make too much of a fool of herself.

Maura remembered tasting alcohol on her lips after everything. When she lay in bed she could still feel them tingle. She internally wished their first kiss could have been something they shared together. First and only she corrected herself, their first and only kiss.

"How are you Maura? You alright?" Jane quizzed.

She saw that Maura had gone somewhere right then and there.

Jane's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Yes! Yes. I was just thinking how I have your presents in the car. Would you like to get them?"

"Of course I do, how about now? I'm on my lunch break, how about it?"

"Perfect. Let me get my things."

She gets her purse quite easily as it was already sitting on the chair in her office.

"Shall we go?"

"Let's!"

They go down. Boxes of all sizes filled the car. One by one they changed owner's hands.

Each and every one was a reminder for Maura of what would never be, what could never be.

"I'm really glad you learned how to joke Maura."

"What?" She questioned. The statement seemed to come out of nowhere.

"I'm just saying you're getting better at it."

Maura seemed to gain some pride from Jane's statement. She had never been good at letting her guard but it seemed easy now. Jane helped her realize that.

Life was not one worth living without laughter filling it.


	10. Wedding bell blues

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

She chose fish for the reception. It was a choice of beef, fish, or chicken. That was the menu of the night. Well, she was invited. She was there. She did what she had to and what she should and could. She did as a good friend would.

She chose fish because she remembered teaching Jane how to cut it for the first time.

When she chose it, it was the memory had made her smile, not it just made her cheerless.

The memories that filled her head made her feel as if anesthetic filled her body. She would know. She is a doctor after all.

She felt it in her veins spreading throughout her body. It felt as if she was bleeding out. It was as if Jane were a limb. She wondered if when  
she left it would feel as if something of her was missing, like phantom limb. If anything she would feel it in her chest and lungs she assumed.

The drinks started getting to both Jane and Maura's heads and the wedding had not even started. They had already had more than their fair share.

There would be no more chances after "I Do". Harsh thoughts filled her head. She wanted to be caught between Jane and Casey. She had promised she would not make her choose, at that moment it seemed easier. She wouldn't interrupt. She could not.

The chimes went off wedding bells in full force. Maura was in the room with Jane. She was getting ready. Maura didn't want proof that it would not work. This was more proof than she needed.

It had been a month, she was hushed.

"Something new, something blue, and something borrowed darling." Maura smiled as she put a barrette into her hair.

Jane was close to tears as she laughed.

"This is really happening huh?"

"Yeah, sweetie, it is."

"Nothing will change?"

"Everything is going to, but that's okay. J and M forever right?"

Jane choked up. Since she called her M for the first time accidentally it had become their thing. J her new dubbed nickname. She laughed, it sounded as if there should be a heart around Maura's spoken words even though Jane knew it was impossible.

One day she would carve it into a tree, something she had never done, just for herself. To show her she wasn't crazy. Just to see how it looked.

Their initials sounded right together. She felt like a kid again. Only kids thought like this and should think as such.

"Right, right yeah, forever. Two more weeks yeah?"

"We will have our time Jane." She smiled.

Tommy and Frankie walked in. Jane refused to let her father walk her so she divided up the job between her two brothers.

They were ready and whisked her away.

Maura lied, well technically she hadn't. Jane asked if they had time. They would have their time, and they would, in an alternate universe, a place where things were easier and more understood. She was leaving that night.

She hadn't told anyone, but just as Jane knew she wouldn't marry if it were not done right away so Maura knew she would never be able to leave if she stayed one more second after the marriage. She booked the flight and was expected.

She could not stand saying goodbye. It would be too hard.

She did not want to find love anymore. Not unless it was with one Jane Rizzoli.

At this point Ian was not an option, just a distraction. She would at least have purpose over in the new place.

Casey's family was seated along with Jane's and friends from both. War heroes, veterans, and things along those lines were there for Casey.

People she knew from the station for Jane.

She took a seat after her brothers presented her as did everyone else in the group except for the bride and groom. They had taken pictures the day before. Some of Maura and Jane individually smiling to each other, both were looking beautiful, so they would not need to worry about that after the ceremony.

She would be able to enjoy the reception. She took hers next to Angela, who had tears welling in her eyes.

"Doesn't my baby look beautiful?" She asked.

"She is breathtakingly gorgeous." Maura replied.

She smiled towards the petite woman.

Maura was fine. She sat through the main parts of the ceremony. Then, it hit.

They got to the vows. She felt ill. As if someone had punched her in the gut. Someone had sucked all the life right out of her. She could not breathe. Her lungs could not process their functions. She felt suffocated.

She would leave then. She had her bags in her car packed already. She would go to the airport and wait all night if she had to. Insanity was the only way to describe it all every feeling and emotion that filled her.

"I-I" Her voice started to fail her. God knows she tried; she tried so hard to speak. "I have to go out. I need some air. " She murmured to the woman beside her as she started to walk out.

Maura knew that if one could hear heartbreak the whole universe, even the galaxy would have heard hers in the moment.

"Goodbye." She whispered to everyone and everything there, to all the friends and family, her family. It was said to the pieces of her heart that she had left which were in that moment given to the lanky woman standing at the altar. The last part which had been beating was now and would forever more beat for Jane.

Her body was strong as usual but more feminine and soft. She wished she could have seen more of that, the opportunity.

Jane did not notice as she stared on at Casey. She listened to the vows.

So, she walked out. Obviously this reaction was not harsh. Jane did not notice her slip away. This hit her gut once again. She didn't look for her, didn't look toward her. Stupid, why would she? Fantasy, it's all she was, a fantasy.

She was not this type of person. She was always in control. She could take emotion; rain on her house which was empty before Jane.

It would all be left unspoken. That was the hardest part, watching Jane leave, and never knowing, it all unfolding in front of her eyes. She would never know. She remembered the silence during their multiple fights. How she regretted it now.

She knew she would see her one day again. Bitterness would subside. One day they would see each other and share a knowing smile while shopping or doing some obscure thing like that. It would be okay. Today however was not that day.

"In sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do you part?" Questions the priest.

"I do." Casey says simply, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

"Now if anyone objects to this union speak now or forever hold your peace." The priest states with authority. The room is silent, her stomach drops. Jane's palms were sweaty.

Wait. Wait a minute.

"Wait, aren't you going to ask me what I think?" The detective nervously snorts earning one expression of amusement from the man beside her all his own and the rest of the group watching intently. He always was a little forgetful.

"Oh why of course please pardon me. A Freudian error on my part of course this is, after all, just a formality at this point."

He went through vows but with her this time as should have been expected in the first place.

Jane Rizzoli was expected to say I do.

"I-I-"


	11. Goodbye is the hardest word

**Aright Aright! Since you guys want it xD

Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

"I do." Says Jane. There's is a collective sigh of relief.

"Well now if there are no objections."

"I do- not. I do- not. There you go not letting me finish again." She laughs awkwardly and looks out to the crowd.

She really was a child. It was like a bad scene from the runaway bride.

She looks for Maura. She's not there.

She runs until she can't anymore.

The whole world feels as if it is crumbling beneath her feet.

She runs off to the room where she last saw Maura. She had seen her leave and figured she went to where they last saw one another.

"You owe me $20 bucks rookie." Korsak smiles to Frost.

She looks around. The room is empty. Frankie barges in.

"Janie-Janie- what happened?"

"I can't do it little brother. I just can't. It's too much. It's too hard. I'd be lying in front of god if I said those vows. I love him. I desperately love him, but I'm not _in_ love with him. "

"It's alright sis it's okay." He says.

"Where is Maura? Where is she?"

"Ma said something about her getting fresh air."

"I got to go find her!" She states.

She runs out. She searches the perimeter and Maura is nowhere to be found.

It was too late. Casey was left behind, forgotten at the point. Her mother was looking for her. She finds her outside.

"Honey!" She yells. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry ma. I can't."

"Baby it is fine. It is okay."

"Ma, where is she? Where?"

"I don't know! I don't know!"

"Oh no. She's gone. I have- I have to go check the house, my apartment, the station."

"Sweetie if she is not at her house…she….she is…"

"Gone I know. Bye mom."

She wanted to check the airport last.

It would be her last hope.

She could not find her.

Her apartment, the precinct, it was all empty.

She made it to Maura's house. Empty. She changed quickly into her leftover clothes.

Her stomach dropped. She went to the last place she wanted to find her, but desperately seeking her face the airport. She'd be there she would have to be. She imagined there would be. Ah just like all those sitcoms and movies she saw, the television shows in which the person always got the girl.

Sadly it wasn't a novel, not a story book. Maura was gone, half way around the world. She, she didn't even get to say goodbye.

She walked the whole air port. She walked the whole airport twice, three times, screaming for the other woman. She asked then, the clerk at the front.

"Was there a flight for Africa?"

"Oh yes you missed it by fifteen minutes. Luckily everyone else was here. There was a delay, a woman wanted to change her ticket to an earlier time but that was easily resolved. It was for a later flight today."

Jane was defeated. Nothing stood in her way at this point. She stopped her own happiness.

She could not blame Maura for not wanting her.

She could not blame Casey when he ended up leaving.

Jane was nothing but miserable.

She gave up everything the moment she heard she left. She gave up hope, love, happiness.

She had decided to be self-centered for once and look at where it got her.

The investigator thought there was time. Two weeks, she should have had two weeks.

She went to Maura's house. She just wanted to be near the woman. Her mother was waiting for her.

"Maura? Jane?"

"It's, it's just me ma."

"She wasn't there?"

"She isn't anywhere mom. It's my entire fault."

"Oh baby girl."

She brought her into a hug. Jane let it all out. Her tears were falling more freely than they ever had. She just could not hold it in anymore.

"She's not coming back! I drove her away."

"Sweetie do you love her?"

"I don't just love her ma. I'm _in_ love with her."

Saying the words out loud gave her power and drained her at the same time.

"Does she feel the same way?"

"I don't know!" Jane cried.

"If she does she will come back."

"Ma, she, she is with her mother. She is with the man she is in love with, and has been in love with forever. She won't come back for me. She's going out to save elephants and save lives of children and women. She, she is going to be happy…"

Jane remembered how Maura described them being elephants with Tommy's baby TJ. In this moment that is what she longed for most. She remembered Maura almost coming to tears watching a documentary. She thought it was the most endearing thing she had ever seen.

She remembered Maura describing Angela as the matriarch of their herd. She remembered her saying that the sisters and aunts would take care of the babies.

"Isn't that what you want baby, her to be happy?"

This hurt Jane even more, because deep down she knew it was true. She would let her go just as she planed.

She was back at square one. She couldn't go to Africa and drag her back. There was no possibility of her loving her back. It was a delusion, a childish delusion.

"I want that more than anything in the world!"

"Then find out what is best. Sweetie, she thinks you're married."

"She can never know otherwise."

Jane walked away and took a shower. She was going to move in with her mother. She wanted what was left of Maura to surround her. Funny how quickly one's mind set changes, but it was true.

Now that she had succumbed to her emotion she wanted to drown in it.

Maura filled her head. She just wanted to be with her and be near her.

She undid the covers, alone this time.

Jane would not even know where to begin. Maura was somewhere in Africa.

She figured she would get time to figure out how to contact her in the next two weeks.

She had no phone number. She had no address.

No phone calls. No letters. It was all impossible now even if she wanted to.

Jane knew why she left. She couldn't see her new life. It was the same feeling she felt right now.

Maura did not want to see her move on just as Jane didn't right in that moment.

There was one slight difference. Maura kept to her word. She didn't make her choose. She didn't give her an ultimatum as Casey had attempted to do.

She let her go. Jane knew in that moment there was more love than she could ever ask from another person. Jane would have to do the same thing.

She was lying on Maura's side of the bed this time. Jane could almost feel her in the sheets. This woman had gotten so under her skin.

She did not know what to with herself.

She massaged her hands once more. They hurt more than ever. It was not just her hands though, her whole body burned. It was as if she was on fire.

Nothing was definite. Nothing was assured.

All she knew was that she would wait forever. She would wait her whole life. She would wait out death in the afterlife if there was such a thing. The first thing she would look for if she died would be Maura, and she would wait everyday at the gates if she went first. If there was a higher power, she would wait for it to run its path.

She hoped she would go first. She hoped she would never know what type of death Maura endured. If she did she hoped it would not be painful, or a process.

She prayed she would go peacefully and quickly, in her sleep possibly. She looked beautiful sleeping.

Jane did not fear her demise anymore. The detective had stared in its face and laughed at it to many times. The investigator felt as if she were departed already, how much more lifeless could she feel than at that moment? When Maura left she took with her the future she hoped for.


	12. Healing hands, healing hearts

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

The sun was rising. Two months. It had been two months since she lost the woman she loved. The horizon was beautiful but made Maura feel so small at times. There was still wonder in the world she decided.

"Maura!" Hope called out. Maura smiled.

"Hello Dr. Martin!" She shouted after her.

After she had testified against Paddy Doyle things had settled down. Maura knew that things were better. That strange kinship as Hope would describe only grew stronger as they embarked on this journey together.

Hope wanted Carlin to join them as soon as she got out of college. Ian was there as was expected. He was kind enough, he had not tried to push her, but one could see the excitement on her face when she landed at the Airport. He would eventually want something out of her.

Hope drove around Maura in circles in an open jeep camouflaged to the terrain. They would not want to scare the animals and wanted to go undetected when out in the open fields as Maura was now. She followed her trail, dirt coming up from the ground.

Maura could not help but laugh, seeing how free her biological mother was at this moment. She now understood now why Hope took the money. There was an air of freedom in the wild, a feeling of duty, of fulfillment. She had a place as expected.

It aided her in forgetting.

She had realized that she had not left any word. It shouldn't matter however. Boston was a life away, and any calls or any letters would just make her sad.

She would wonder what her detective was doing. How her detective was doing. Yes, out in the middle of nowhere in her mind she could lay claim on the woman. She could be free to admit her feelings.

She knew she would be married. She knew she would be in her apartment with her new husband. They would sleep together. Love one another. Support one another. They would be happy.

She pushed these thoughts away quickly.

She missed the thrill of the chase at times. Being in forensics she felt like a super hero at times. She could save the little people. She could save the world.

Here it was a different type of achievement. In Africa she was, bringing relief. She was bringing peace of mind of food, and fresh water, with her science, and peace of mind by providing medical care to those in dire need. AID's and HIV were running ramped.

Dr. Martin viewed her child. She saw happiness in her eyes. She saw contentment.

Yet, when Maura did not think she was looking she saw longing, want, melancholy feelings in those same, at times tired, eyes.

All this was exhumed from her body. Her pheromones and hormones excreting those particular chemical compounds.

Maternal instinct one might call it.

"Maura, are you alright?"

"Fine thank you."

"You miss them don't you?" She questioned.

"Desperately."

"Why don't you call? Write? I do not enjoy seeing you like this!"

"They do not want me! I had this little girl fantasy that they would want me and they do not. It's fine, but I just have to let go of my past."

"I remember you saying the same thing about me at one time." Hope said, with a knowing look on her face. "And look how that turned out.  
You could never deny me now could you?"

"Never." Maura's lips twitched up. She had been playing with her ring, a very bad nervous habit.

"I'm not saying for you to go back. You know I want you here. You can be used her, you are needed. I just also know there are other places,  
other people, and other opportunities. It's prioritizing. I want you to be where you gain the most. I want what is best for you."

Maura shed some happy tears.

"There will always be a place for you here, just as there will over there. I know this because you are so odd and unusual but so astonishing. You are my daughter after all!"

Hope was joking of course, but this was not taken in lightly by Maura. It was the one of the only times she had ever recognized their true relationship outside of when she talked about her "dead baby". Maura remembered there was a time when she would have not even trusted Hope. She remembered the times she was so heartbroken over the woman standing before her.

She thought she was quick to judge, harsh, uptight. Now she saw more simplicity. Hope made things look so effortless. She was so insightful and was intently hanging on to Maura's every word.

She understood Maura's past bringing with her a new piece of history but a fresh slate at the same time.

She in turn would consider her every word. It was a mutual respect.

"Come on we should be getting back! Ian cannot handle it all on his own now can he?"

They came to the village in which they resided. Ian was making a hut call. It was much like a house call, but after all they were in the most reserved parts of Africa.

A woman who was pregnant and they had been seeing for quite some time walked in. They did a routine checkup. She was doing well.

It seemed as if there was always something to do. This is why she loved it here. It kept her occupied.

Nothing could shatter the lonely nights, but, that was an impossible yearning that only one could stifle and she would never give her  
opportunity to.

He walked into the medical clinic.

She understood also why Ian did what he did also.

The people here were in need of sterile supplies. Using and reusing needles was very dangerous and the fact remained there was no way of getting enough. Medication also ran low.

She was pleased she had helped all that time ago. If she had not, he may have not come back to Africa and met her mother in the first place.

"Hello!" He says with his Australian accent. He comes from behind and picks her up with a hug and tight grip.

Maura had to admit it was amusing, but sadly nothing more just a mere distraction. She tried not to lead him on too much.  
She had always been so unlucky in love. Diagnosing people who seemed a prospect, finding out they were a serial killer, one trying to pin a murder on her. If they didn't she ruined it herself somehow.

Dr. Martin simply laughed. She could see the gentleman suitor was quite taken with Maura.

"Hello Doctor Faulkner." She says with a smile.

She blushed remembering being in Boston and practically attacking the man as he was at her door.

Him lifting her in his arms as she wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders, he was strong that's for sure.

Then she remembered how weary Jane was of him. She excluded her when it came to their history.

_"How can you love someone and not be able to be with them?"_

She remembered asking Jane this question pleading for an answer. Now here she was, the only difference being, she was no longer in love with this man. Her heart belonged to her Boston beauty.

How the fates liked to play. How they enjoyed tempting. How things could be so much better if she were able to skip from that moment to now, skip every little thing since then that made her fall in love with the even stronger woman. She however would not ask to forget even if  
she had the opportunity because she knew they loved one another and their kind of love was once in a life time.


	13. He's gone

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I

This chapter is in memory of LTY, RIP

Takes place a day after the last chapter**

It was 12:42 AM in Boston, 8:42 PM in Cape Town South Africa.

Life is fragile. Jane Rizzoli knew this. She had found Maura a month ago. She used her detective skills and a few connections she had made. It was only confirmed with a few internet searches. It was not as difficult as she first assumed. What was devastating was that she had not had a reason to call until now.

Frost, Barry Frost, her partner and confidant was gone. She could not handle it anymore. First she lost Maura and now frost. What was she to do?

Two times now people she cared about left without warning.

She couldn't even consider the things that would be their last.

She still had so many firsts planned out.

She would have taken it in more carefully had she known.

Tommy told her that Frost had said he was in love with her, that when they were close to dying covered in rubble, that he admitted his true feelings to her brother.

She knew he had a heart of gold. He always and and always would.

It was a normal investigation. They were going to pick up the guilty party. He knocked down the door like normal.

They even had backup because they got wind it could be dangerous.

She could not save him.

The gunman was too fast, too strong, he had a clear shot.

Within a second he was gone.

He was a hero. He was often her hero. He had a smile that could light up a room.

Sure he was sickened by death but he found his place among the group.

It had been a long day, and she just wanted to hear the woman's voice.

She was going to go home, Maura's home, after this, and sleep until she could not anymore.

Recently her nightmares came stronger but it was the only way to make her body and mind unfeeling at least for a short period of time.

She called. After two months she called.

The second Jane found Maura Frost had wanted her to call. To be able to make amends.

No matter what the doctor decided he felt she should talk to her on good terms at least once more

After a month of playing chicken with herself she got the courage, his death gave her courage.

Life was too short.

Two rings. That's all it took.

Maura was busy and she did not even check the caller ID in the clinic.

"Isles."

Jane smiled. Maura was ever the professional.

"Rizzoli."

She hears Maura's gasp.

"Wow it has been a while since that happened huh?" Jane asks.

"J-Jane why are you calling?"

"Well I, I'd sit down if you can. I just needed to tell you, call you, and hear you."

"How did you find me?

"I'm a detective remember? It's my job."

"What is this all about?" She questions.

"Frost, Frost is gone. He, he died. His father is coming even after all their problems and his mother, with her, significant other." She says.

Maura sits down.

"I, I'm sorry Maura. I just needed to talk to you."

Maura had helped Frost overcome his fear of dead bodies in some ways. She had opened many avenues for the man in this realm.

If it were not for Frost hacking into some video feed they may have never found Jane when Dominic, a man with a delusional disorder, abducted her.

Maura quivered. What he could have done to her Jane.

"You there?" The gruff voice questions the shocked physician.

The voice brakes her train of thought.

"Yeah. I'm here Jane."

"Look I miss you. Korsak misses you. Even Jo Friday misses you." Jane smiles into the phone. "You never called, but my number won't change. I'm here for you. Always. I just figured you should know."

"Thank you Jane."

"Goodbye M."

The call ends.

Maura cannot believe her ears. After just speaking about her the day before, thinking about her, hearing her voice is too much.

"Hey is everything okay?" Ian asks. He walked in during the middle of the conversation.

"Just fine." She answers.

Her whole world seemed turned upside down due to one phone call but everything was fine.

"I just got a phone call. One of my friends, from back home, they, passed away."

"Maura that is awful I am so sorry. Are you going to go back?

"I can't because then I'll want to stay. I-I am needed here you see."

"I do. It is obvious that we need you just as badly. How is your friend, the one I met when I was at your Boston home? Jane is it? You don't seem to bring her up as often as I thought you would."

It was all too fresh. Hearing her name out of his mouth made it that much more difficult.

"I suppose not. I left out of the blue. I did not think she would ever forgive me, let alone try to find me!" Maura exclaimed still quite  
flabbergasted.

"Well of course, if I were stupid enough to let you go I would be calling every day." He said. "And I was stupid, a complete and utter fool."

"I don't think I am coming in tomorrow. This is just all too much to handle." She stated.

"Why don't you come over to my abode for lunch tomorrow?" He asked. "We may talk more then. Just, let me take care of you."

Maura was happy to have him there to listen. If it were not for the confidant she found in the man she would have felt utterly alone.

"That sounds lovely." This was all she could reply. "Now if you do not mind. It has been a rather long day and I would appreciate it if I could find my bed before the day gets any later."

He seemed to be blocking the door way to the clinic. His arms were crossed.

"Excuse me."

"Oh of course." He states. He clears the path slowly.

She smiles at him and he returns the gesture.

"Like I said Maura if you ever need any one to fulfill a need for you do not hesitate to ask me."

Maura nods in acknowledgement.

She went to her dwelling after excusing herself. Bed is what she needed, just to sleep and forget it all for a moment.

Frost's face kept coming to her in waves. She could not help what a hole there was. She felt guilt. She had missed so much and in so little time. She wondered how much had changed in her home streets. She wondered if Africa should not be feeling like home by now. Home is where the heart is. Perhaps that's why it did not feel as if it was fitting right. Her heart was back in Boston.

Even her stepmother could not make it out and they themselves were just starting to forage a relationship.

She was reserved and neat, proper, and she supposed that's where she got those traits.

Everything had a place and was in its place.

It was too late to be thinking such thoughts Maura determined and let her mind drift off into a realm of subliminal ecstasy.

A world where she brought coffee up to Jane, and Frost was ever present in their endless investigation. Where other life was a puzzle she had to put together with Jane.

A life here she was able to speak for the dead, as they spoke to her for justice and peace, where their longing was rest.

She dreams of a life. She dreams of a better life. She dreams a life of calmness in which everyone was free to be as they wished.


	14. Don't touch me!

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Ian had invited her over for tea and some lunch over at where he was residing, or how could it could come.

He finished his work and said goodbye to Maura's mother and wanted to continue their conversation.

He got there on time just as she had. She was always punctual and for this he was grateful.

"Hi! So sandwiches are efficient I suppose?" He asks.

"Anything will suffice." She answers

"May I be frank Maura?"

"Tell me what's on your mind!"

"Well you are beautiful and I really do think it would be a shame for such a pretty face to depart such a dreary and quaint life."

"You flatter me Ian I do not have any intention of upsetting you by doing something along those lines."

"Well to be honest I am happy you are not leaving. Not leaving me."

This was going to be the difficult part. He notices her hesitation, her pause.

He looms over her at this point.

"This is not about you though you see. It is just not emotionally healthy for me to go back to a life with no options." She responds trying to be rash.

"Still, you are here that means something." He probes her.

Obviously he means in that she is in his room.

"That is because you are my friend." She tries to be lucid.

"I see."

"I hope you did not misinterpret anything. I tried to make sure this could not be the case you see."

"Misinterpretation, I guess everything is in the eye of the beholder." He emphasizes the word everything.

"I am sorry Ian." She had to be blunt with the man. "I didn't come back for you."

He looks as if he was wounded. There is betrayal in his eyes, hurt. She injured his ego.

"They why come?"

"For my mother, to aid and be where I am needed."

He is livid now. She never knew he could be so quick to anger. This is not Casey anger, clouded with PTSD. This is pure testosterone anger.

This is a man trying to fulfill a need. She sees it from the second his facial expression changes.

"Is that so doctor?" He looms and looks at her evilly, lustfully. "Because I think you want more than that."

He pulls her hair takes her lips in his own.

She pushes him, tries to fight back.

She has to get out. She tries to remember some techniques that Jane taught her but it had been so long.

She hits him in the eyes. She escapes but barley. She takes the jeep to the clinic.

She is just happy she decided to drive them to Ian's or she may have not been so lucky to get away.

He could have hurt her. He could have taken her right then and there if he wanted.

She does not want this thought to consume her.

He had been so well behaved. Maura felt so stupid. He was what Jane would have called a scumbag. Oh how she missed her.

She could not deal with all of this emotionally. It was too much, too late, and too soon.

That is when Hope appears.

She sees what a compromised position the other woman is in.

"Maura! What- what happened?"

"I-Ian." Maura gets out. She is still finding it difficult to breathe. "He, he tried to take me."

"Oh Maura."

Her mother held her in her arms.

"It's alright. It's alright. There there, it's not you. He's an animal."

"I want to go home. I just want to go home."

"Go honey. Go. I told you, no hard feelings. My door is always open. I'll take care of Ian. If you come back, he will not be a problem anymore, of that you can be sure."

"What will I do? Where will I go?"

"Oh honey, you have the Rizzoli's. You have your job of that I am positive. You have your house. You have your life! Do not let me hold you back."

"Frost."

It was all she could make out.

"Go for his funeral. Come back if you want. It is your life darling."

"Won't you need help?"

"Send supplies if possible. It's a compromise. It would be nice if you could stay until Carlin came but don't fret yourself, don't make a fuss. Please, not on my behalf. I already owe you so much. I hope, I hope he didn't ruin it all for you."

Maura looked on in shock. She shook her head.

"Thank you so much. I promise. I'll be back."

"Don't keep promises you cannot keep now, or I will hold you to them."

Hope gave her daughter one last hug.

She called her house. She called Angela. She figured that the kind heated woman would not be able to turn her away and would pick her up.

She knew even though Jane had been able to track down her work but not even she would know her land line and would the matriarch would not know it was her.

It rang. It seemed all seemed to take forever. Time slowed down.

"Hello?"

It was Angela. Oh how she even missed her sweet voice.

"Angela?"

"Maura? Oh Maura! How are you? Oh Maura! I didn't think you would call!"

"Is Jane around?"

"Oh, no." was the quiet response.

Maura felt better at this fact. She just wanted a ride. She did not want to bother Jane, most likely busy with Casey.

"Good I wanted-"

"I could wake her! She took a few weeks off, you see. You know about Frost don't you?"

"Don't go through the trouble."

Maura in this moment realized they must be staying in HER house. Is it possible to feel so cast off and unwanted?

"I'm, I'm coming home Angela. I don't know for how long, but after Frost, I figured it was time. That's why I am coming. I have to face my past, my demons, I want a proper goodbye. He was a wonderful man."

It wasn't all a lie. She just didn't say the whole story. It seemed as if Africa were just a bit tainted itself now.

Meanwhile Angela realized her Italian strong willed daughter must have called. She beamed. Jane had grown up so much, and she felt nothing but pride in this moment. Pieces started falling together. Pieces started coming back.

"Honey why did you run?"

"I just couldn't handle it all you see. I am sorry I left you all so, suddenly, and without warning."

"There has to be more."

Maura looked down. It was times like this she wished she were not so transparent.

"Maura, do you love my Janie?"

She could not answer that. Not at this moment, not ever. She could not say it after everything that happened. The woman had already gained a son and there was nothing more to it. At least she had found pure bliss, pure happiness.

"I really must be going. Could I trouble you to pick me up?"

"Oh no trouble at all!"

"It is so appreciated."

They share details. Maura would be on the soonest flight possible. It would not be too much longer. She would be in her bed. She would be in her kitchen. She would walk her streets. At this moment she was happy she let the Angela look after her things. She would trust the woman to take care of anything. She again started to wonder if there would be room for her if Jane and Casey were there also, after all she had offered as a good confidant would. She would find out soon enough, even though she dreaded it all.

Meanwhile, Angela Rizzoli had hatched a plan. If these two didn't get a little push, nothing would ever happen. This was perfect, and she knew just how to play it right.


	15. I just missed you

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Maura hugged her mother goodbye before going on. She knew it would be a long plane ride eighteen, nineteen hours; it all was dependent on different elements. She hoped that Jane was still in her apartment, it would make things easier. She had already told Angela not to bring her, she wanted to see her so desperately, but wanted it to be on her terms. Maura figured the least she could do was honor her request. She had been riding already for almost seventeen already. Soon, very soon, it would all come to a head.

Angela smiles, it was that time. They were going to pick up Maura, but of course Jane wouldn't know.

"JANE RIZZOLI!" Her mother yells. She never yells. She had slept most of the last two days. She refused to get out of bed. It seemed as if  
there was nothing to do. She would never admit it but she was starting to feel restless.

"JANE GET DOWN HERE NOW!"

"What do you want?" She called out.

She had just run some errands and did not want to deal with her mother's whine.

"I'm not going to yell again Jane!"

Jane goes down. What could possibly be so important?

"What ma?"

"We are leaving!"

"What?"

"We are leaving. It's time you do something about Maura. Frost is being put to rest soon, she should be here. The only way that that will  
happen is if you bring her home. You have to do it Janie. You have to do it."

"Ma, if she wanted to be here she would be, you woke me up for this?"

"I let you sleep when you got home. I let you sleep most the day away yesterday. You are not going to do it again!"

Jane let out a breathy exhale. She really did miss her.

"Fine! Only because I miss her, only for Frost."

"Only because you are in love with her."

Jane smiles as she brings her mother into a hug.

"Thank you ma, you don't realize what you accepting all of this means to me."

"It is unconditional love babe. You don't worry about anything. Don't think you're getting out of babies either!"

"Oh stop!" Jane retorts as she leaves the room.

"Where are you going?"

"To get ready if that's okay."

With that Angela had done her part. With that, Jane would be shocked when Maura came, and she could tell Maura she would have gone to get her.

"Madam would you like anything? Wine, soda, pretzels?"

The stewardess was very professional.

"Oh no that is fine. Go take care of the others."

She smiles and earns a small nod.

Jane was on the road, with her mother. She had packed lightly.

"Hold on, you are coming too?!"

"Oh honey, somebody needs to bring back the car." Angela stated in a singsong voice.

Jane felt everything in the pit of her stomach. She was going to do this. She was going fight for what she wanted and boy was she good at that. Resolve set in. Nothing would stop her. They were just a little while off.

"Ladies and gentlemen we will be arriving in Boston in fifteen minutes." The pilot announced over the intercom in an authoritative voice.

Nerves were filling Maura. It was as if Jane were there at the airport. Just being so close already she felt connection again. Life was filling her veins once again. Breath filled her lungs. They landed. She retrieved her bags.

Jane got her bags from the back of the car. She would have to buy a ticket and check in.

"Ma, she's going to come back."

"Oh, I know baby." It was almost ominous.

Maura steps off the airplane. She looks throughout the terminal. Where was Angela? She decided maybe she was running late. Quickly she goes towards the main exit. Boy was it good to be home.

"Wait come back!"

"Yeah?"Angela kisses Jane's cheek and she felt everything it bought with it and watches her walk off. Angela secretly hoped she had timed it all perfectly. So many things could go wrong.

She giggled to herself; somehow the girls would miss each other just because it was their luck.

As Jane goes in her eyes are focused at the ticket booth in front of her, she almost runs she is walking so briskly.

She collides with someone, and both get knocked down. Obviously the other person was rushing for some reason. Jane rubbed her forehead as the other rubbed their temples.

"Watch where you are going." Jane didn't growl as badly as she wanted to trying to restrict herself.

Maura smiles she would know that voice no matter where it was or when it was.

Just as Maura hears the voice, Jane sees the shoes. Her eyes wander up. Matching shirt and skirt, then she sees the face. It was the most breathtaking face she had ever seen, and those eyes, she could get lost in them every day in a different way if given the opportunity and how she wanted that opportunity.

She wanted to be the last thing they saw, and the first thing that they came in contact with.

"Jane." Maura whispers so quietly it almost goes unheard.

There was the prayer. Her new prayer ever since she had left.

It consisted of one word, Jane.

Both women get to their feet.

Jane cannot help herself. She lifts Maura and spins her, maybe not the friendly thing to do at this point but just reflex. She needed to touch the other woman to make sure it was not all a dream; it was all reality, not something fabricated.

"What are YOU doing here?"

"Oh if you want I can get right back on the plane." Maura looks down with a smile, her eyes peeking up.

Jane had not let go of her. She was still in her arms.

"Never."

"Wait what are you doing here? I told your mother not to bring you! I didn't want to be a nuisance."

Jane now looks down somewhat embarrassed. Maura sees her bag.

"Oh, were you going to leave? Is there a job out of the city you got called in on?"

"Umm no." Jane wants to laugh seeing the way she could transform Maura and how easily she could misinterpret things. Instead she blushes.

Maura raises her eyebrows in question enjoying the reaction she obtained.

"I was, going to get you. Ma, ugh, she did this! She knew you were coming and she knew all she had to do was put the idea in my head to  
come visit you and bring you back, for Frost of course and…"

Maura kissed her, on the cheek obviously, but she just wanted to make Jane be quiet.

"I think that is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me, or had planned to do maybe? I don't know how to word it all, correctly."

With that little comment she knew she was back. Jane knew she had the other woman where she wanted her, at least for now, and that was with her and she didn't even have to fly half way around the world. She would make her stay if it killed her. Selfish or not, it was going to happen. She also grinned at the fact, she had chosen her, she came back on her own. This was the best day she had in a long while.

Maura meanwhile couldn't help but feel more complete than she had in a very long while. She was already thinking how she could leave her another time. Impossible? No. Not wanted? That was the question not even Maura could answer.

"Come on Maura."

Jane grabbed Maura's bags. Old habits die hard, at least that's what they say. This would be something that would never end. It could never finish.


	16. Bubblegum and peanuts

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I

Ughh I have so much homework but after seeing the new re-cap

which included the ring Casey got Jane, I just,

FEELS

I had to write**

Blow. Pop. Gum. Gumshoe. Jane's gumshoe thing. Bubblegum?

Maura felt like her life was gum or at least a bubble. Strawberry or cherry or whatever flavors it was beside the point.

She didn't want this to end. She did not want it all to pop.

It was all so fragile; one breath one puff could cause it all to rupture.

Jane was near her again. They were both seated in the back seat.

It was all new and mysterious but familiar at the same time.

"Maura, how did everything go over there? You didn't have to go through anything so dreadful did you? I am sure most Africa did not have too many conveniences. "

"Oh I had a wonderful time."

The drive was short not taking up to much time.

Finally she got to her driveway. She entered her long forgotten house.

It was just as she remembered it.

Angela and Jane brought up her bags and quickly scurried back down.

"You must be tired huh?" Jane questioned.

"Jet lagged perhaps, it'll take me a while to get used to the time change again."

"Well you should! You're not leaving me again."

"Well I am not sure about that, I did promise Hope."

"Well you aren't getting rid of me that easily."

Jane grinned and Maura looked on.

Angela cleared her throat.

Well this suddenly got awkward.

"Well I am going to take a shower. Everything done is well appreciated. I do still have my bed don't I?"

Maura had an intense look about her. She had never asked about Casey. In all honesty she did not want to identify and make out what had happened.

"Why of course."

Jane followed her up stairs and heard the water running. She looked through her jewelry box. There it was the ring, that silly little thing.

It almost made her lose Maura.

It had been forever since she saw it.

She put it on her finger, played with it for a while.

Just then Maura came out after changing. She saw Jane with her ring on again. She had wondered if Jane had a falling out, even more so at this moment.

When Jane heard her she turned around with wide eyes.

Maura became worried; she did not mean to startle the other woman.

Honestly Jane was lost in thoughts of Casey. Where was he, what has he been doing?

She would never wish ill for any individual.

Maura could see she was losing her again, but then again she was never really hers to begin with. She would soon be going to her apartment.

She wondered if any changes had occurred, perhaps they already moved into a house, or another apartment of some sort.

For a second Maura remembered how she imagined she would find them here. It would have been logical.

Jane never looked up, just staring at the diamond wondering what it would have meant for her to actually accept the rock, literally and  
figuratively.

"I would have been Sisyphus you know?"

"Sisyphus- Greek legend- he was forced to take a bolder up a hill but every time he did it the gods would send it rolling again as a form of punishment. He would never be able to finish his quest."

"Do you always have to do that?"

"Story-telling?" Maura made light of the situation.

"Yeah!"

"What do you mean Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"Why would you not be able to conquer your rock? It seems as if you already have. You have a wonderful job and life. Frost will be missed, but still."

"Casey would have been my rock."

"This may sound cliché and cheesy, but isn't he? Not in a bad way but that's what some call the one they love. "

Jane took off the ring and set it back in the jewelry box. He had never asked for it back, not once. She started to wonder. It all did seem a little too easy.

"Maura, I didn't marry him."

"What do you mean you didn't marry him? Of course you married him! I was there. You were going to say your vows and, and-"

"And I didn't go through with it. I didn't marry him." Jane let that sink in for a moment. For both of them, she had an opportunity to process her feelings and still at times was shocked at herself to say the least. "You left Maura. That's what happened."

Maura felt sick all of a sudden. Her knees went weak as the bed caught her fall.

"What are you saying Jane?"

Jane had planned this elaborate speech. She had planned every word that needed to be said. All that seemed to come out however was three words.

"There weren't peanuts."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there weren't peanuts to be thrown instead of rice. It wasn't at Fenway Park Maura. I wasn't in my Red Sox jersey. There weren't any foot long hot dogs for after. Maura it wasn't my dream, it was a hollow cry from it. You weren't there."

Maura took Jane's words. She remembered them sharing their wishes for matrimony. Casey had proposed during a picnic. It all looked perfect.

Yet it was lacking. She played pretend with it all but with her dream, as if if there were no volcanoes which had previously been checked for seismic activity, as if she weren't in her dress with a ridiculously long train. She wouldn't have her cake or frosting.

This time Maura showed love. She wrapped Jane in her arms. She held her. Maura wanted to show her that it would all be okay.

"What happened?"

"It was impossible."

"Jane I hope more than anything this was not all my doing. If I caused there to be any avoidance of your happiness I could not live with myself."

"Oh but you see you did doctor. When you left you took every chance of happiness with you."

Suddenly it all dawned on Maura. It felt like a weight.

"Where are you staying?"

"Right here. You really don't know? I've been waiting for you. I was about to go crazy and get you if that is what it took. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you. I would have walked on the surface of the sun and let it burn me to death if that is what it took I was already feeling on fire. I missed you. I missed us. I missed who you were, who we were."

Maura witnessed a lot of things, and plenty of them had been involving the woman opposite of her at the moment. It is then that she concluded that she had never seen her speak so passionately. Never had she seen Jane talk with such sincerity and truth behind her, even on the witness stand.

"I ached for you too, dreadfully so."

Angela walked in at this moment.

"Oh my girls finally together again." She looks towards Jane with a knowing look.

"Ma! We are kind of having a moment here!"

"Sorry sorry! I was just making sure everything is alright and wanted to bring up some tea. I'll let you two get two it."

Maura giggles at the choice of words. She was most definitely where she was supposed to be.

Angela exits again.

"You better let her rest Janie! I'm sure she has had enough for one day!" She called out after closing the door.

Jane looks at Maura with knowing eyes, she really must be tired. She doesn't want to be bombarded with all of this right now. It was not her place to be doing what she is. It was after all her home.

"She's right. How about it? Want to just relax?"

"With you? For you? Anything."


	17. Nightmares and morning repercussion

**Disclaimer I do not R&I**

It started out as a whimper. At first Jane thought nothing of it.

She was still for the most part asleep.

Then it grew louder. The whimpers formed to words.

"Jane help, no, don't let him," Maura mumbled. "Please don't let him take me."

This caused Jane to wake up immediately.

Jane was in shock. When Maura had returned she looked so strong, she was content.

Maura had gained a slight tan which Jane could not help but admire. It was very pleasing to look at.

It was all natural. It looked the furthest thing from fake. She didn't have an orange tint to it.

It was all perfect. This was far from all that. Maura was haunted by something that happened over there. That much was apparent. She would not have these night terrors if that were not true.

Jane for the first time seemed to seamlessly turn towards the other woman and wrap her arms around the petite waist.  
She understood how real these things could be, it was all a knowing she wished she didn't have.

"Shhh. Shhh. I'm right here. No one is going to get you." It was all cooed in a voice that was foreign even to Jane.

Maura seemed to calm after this. She held on tight to the arms even half asleep. She became unconscious once again.

Jane sat and wondered what this all meant. What had happened over in Africa that it made Maura behave in such a way? Maybe it was a fluke?

Jane sat up the rest of the night wondering what it all meant. She would question her but not pry.

Frost's funeral was in a few days. Jane couldn't take it all, so she drifted into her dreams as Maura had.

With the other woman there they were always less anxiety producing however.

Maura awoke to Jane's arms wrapped around her. She questioned when or how this happened.

Maura thought if this had ever happened to Jane before and grinned like the Cheshire Cat. She could imagine a young Jane on the bus and her awaking after a long fieldtrip and bus ride with her head on a boy's shoulder. Jane would have woken up with nothing but surprise written on her face she supposed.

Maura gently removed the hand and arm whose grip had untightened and became looser. She felt it suddenly flex and Maura's breath hitched, until it relaxed again.

Maura got up. She knew she would have to relearn everything. Study Jane once more.

It was assumed that the task at hand should not be too difficult. She seemed to be the same woman she always knew.

It was time for breakfast. Old routines simply came back.

That's when Jane wakes up. She stretches out her back and while feeling and hearing her bones pop.

It was going to be a good day.

When she goes out she sees the other woman making pancakes, flour on her nose. She wipes it off with her finger.

"Well hellooooooo." Jane drags out in her scratchy throaty voice. Maura could melt.

"Good morning!"

Jane took her seat. Now was as good of time as any.

"Maura can we talk?"

"About what Jane?"

"Well last night…" Her voice trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Well you woke me up."

"I apologize. I am quite sorry."

"No it didn't upset me you see, well not in the way you are thinking. See you were having a nightmare."

"Oh I don't remember any of this."

"Well I do. You were complaining and you called out for me."

"I see."

Jane tried to get over all her insecurity and just tell her.

"You were afraid someone was going to take you Maur. What happened over there? The fear I saw last night, it wasn't you. You yourself were just discovering your darker side before you left, thinking you killed a man remember? You can tell me anything."

It was true and Maura knew it. She honestly didn't have any recollection of the dream but knew what it had to have been about.

"Ian." Was the response she gave. "Ian, when you were here and I was there, you knew he, he was with me but wasn't who I thought he was. Jane, he tried to ravish me."

"You mean he assaulted you?! HE violated you?! God, I could kill him."

"I got away Jane. It was only attempt. My mother is taking care of it."

It all clicked in place. That was why Maura came home. She did have her heart broken.

"Maura I apologize on his behalf. No one should do that to a lady, especially not one as prestigious and strong as you."

"I am not broken Jane."

That took Jane back to Hoyt. This was why she loved the woman, she knew her own strength, accepted it. Even though her past made her insecure and her wonderful mind, her beautiful mind, made her feel like an outsider the woman was strong and knew what she craved and was so ambitious with her goals.

"No one can break you Maur, ever."

She said it just had Korsak had told her that faithful day.

The doctor thought how Jane had. She had left her broken.

Now, being home, it was as if the pieces of broken glass which had exploded into a million pieces could be put back together.

"Maura I am happy you are home. That it felt safe enough here to come, even if it is until they lock that ill man behind bars. I just have to know, are you going to stay?"

"I cannot answer that. There must be a way for all this to work out, but I cannot be going back and forth. At the moment though, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"Maura I am so filled with regret. I wish I had not played with your emotions as I did before you left. I hope you can comprehend I was just as confused as you."

"Well that's what life is no? Conflicting feelings, confusion? It's about finding someone to work it all out with."

"I still don't understand it all you know. Why or how."

"Does it matter?"

"I suppose not."

With that the batter was done, Maura had finished cooking. They sat down together. Jane read the newspaper.

"I never used to get the newspaper detective."

"Ah well you see now you do. I hope you don't mind."

Maura knew it was such a Jane thing to do. In between her job and busy life she still had time to read about the world.

"You really are a superhero you know that?"

Jane just choked on her coffee, instant, the best.

"I'm pretty sure you are the one who saves lives now."

"Oh but it is so much more than that. You care about the world, I mean, you could read all that news online but you subscribed instead. That tells a lot about you. You are part of the community. It is interesting though because you are so much more than a good Samaritan."

"Maura do you want me to move back out, honestly? If you decide to come back would you like me to leave?"

It was random Jane knew but it was a question that had also been on her mind. She needed to know.

"I see no reason for it. Obviously you make me feel out of harm's way. Jane you protect me."

"Alright alright jeez you don't have to beg." Jane couldn't help but fool around. She missed messing with the woman.

"Well I'm sure that it would take an army to make you leave none the less and that didn't seem to work the last time we were in this situation."

It was the perfect retort.


	18. Dummies and dirt

**Disclaimer I do not R&I**

Sometimes words are not enough. The casket closed on the young man. This was a sad day indeed. They just finished the memorial service and his body was being transported to the burial site.

"Jane. Maura. It is delightful to see you again, I am sorry it is under such, saddening circumstances to say the least." Camille states. She was Frost's loving mother. She was hand in hand with her partner Robin. They really did make a wonderful couple.

"We will see you at the burial yes?"

"Of course." Jane replies

"Both of us will be there."

"Well we must be going. Come on."

It was hard for both women to be strong. Robin was just glad she got the blessing of the young man before it was too late.

Both women acted strong, but at night the only comfort they found was in each other's arms.

It strongly paralleled Jane and Maura's relationship.

They found strength in one another.

There would always be memories of the softball game that Robin and Camille won for Maura.

Jane was getting nervous. Maura had not talked to Cavanaugh. She feared that she might actually go back. She might not want her job back.

They buried their best friend that day.

Jane overheard Korsak talking to Frost's admiral father.

"He was a great man. His contribution to our team can never be filled."

"No. His role as my son can never be filled. You and your guys will get new officers, applications come daily. I'm sure someone is planning to move up already. That however is my son, and that cannot ever be taken away."

"Maybe if you treated him like he was." Korsak started to bite but realized the man must be torn up about this fact than he could ever imagine.

"That's all over now. The only thing I can do is make sure that, he is able to rest in peace. My anger is gone; all that is left is a hole. What could have been, I suppose we will never know." It was not a question, but rather a fact.

Jane led Maura by the waist.

"Korsak is everything alright here?"

"Fine Jane. Just fine. It is just all such a damn shame you know that as much as I do."

"Excuse me officers."

The ground was full of dirt. The sky was gray. Not a bird chirped, not a flower bloomed.

"Ladies and gentlemen today we lay to rest a peaceful soul. Let us not morn but rejoice as we find that Barry Frost is with our lord and savior.

Hallelujah amen.

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies, says the Lord.

Because of this

I am convinced that I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Let us forgive others as we forgive ourselves.

Let us understand that this was nothing but a tragedy."

The coffin starts to drop.

"We now commit this body to the ground;  
earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust:  
in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life…

Though I walk through the valley of  
the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;  
for you are with me;  
your rod and staff, they comfort me.

You spread a table before me  
in the presence of those who trouble me;  
you have anointed my head with oil  
and my cup shall be full.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me  
all the days of my life,  
and I will dwell In the house of the Lord forever.  
Amen."

Sobs were heard throughout. Wails echoed throughout the little green tent that covered the burial site.

"Now if you would be as kind as to drop some dirt in the burial site in remembrance of this lovely person there would be much gratitude from the family."

Everyone went up and did what was told.

Jane and Maura each dropped a red rose also.

Kind words were said to the family as per usual.

It was however different for both Maura and Jane.

It was someone they knew and someone they loved.

He was a treasure. They were around death and near death experiences daily, but seeing the lifelessness of someone so beloved was one of the most difficult things they ever experienced in their life.

That was it. There was no more. The line that separated the ears of Barry Frost's life was over, ending with the year of his death. Taken before his prime. He hadn't even reached his full potential. This is a fact that everyone knew. He could have been so much more, brought so much more. His job was done, his journey was over.

Jane and Maura would go home along with the rest of the family as it was all there was left to do.

When they got to the house Jane wanted to get her anger out. It had been pushed down and pushed down to the point it was going to boil  
over. She stripped and put on workout clothes.

She boxed. It was all she knew how to do, fight.

She went into the yoga room where she put the dummy Frost and Korsak gave her.

When Maura walks in she sees her sweat rolling off of her body.

"Why haven't you talked to Cavanaugh?" Jane questions.

"Jane…"

"I'm going to lose you too aren't I?"

Maura has no response and this was all that Jane needed.

"First my father, then Frost, now you. It's not right."

"You're just feeling emotional Jane."

"Damn right I'm emotional. I'm entitled to feel aren't I doctor? It is part of human condition isn't it?"

"Yes, I'm leaving."

"When? And you better not lie this time."

"I didn't lie to you Jane. You asked me if we would have time and I knew eventually we would. Look at us now."

"When?" Jane repeated the question.

"Tomorrow."

"So soon?"

"Yes. I told you. It is what is best."

"For you Dr. Isles. It is what is best for you."

"So what? Aren't I entitled to be a little self serving?"

"Not after the only time I was "self serving" I got myself into big trouble."

"I meant I looked for you. I tried finding you. Heck, I did find you. All I'm saying is one day I may not look anymore."

Maura was hurt at the words. She knew they came from a place of Jane's own disappointment and insecurity. Maura was not helping matters.

"Why now Jane? Why should I stay now? I waited too remember?"

Silence filled the room.

"See? You cannot even say it! There is no reason. I gave you your chance now give me mine."

"I'm going to take a shower."

Jane goes in. And there it was again. Everything was so wrong and no matter how hard she tried it would never fix.

Frost took with him the feeling of innocence that was over the group in a strange way.

Jane allowed the hot water to stream down her body.

She couldn't breathe again even if she tried and the hardest part was the she knew the other woman was right there in the next room.

God it was all so difficult. She was tired of suffering.

She didn't say anything because she knew Maura was right but what Maura didn't know is that she would have to make the decision to stay.

She would have to show Jane that it was what she wanted.

The only difference this time is that there would be an option and Jane would make sure to show that.

It would be her last effort and then the ball would be in the M.E.'s court.


	19. Second chances

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Jane and Maura spent the night in the arms of one another. Even if they fought at this point none of it mattered. Jane awoke. Today was the day. She was not going to let her leave without a fight. That's when it happened. There was a note on the pillow. Her stomach dropped.

_Jane,_  
_My sweet, strong, powerful Jane._  
_I'm sorry for all the pain I caused. The first time I left. _  
_I could have never realized. Apparently I do not learn huh?_  
_I hope you understand why I had to leave. I told you it would be tomorrow and it was._  
_I'll probably be gone by the time you read this. We are a pair of knuckle heads._  
_I hope you don't lose your smile. I love it when you smile. Everything happens for a reason, that's what they say. I just came for a proper goodbye and did not expect to find what I did. Jane, you must let me go to sort myself out. Please understand. Another day, another life will eventually come but for now here is my goodbye. Until then, keep smiling. _  
_-M_

There it was. Jane should have known she would run. She admonished herself, what a detective.

It was all there written down. Black and white filled the paper. Jane ran. She rushed. She got ready and went to the airport. No way was she missing her twice. Jane was not that dumb. This was it. This was her moment.

It was raining. Oh, just perfect. It came down so hard. Still she ran. She drove as fast as she could and then ran some more. This was not happening, no way, not again. If she just got to her in time it, would it all work out? She could not think of it not having a happy ending. She had no thought of her own safety. The car skiddes out of control. Oh no, no no, not when this was all about to happen.

Jane Rizzoli was not going to be robbed of her chance. She was not going to let the smaller woman go that easily. She was now ready for it all. The morning papers, the calls to check on her, she was never ready for a man like Gabriel Dean, or even Joey Grant, but she was ready for  
a woman like one said Maura Isles. She knew however knew she had been living on borrowed time.

Luckily the streets were pretty much abandoned in the storm and she gained control rather quickly again.

Focus Rizzoli you have one job.

She parked in front of the lot and ran inside.

She was by now drenching wet.

She looked toward the seats.

She wouldn't need to ask the lady at check in counter about what happened. This was the second time she had done this and Maura…

Maura was there.

"Maura!" She shouted.

Maura looked at her.

"Don't, please don't, not again." She ran towards her.

"And why not?"

"Because if you go there is no waiting this time, I know, it is lousy for me to give an ultimatum like this, it already ruined one relationship, but honestly, I cannot wait any longer. Maura you may not need me but I need you and if you go, if you leave again, I will not be able to take it. I don't even know how I made it this time I am just grateful I did. There, there is your reason, there is your answer!"

Maura exhaled softly, quietly, almost eerily.

"My plane was delayed, the heavy storm, in case you didn't notice."

Jane laughed uncontrollably.

"Oh did I notice. I almost died and broke my neck trying to get to you."

She was still dripping wet.

Maura considered everything. Took in everything, she thought out every option.

"Look, give me a chance. I'll go WITH you if that is what it takes. I'd do anything Maura. Just give me time to work this out. Give us time."

"Ladies and gentlemen, luckily the storm has lifted and those on flight 1822 may start boarding."

Maura looks towards the gate.

"Well now it stops!" Jane exclaims.

"Yes Jane, the storm has stopped."

She makes her view come back to Jane. In that moment Maura knew that every option that did not include Jane would not suffice. She knew the second the woman chased after her for the last time, and actually caught her; there must be something to everything they had. Friendship or not it did not matter. She was not going to give it up. Not one second of it.

"Does that mean?"

"Well as long as you can handle me, I suppose I can stay."

Jane hoped her ears had not deceived her. She was ecstatic. Every weight that was there had suddenly gone off of her.

"Let's go home Maura." She puts her arm around her shoulder.

And so they did. They went home.

"Jeez Jane."

"What now doctor smartypants?" Jane chuckled and could not believe what just happened.

The good guy did win sometimes.

"Have I ever thanked you? For everything?"

"Not really, not with words."

"Well thank you. You probably saved me from coming back in a pity, knocking on your door begging to let you come in. You most likely saved me from further embarrassment and for that I am grateful. I really am truly grateful you know. Oh gosh, it would have been like a bad episode of Grey's Anatomy."

Her feet were draped on her couch over Jane's legs under the covers as they had done before. It was all natual.

Jane looked on in shock.

"Doctor, you watch that show?!"

"Well it is a medical show!"

"With drama at every twist and turn." She chuckled.

"You know that they are actually together right? In the show? The two doctor ladies."

Now Maura was shocked.

"You watch the show?!" She questioned.

"Well I have to do something when I am bored don't I? Besides the blond one reminds me of you."

"Oh Jane I am positive there are many differences between us."

"Still. I don't mind it. At least it's not trailer trash Snookie." She let her head go back at her own joke.

"I told you! IT WAS ONCE!"

"Okay okay."

"How about some take-out?" Jane questions.

Suddenly she was happy her mother didn't bother them as often as she thought. It gave her time with the forensic pathologist.

"Chinese?"

"Sounds delightful."

Maura just enjoyed having someone fight for her. She got butterflies in her stomach. Sure before she knew Jane loved her but this was her first conscious act or showing it as much as she did. There was no danger behind it, or drink fueling it; this was Jane and Jane wanting her.

She wanted HER and no one else. They were both certain they could have their choice of admirers but their eyes were only for each other even if Jane did not know it yet now Maura was certain. She knew even if the detective hadn't come she would have eventually come home. Who knows, maybe she could convince Jane to travel with her during the summer, it would be nice to go back. She would be in touch with hope easily. She smiled at the thought. She imagined Jane and her on the wide and open space. Jane would fall in love. Her adventurous side would always get the better of her. It was her Achilles heel.

Jane returned after ordering the food.

"So doctor what now?"

"Now all we do is, I don't know. You're the one who made me come back!"

Maura however knew exactly what now. Now she would show Jane what she really wanted. In time sure, but now she would go fight for her job. Now she would be fulfilled once more in the way she had missed in Africa. She would beat the clock and beat the odds. Now, she could really and truly relax for the first time in a long time.


	20. When a bomb goes off

**Disclaimer I do not R&I**

"Please Lieutenant! I want to come back more than anything. Just let me please!"

She was doing her part now. Maura was fighting for her place back. IF she did leave again it would definitely be with no question at least some sort of warning next time. It was another thing that made her stay. She knew if she left again she wouldn't be able to do what she loved in Boston any longer.

"Fine Isles, but it is only because you are really damn good at what you do here. You have to get rid of Pike; I'm not doing your dirty work for you."

"Thank you so much! Thank you so much I don't know if I will ever be able to repay you!" It was all she could muster.

She left the office to Jane.

Jane looked at her with worried eyes.

She kept a straight face and Jane's confidence broke.

"He said no?!"

At this moment Maura's smile showed to overcome her.

"Ah don't scare me like that!"

Korsak just smiled on at them. He knew what they meant to each other.

"I'm going down to get my chair back!"

Maura did as expected.

"Korsak I need to tell someone other than my mother. I have kept it all bottled up and I cannot do it anymore. There have been too many close calls you know?"

"You're in love with her aren't you Jane?"

Her mouth hung open.

"Come on, it is sort of obvious isn't it?"

"I don't know is it?"

"Go down there, talk with her about it. She wouldn't be here if she didn't feel the same and you know it."

"Thanks Korsak you mean a lot to me. You're like my father you know?"

"Get out of here."

This was it. Jane Rizzoli was going to confess her love. She was going to ask the woman out on a date!

Meanwhile the fair woman in question was downstairs.

"Hello Dr. Pike." She states.

"Oh goody, _it's_ back. Did you come back for supplies for your little gallivant? Forget something did you?"

"Yes. I forgot my place. I forgot my chair. I see you re-did the office, that simply won't do now will it?"

He stared on at her in shock.

"You can't just do that! It's not your place anymore. I'm head of this office now!"

"Oh but I can, and I just did didn't I? I talked it over with our superior and he feels I am more, qualified for the job. So if you do not mind debriefing me on all your cases on the docket right now I'd be more than happy and willing to take them over!"

Pike was easily defeated. His ego was suddenly being deflated. All talk and no action, he was a bag of hot air that's for sure.

"Fine, Dr. Isles. I'll be waiting right here however, for when you do fail."

He debriefs her as thoroughly as he could but as it were he was not a thorough man. Many details which the doctor would have known went passed his head.

He starts to leave. How good it was to be back. She sat down. She missed it all, her office and responsibility. She then goes outside. She even missed her lab. The autopsy table, the smell of chemicals, it was all still here and little had changed. Her work was still there. There was a sigh of relief.

Just as pike was leaving Jane walks in.

"Afternoon Pike!" She called with buoyancy.

"Detective." He mumbles as he exits.

"What's got him down?" she asks Maura not helping but to joke.

"Oh he is going to miss his job, but I think I would miss it more." She grins back.

"So I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes Jane?" Maura's palms were sweaty. Could this be it?

"Will you… possibly…"

Oh boy. This was it!

"Hello!" A voice called coming in, making Jane lose her nerve.

"BT!" Maura said, she seemed rather excited Jane decided.

Little that Jane you she was getting out the excitement she would have shown during her yes, because she would have said yes to anything Jane wanted.

"BT." Now Jane was the one deflated.

She remembered their how they geeked out together. He seemed to really understand her.

"What are you doing here?" She asks with a sort of whistle to her voice as it got quieter with every word.

"Well I just heard this beautiful lady here came back. You can imagine my excitement. I just had to come visit, you understand." He gave a handsome smile of his own. "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything, you two were not in a middle of something."

"Oh no, of course not." Jane said. It's not like she was about to take an important step with the woman or anything, most defiantly not.

Maura looked at Jane with a look that said she was not pleased. Jane figured that Maura thought she was not being courteous enough to the man, while all Maura was upset about was Jane cutting their conversation short. The action got Jane even more flustered.

"Look BT you seem like a nice guy, and that's cool, but is there anything you need?"

"Oh I suppose not." He looks very shocked at the tone used. It came off as unwarranted.

This is ridiculous Maura thinks to herself, as she just looked on studying very closely. It was unbelievable. Jane was jealous. How could she not have seen it before? It was so blatantly obvious.

"I was just going to ask Maura here if, well…" He suddenly got shy. "Well if she would go on a date with me?"

This is ridiculous Jane thinks, that's supposed to be her. He took her moment. This is not what was supposed to happen. It was completely incorrect.

Maura looks to Jane and then BT.

No way, was she really being put in this situation. When Jane didn't immediately answer Maura began to lose hope, maybe she was mistaken, maybe she didn't have romantic interest and just saw her as the dumb genius everyone else did, that's what Jane had called her once. That would be fine of course but it still hurt.

As all this occurred Jane gained hoped with every second that passed.

Right when she was about to get her nerve and say something Maura answered deciding Jane took long enough.

"I would love to BT."

"WHAT?!" He and Jane said in unison causing Maura to undergo shock.

Jane and BT looked at each other.

"This is fantastic!" He states. "This is completely wonderful."

He goes over to hug Maura but Jane doesn't let this slide.

"I wouldn't do that." She states as a caution.

"Huh?"

"Dr. Isles doesn't like to be touched."

"Oh aright, I'll pick you up Friday!" And with those final words he exits.

"Why would you say that? You made me sound so cold." It was the first thought that comes to mind.

"Well it is true isn't?"

"Yes but I tell you such things in confidence."

"Well maybe you are a little cold ice queen." Jane says.

It shocks Maura.

"What has gotten into you?"

"Well it doesn't matter now does it?" Jane questions.

"I shouldn't have to put up with this. I shouldn't have to deal with your attitude." Maura says.

"Well then excuse me, I'll be leaving then. I hope you do not mind me taking my attitude with me."

They are both mortified at each other's behavior.

Jane was tired of fighting for her. She had had enough. If Maura wanted her she would have to start it now. She was going to do it no longer.

The tables were turned.

**Now you guys didn't think it was that easy did you? ;)**


	21. First date mishaps

**Disclaimer I do not R&I**

"Oh wow." Maura came in after her date. She had to admit it was alright.

"So how was it?" Jane was sitting on the couch. She had tried to act as if she wasn't tired and waiting up for the other woman.

"Just fine." Maura replies.

"What'd he do?"

"BT took me out for some wonderful French cuisine. It was all very classy and cultured."

"I see well wonderful."Jane says sarcastically. "So did he try anything funny?"

"Jane how could you insinuate such a thing? He was a perfect gentleman."

"Of course he was."

"Jane what is wrong? Please let me in. I am truly am tired of bickering with you."

"You gonna go out again?"

"Next Friday yes. He asked me for another date."

"Figures."

"Please Jane?"

"I can't tell you Maur."

"Why?"

"Because every time I come close to it, to telling you, things seem to go disastrously wrong for me, don't you understand? I'm going to leave it. Just respect that."

"Fine in that case you may sleep in the guest room."

"But the mattress was lumpy!" Jane whines.

"Goodnight detective." Maura heads off to her room.

Perfect Jane thinks to herself. All she wanted was for Maura to get dolled up for her as she had that night. Was that too much to ask?

**One week later**

BT goes upstairs. He is actually very nervous. He can hardly believe what is happening.

"Jane?" He comes to speak to the detective. He knew it had to be done.

"BT what are you doing here?"

"Well I have another date today and…"

"Please do not tell me you do not have anything planned!"

"Oh no it is not that, not at all, I had considered asking your advice seeing how well you knew Maura, closest thing she has as far as I know, but I figured I should make it all special myself. The thing is I know you don't take to me very well. I honestly do not understand it. It seemed when we first met it would all work out, but somewhere between that and this, it, I don't know what happened."

He really was a sweet guy. One of the good ones, Jane would know. Dennis and Fairfield seemed to be creeps, but that's what bothered her the most. She wanted the guy to screw up, but he was just too damn likeable and she would never wish hurt on Maura, she cared too much.

"I, I am just not used to people not taking a liking to me." He stated. It was not cocky or arrogant. "I just wanted you to know I will work to get into your favor if you want me to or not."

"And why is that?"

"Because, I know what you mean to Maura. I know she would never be with me if she doesn't have your blessing and she is quite, fantastic. She is unique to say the least."

Jane sighed and smiled. She could do this, be strong. If she had to she'd pick up the pieces if need be. She would go through it all. She just had to make one thing clear.

"BT you are a good guy. You could be good for her. I just need to tell you something. You will never have my blessing, never fully but if you believe you can woo Maura enough be my guest."

"Why not?"

"Because, I love her too. I am_ in_ love with her too." With that she turned back away to her computer.

"Detective?"

"Yes?" She did not turn back.

"Let the best person win."

With that he exited.

The simple fact Jane did not know was that Maura was right there behind some filing cabinets filled with some old cases. She was bringing some coffee to the woman to try to make amends. Finally the woman knew what Jane wanted. It was real. Maura knew what she was going to do She decided in that moment to woo the woman. She in that second decided who the better person was. She had always known. She had her doubts, but those were obviously misplaced. She was going to get her Jane.

The night came quickly. Maura got dolled up to go on her date. She had the perfect plan.

She smiled as it was put into action.

"Goodbye Jane!" She called out.

She was in sweats. This was going to be perfect.

She had talked to BT earlier that day and explained what she overheard. She told their story. She said how much they had been though and how there was too much history to ignore. He was an agreeable man. He was all too agreeable. Jane could actually be very good friends with the man Maura decided, after all this misunderstanding was sorted out. He could never take the place of Frost but he could be another person let into their tightly knit group.

After getting to the restaurant Maura called.

"Jane- Jane- He stood me up, please I need you. Dress up and come, please."

Of course Jane knew the plans for the evening. She rushed to Maura right away. She hated feeling used being at her beck and call, but they had been them so long she felt there was nothing she could do. She dressed and went out.

He had taken her to an Italian restaurant this time, not any the less fancy. When she got in, even being dressed up, she felt out of place. That's when she saw her, by candle light looking so very stunning. How could someone stand up such a gorgeous creature? She was in a low cut emerald green dress which hung in all the right places.

"Hey hey! Are you alright?"

Maura just smiled.

"Why of course. I had to make it all convincing didn't I?"

This was delicious. Maura couldn't contain her excitement.

"Convincing?" Jane sat. Just as she did the waiter came.

"Two lasagnas for the two lovely beautiful women."

"And you say I'm a dumb genius. For being a detective I must say…"

"Hey, wait a minute! What is all of this?"

"Now that is the right question isn't it?"

Maura had to admit that the first time she considered the date with Jane she wanted it to be something Jane would do, but it was too good of an opportunity to surprise the other woman. She was sure Jane would plan any further dates to come but for their first one she wanted control and even though Jane may squirm she wanted the upper hand. This was new for her too, and Jane would be a fish out of water either way, so she wanted to make sure that she could at least maintain herself. She wanted to keep her own head above water.

"Okay, I give up. I thought I would find you distraught. This had not even occurred to me."

"Oh Jane you really don't understand do you? I wanted to be with someone I am very attracted to and here you are. It was all planned. I mean you are practically moved in. I figured the least I could do was make sure our first _date_ was special."

Jane would have spit out her drink at that instant if she had one. Did she just hear that correctly?

"What did you just say?"

"Well can't I woo the woman I… _like_?"

"You like me? Like, like me like me?"

"No. I think I would even dare to go as far as love." Maura made a fake surprised expression; her mouth opening into an "o" and in that moment Jane could have been a puddle on the ground.

"As in, head over heels, which when it comes to me are fairly large, want a future with, more than friends, kids one day possibly, love."

Jane was dazed, shocked, as she took it all in.


	22. May I have this dance?

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

So this was how Maura wooed huh, fancy dinner, fancy restaurant? Jane let it all sink in for a moment.

This really was it. No more running, no more excuses. She was going to get her date even if hell froze over, the hole in the ozone layer grew to an unfathomable size, or even if the apocalypse started right then and there.

Jane quickly recovers. She gains her boastfulness back.

"Oh you are good Dr. Isles, but I hope you know it's going to take a lot more than just one date."

"I had planned for it." Maura smiled devilishly. "Maybe two, three, one hundred."

"A little presumptuous aren't we?"

"I have my plans and my ways."

They ate and talked. It fit together.

Maura gave Jane a necklace with her initial and had one of her own.

She put it on Jane quickly.

"There so now even if we are apart, we can be together."

Jane grinned which broke out into a full blown ecstatic smile one million watt Rizzoli smile.

"Maura what are we doing?"

"Doing the only thing we seem to know how to do, be together."

"It's all going to change you know." Jane said as she put her hands in the other woman's.

"I know." That was all that was replied.

"Aren't you a little scared, a little nervous?"

"No I know what I want. It has been to long that I have had to hide it, I'm ready."

"I am too."

As if on cue a violinist starts to play. Many people go out into the already prepared dance floor.

"How about we take this for a spin? Dance?" Jane stands up and extends her arm.

"Why Jane, if I didn't know any better I'd say you are trying to seduce me."

"So what if I am?"

They go out. Maura is surprised and she wraps her arms around the other woman's shoulders. She forgot she knew Jane could dance and boy  
could she ever.

One would think that the gawky lanky woman wouldn't know her way around the dance floor but were they mistaken. She was suave.

Jane brought her body closer and continued to lead. Maura rested her head on her shoulder. What had they been ignoring? All the time wasted. It could have always been this simple, so uncomplicated if they just got over their own emotions and feelings. It was all perfect.

"Me Jane, you Maura." Jane smiled one of the smiles that reached her eyes to go along with the joke.

Maura knew because she looked up and felt it all hum throughout her body.

"Don't do that. You know I can't help myself when you do that."

"What? This?" Jane made a funny face.

Oh what she did to make Maura laugh, to hear Maura laugh.

"Smile jokester, when you smile I can't…"

"You know, I don't understand."

Maura put her head back on the safe place.

"What?"

"How this can all feel so right with you. It's never worked before, you know that. But with you it is different, like me even saying this. I've never told any guy this."

"Maybe we were just too blind to see it."

"I fought for you that much you must know."

"I know and, this is me fighting back. I want it all Jane I want you. I want forever and always. I want our dreams to be real."

"You were my dream Maura."

"And you were mine."

"So now what?"

"We find a new dream, together."

"Did it actually work? Did I catch what I wanted finally? Did that little dog racing the track finally catch the rabbit?"

"I believe so."

"I can't promise you I'll be easy."

"Neither can I."

The music stops but Jane doesn't let go of her hand as they head to sit back down.

"Do you think we can keep this between us for now? I mean I told Korsak and ma but I want it to be just us for a while, we are just starting to figure this all out and everything."

"You told your mother of your feelings for me?" Suddenly Maura was nervous. She never even thought of the, natural consequences and repercussions. She hoped the woman could accept her like this.

"Don't worry, that's what I'm saying, we can take it a day at a time. They were both supportive anyhow. Ma doesn't care as long as she gets grand kids, you know her."

"Anything you want Jane."

"M?"

"Yes?"

"When did you know?"

"Somewhere between every little thing you did for me but almost losing you to Colonel Jones was a wakeup call."

This response earned a head dip from Jane.

"I'd do it all again you know."

"I know. What about you J?"

"Losing you to Africa because of Colonel Jones, he really was a wake up call."

Maura fiddled with Jane's long fingers. Now this was not innocent. It was made with every intent to be suggestive.

Jane raised an eyebrow.

"We don't have to you know? At least not yet. I'd actually rather not. I want this to be special and…"

"I understand."

"Maura I'm scared of what people will say, I mean they already assume I'm a, well, dyke, and if they know it's true, I wouldn't know what to do, people will judge us, people will stare, people won't always understand what we have, how real it is, some will always say it would have been better to throw my life away on Casey to,"

Maura kissed her cheek, then her other cheek, and then her forehead, it felt so good to do that again, after all this time.

"Let them talk."

Maura lifted her hand and smoothed out the creases on Jane's forehead.

"Don't worry your brain. Isn't that what you tell me? Don't listen to your head, what does your heart tell you?"

Maura places her hand on the subject in question.

"That I'm head, uh, over boots, in love with you too. I just needed to realize it."

Maura laughs in a melodic and soothing manner.

"Then trust it."

Maura calmed her. She was right, wasn't she always? She could take a few snide remarks, she was Jane Rizzoli. She was the girl who kissed another girl while under cover at the lesbian bar. She was the girl who got hit in the head in 3rd with the ball in third grade with the baseball and ended up leading her team to championships later after that. She was the girl who did ballet and played piano, cultured and refined. She was the basketball star.

She was Jane Clementine Rizzoli. The woman sitting across from her was Maura Dorthea Isles. She loved her and the woman she loved, loved her back. There was no stopping them now. It was done. When Jane didn't run away from the date she knew she was officially hooked. This was for keeps. This was the long haul. She was hers and the other girl took pride in that. She took pride in her.

"I'll trust you. Now come here."

Maura moved over to Jane's side of the booth once more. Jane grabbed the other necklace.

"Turn around."

Maura did as told and faced away from Jane.

"You can be my girl any day." She said, her voice filled with nothing but admiration.

She moved the hair out of the way as she put the necklace on the demure woman.

There was that neck again, so kissable, but this time she didn't have to stop herself. She got closer to Maura and stopped momentarily right before making contact. Maura got goose bumps and Jane knew she made the right move.

She finally put her lips to the skin. Maura tasted sweet. It was a joy that neither experienced before. The Shivers came as they had before filled with desire, but now there was no use hiding them. They could show each other just what it all meant.


	23. Secret admirer

**Disclaimer I do not R&I**

Maura and Jane could not help themselves. As each case came and went they found themselves closer and closer once again. The first day after their date back at work, Jane found some chocolates on her desk. There was an prying look from Korsak but he dropped it. Seeing the goofy look on Jane's face was enough to just let her be, but he had an inkling where they were from.

_I Hope you want something sweet sweetie_  
_-M_

This is teenager stuff the detective thinks. She was a grown woman, she shouldn't be feeling this way, bust she is.  
She thinks of when she was first learning Maura. She remembers how she moved from San Francisco, well that should have given something away shouldn't it?

She remembers the first time they actually went out together. She remembers how the others tried to pick on her. Jane being the only other woman felt the need to connect with her. It was all fascinating as Maura would put it. Jane found herself drawn to the other woman. Every little thing she knew didn't put Jane off, but rather caused her to be impressed.

She talked of her childhood years. How the woman entered so many academic clubs that she was ostracized for it for quite some time. She wishes that Maura didn't have to go through that but is only happy she did because it made her who she was and that was a faultless flawless woman.

Never in a million years would she imagine herself being so close to the other woman but here she was a few short years later after she replaced the last M.E. Dr. Tierney back when she was in the drug unit. Maura could be anywhere, live anywhere, but she chooses Boston and Maura chose her.

Mean while Maura is downstairs still walking on clouds from everything that had happened.

She thinks how far they have come and how much farther they will grow. They would spend nights in the arms of one another but now it was more than that their legs would intertwine, their fingers, they were finally able to just be with one another.

Nothing within their relationship dynamic changed however except for the fact they were even more caring towards one another.  
It wasn't at all awkward or wrong.

Upstairs Korsak questioned "Rizzoli? What has gotten into you? I thought Maura was, you know, with that BT guy?"

Jane had no answer.

"Doesn't matter." It was all she managed to reply.

Her mother hadn't caught them together, and even if she did she didn't let on.

"Whatever! Focus we have a new case! Women are showing up dead. We don't know why or how. It's all in public spaces."

Jane focused.

"Has Maura done the autopsy?"

"Just got the bodies in not more than an hour ago. Gunshot wounds to the chest and head. Acid was thrown on them. This is serious."

"Public means want for recognition."

"True, but think Rizzoli why the acid?"

"He wants the women to be ugly, maybe he follows them after seeing how mean they are. Ugly outside, ugly inside."

"Yes and?"

"Well that says he is probably rejected. He is never an alpha male and wants to feel like one, so he takes his victims." Says Frankie.

Frankie easily moved into the homicide unit after Frost passed. He was no longer a floater but part of the unit. It was hard but he found his place. Riley moved up in the ranks rather quickly so she was no problem any longer.

Frankie let the Garbin action figure be buried with the man, as he had formed a close bond with him over the last months and felt it was the right thing to do.

"Exactly. It also says whoever this is can get them to trust him."

"Maybe a dynamic duo?" The younger Rizzoli detective wonders out loud.

"Unlikely, all the women are petite, easy for a single person to handle."

"Well then he is obviously charming and the next second he goes manic."

Downstairs there is another conversation going on.

"Dr. Isles are you alright? You seem rather unfocused." Chang questions.

"Fine thank you, so tell me, what do you see going on here?"

"Well acid was thrown on their faces and fingers were dipped in it so no ID."

"The criminal left the ID though, and everything she owns, which tells you what?"

"That it is all a game."

"Very good you missed things of importance but still, very good."

Chang looks on waiting for explanation.

"The skin is still very raw, which means it was inflicted post mortem. The gunshot wound is also very over done, one being to the head and the other to the chest. This says our person of interest is very aggressive."

"I see." Chang was happy to have Dr. Isles back. Pike was good but he was no Maura. She got lost in her work while Pike was just lost. She had always looked up to the woman. She had a lot riding on her and Detective Rizzoli.

There was a bet going on through all the station of when and how they would get together. Harmless fun of course but everyday they took longer was another day she got more money.

One day she would leave them be, to themselves, just because they were so in love.

Maura cuts off a finger.

"Here take this for examination. Run it through with the most common acids."

"Of course, I'll be right on it."

Mura carefully and meticulously removed the two bullets. Ballistics would find them very useful.

She was going to take it up to the detectives.

"Maura!" Jane said a little too excited.

"Detective." Maura smiled.

"What brings you here?"

"I have the bullets. I figured you may run them by ballistics and it would aid in furthering your investigation."

Jane stands up and takes the bag.

"Thanks."

She sits back down but on the desk this time.

"Would you like a candy?" She questions.

Maura just nods.

"Now who gave you these?"

"Ah. Just someone special." Jane smiles.

Maura takes the candy and cannot help but look at the way that Maura eats it. It makes her look so…

Just then Frankie comes around and takes the note.

"Someone special huh? I've never heard Jane refer to any one as special. Sure sometimes when they would call but…"

"Give it back!" She shouted.

However, he had a few inches on his older sister, but he did not dangle it in front of her just in case. Instead he put it behind his back.

The note was luckily folded up, and just as he was about to call something unexpected happened.

"Rizzoli, other Rizzoli, stop playing around! We have a homicide to investigate." It was the lieutenant. "If we don't nip this in the butt I'm going to have to get senators and congressmen and maybe even the governor off my back and I will blame you! Don't throw this city into chaos."

"Sorry sir." They said in unison.

Frankie hands her the note back.

"I'm sorry Janie. Look if you want to keep it under wraps for now go ahead. I know how hard it is for you to talk about feelings. Just know if you ever want to invite him over for dinner, that's fine by me."

Jane was happy her brother understood even if he didn't know everything going on. She was actually most nervous to tell her brothers. They had always looked up to the older woman and she didn't want either of them thinking she was a freak. She herself was still digesting it all.


	24. Good morning

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

They both went home after a long day.

"Maura did you get anything new? On the case?"

"No, the way I see it he is throwing a mix of hydrochloric acid. He seems to be highly functional. If he can get women to go with him, that must mean he is in a position of power or a way of making them trust him."

"Wonderful. Just what I needed another nut job to worry about."

"Just be careful Jane."

"Don't worry I will be."

"Really! I don't want anything to happen to you. I want you to be safe. I understand what you have to do, but be smart about it all. I know you are cunning, just please, I don't know what I'd do if you didn't come home."

"Hey, hey, I'll always come back to you, so how about bed?"

"Don't mind if I do."

They go into one another. They had spent the last few nights together. Jane was more relaxed and calm, Maura brought that out of her. She could finally sleep in peace, and Maura seemed to get nightmares lees and less frequently herself.

Neither could ever figure out what drew them to one another. It was just as a mystery to those around them. They could name the little things but that in itself would never be enough. There were as many reasons as there were stars.

That was the beauty of it all. All the "how's" and "if's" didn't matter. The fact was it was "just because" and "it did". There "why's" needed no more reason. There was no more questioning. It was what it was and they were satisfied in that.

If anyone were to ask they wouldn't know how to explain it, how to explain themselves. None of it would be an issue though. They just were.

Something they would not expect was Angela, going in early that morning. She was going to call out after she opened the door, but her words stopped short. There were the girls hanging on to each other as if their lives depended on it. She could not help but smile. She watched as their hair seemed to become one strand, going between light and dark. They really did make a nice couple. Angela could not help as she grabbed a camera and snapped a shot. Both would thank her later.

She did not approve completely, she knew they were living in sin but her motherly instinct over came all of that. All she wanted as a mother was for Jane and Maura to be happy and she knew they were with each other. They loved one another and would protect one another.

No one noticed when Jane and Maura played with their necklaces. No one noticed Jane had put up that picture of her and Maura from the wedding, where they looked lovingly on each other.

Sure Angela was catholic and loved her faith, it was the only thing that kept her sane after Frank Sr. and her kids putting their lives on the line daily, but she was a mother first.

The woman would not be the one to tell, as they were so obviously waiting to say something. She did not want to ruin their time to be with one another, learn one another in this new way. She didn't want to bring actuality into the mix, so the gossiper would be tight lipped and quiet. She inaudibly slipped away, they would be up soon enough.

It was just as she thought. Their alarms went off.

"Mmmm." Jane groaned. Maura was the first alert and turned off the phones.

"Common time for work sleepy head." She cooed.

"Noooooooo. I don't want to!"

"Honey…"

"Nuh-uh."

"Love…"

"Just five more minutes…"

Just then the doctor got a wicked idea. How delightfully sinful.

Maura climbed on top of her and kissed her lips for the first time much a disappointment to Jane. She did not want their first kiss to be filled with her bad breath, but man was it good. She couldn't stop her immediate reaction. Fireworks, she actually saw fireworks. She was a grown woman and shouldn't be feeling this way, but here she was, getting woken up with a morning kiss and felt an ache she had never known could be so strong. She smiled into it.  
That's when Maura went down to her neck. If she wasn't awake before she certainly was now. This certainly got Jane's attention. Maura couldn't help but love Jane's moan that escaped her without control and it only drove her further.

She grabbed her finger and ran it down her stomach over her shirt slowly and teasingly.

"Oh wow." Jane responds as she looks down, taking in Maura's body. Maura looks up at the woman.

"Mmm indeed."

"Some first kiss huh?"

Maura laughs, which leaves Jane bemused.

"You really don't remember?"

"Enlighten me."

"This isn't our first kiss. You kissed me. At the robber-during your- bachelorette party."

"I WHAT?! How could you not tell me?!"

Maura gave her the best "really?" look that she had ever received.

"Point taken, oh babe." Jane husked.

Now she turned Maura over. Seeing her hair was too much. She twirled a single strand around her finger.

Suddenly it all became a little to blatantly obvious.

She then used that finger to go down Maura's cheek then down her neck to trace her collar bone back and forth.

"I want to take you out tonight."

"I would love that."

"No, I mean, a good old fashioned Rizzoli date."

"Please do. I would like to see what you have up your sleeve."

"No tricks, I promise." Jane smiled. "You know, I wouldn't mind getting ready for work, if I get to do this all the time."

She kissed her hard with so much care and ran her tongue over Maura's bottom lip.

"We have to get ready." Maura whined barley getting the words out

"You cannot resist the Rizzoli charm. You cannot resist my beautiful mind…"

"And who says so?"

"Honestly, we should make some ground rules for work because I can't help it if you want to do this all the time."

She bit her lip.

Maura was offended.

"Oh but detective I have much more self control than you. I mean," She blows in her ear and dropped her voice,

"I see how you look at me when I wear a…loose…fitting….blouse."

Jane trembles and with that the doctor uses the release of pressure to wiggle out of the hold to stand up.

"Oh you ARE good."

Maura was going to look back and wink but before she could create enough distance she slapped her behind. Maura squeaked at the feeling and jumped just a little.

"But so am I." Jane winked.

Maura threw a pillow that was on the floor to the woman.

They both quickly got ready. They would go in the same car as per usual now.

Angela was down stairs.

"Hey ma!"

"Hi girls!"

"I was just going to tell you Maura and I are going out tonight, so don't wait up."

"Oh and what do you plan to do?"

Maura was suddenly interested.

"Yes Jane what will we do?"

"Aww, it's a surprise you don't want me to ruin it huh?"

"Fine fine, anyway," Angela looks to Maura "How is that BT? I thought you liked him." Angela questioned. She just wanted to get a rise out of the doctor, she  
knew she couldn't lie.

"Hives Maura-"Jane said trying to be cautions of how to navigate the waters, but the other woman remained calm.

"Um yes, well he was nice, but I do not believe that it is going to work out…"

"Yes we-"Maura gives Jane a look. "No-I-"Gosh it was just like before but more awkward. "Well, she,… it just didn't work out!"

"Come on Jane. We really must get going." Maura grabs her by the hand, unbeknownst that Angela immediately caught on to the gesture.

They leave off to work.

"Oh, I am totally in the money! Finally!"


	25. Motorcycle madness

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Throughout work the hours seemed to drag on. It wouldn't end. They were both skittish. They had been getting closer and getting used to everything, but still this was only their second official date.

"Maura- if you are going with me, it has to be more comfortable than that!"

To be honest both were very nervous. They wondered if they would ever get over this stage.

"Okay if you insist."

Maura changes into jeans and a comfortable tee along with some sneakers. It was different but she figured whatever Jane wanted her to do require her to be comfortable.

They go outside and Maura looks around.

"Where's the car?"

Jane just smirks and leads her down the driveway.

That's when Maura saw it. The motorcycle, Frankie's motorcycle, he had long decided to fix it up and here it was in all its glory.

"No way, we are not riding this."

Jane takes out the helmets she hid.

"Oh but we are!"

"If we die Jane…"

"We will be fine I am sure you have some statistic filed away in that head of yours of how motorcycles cause fewer accidents and are in fewer accidents than cars."

"Actually they are in a greater amount of danger."

"Just let it go, I had to beg this off my brother!"

Jane was also not brainless.

She remembered how much it turned the other girl on.

Jane easily tuned on the machine and it turned on to life.

"Come on, take a walk on the wild side."

She got on the bike and held out her hand.

Maura got on. They drove onto the road. Jane sped up slowly, letting her love adjust to the speed. They felt the machine roar under them.

This was free will, this was independence, and this was freedom.

The motor made them move up and down. Jane could have ignored it if at that moment Maura hadn't put her hands around her waist and put her chin on her shoulder. She moved her like no one else could. The long wait was well worth it. Maura kissed her cheek. After holding bated breath for so long, it was all now there, waiting for them. They both had been so scared to let go, but their reservations left when they were together. They had waited so long for one, the one, and they were there the whole time.

The signs had always been there.

They finally got to their destination.

"Bowling?" Maura asked thrilled. She had never been bowling!

"Let's do this Isles." Jane smiled.

They quickly gained shoes and a lane to play on.

It was perfect. At first Maura didn't do well. Jane of course came up behind her and aided her in getting the perfect shot. She led her.

"Is this okay?" Jane questioned. Sure they had kissed but, it was just much, being out in public. She wanted to make sure it was comfortable.

"Ideal, just what the doctor ordered." Maura once again leaned into Jane.

"So, what you are going to do is open your legs, make sure you have enough space, and get a good stance."

Maura did as told, Jane was always so patient with her.

"Now," she grabs her hips, "walk back." They walked behind the main line.

"Now we are going to run pull our hand back and let it go before we hit the line." She says.

They move together and get a strike.

Maura turns around with pure bliss on her face, and jumps just as she claps her hand, and just then she realizes just how close she is, she  
kisses Jane, and it felt marvelous knowing she could. It was miraculous.

"Hungry doll?" Jane poses.

"Famished."

Jane goes to get food. She returns with two burgers.

"Burgers Jane?"

"Hey you're on a date with me, that means grease honey."

"Actually, I haven't had a burger in ages, it sounds wonderful." Maura mimics her mother, and Jane remembers the moment all too clearly.

They play a few more rounds. In the end Maura won, but with help from Jane of course.

They then head to the arcade.

"You know I've never met a girl who could make dead people speak." Jane says.

"If that's your idea of a pickup line, you'll have to do much better than that."

"I've been working that all day now! Come on!" She can't help but feel untainted delight.

They play some basketball, this time Jane wins of course.

Air hockey was their next hurdle.

Finally Maura sees it.

"JANE! A POOL TABLE!"

"Oh jeez Maura, you like pool?"

"You mean to tell me Detective Mcbadass DOES NOT play pool?"

"Shhh keep it down." Jane says.

"I honestly assumed you would."

"Well I don't."

"Well now he HAVE to play!" Maura shouts.

"If we must." Jane says to appease her girlfriend. Wait, girlfriend, where did that come from?

"Maura before we start, can I ask you something?"

"We are together right? Like just me and you, you and me, exclusive, together?"

"Do you want to be?"

"I want you to be mine."

"Jane, I always have been." It was all insecurity which was easy to quell. "I'm happy we didn't go wrong, this isn't going to go wrong I can  
feel it sweet heart. I knew you were never right for any of them. You needed to stand next to me, you needed to be with me."

"We needed this. Right here, right now."

"Come on let's play!"

Jane couldn't help but admire how sensual Maura looked studying the billiards. She saw how she leaned on the table.

"It's all in the work and power, angle, with the right mathematics, with the right slant…"

Maura stuck her tongue to the side as she focused, she pulled back the cue and, she got three balls into the pockets, all three solids.

"Looks like you are stripes." She fluttered her eyes.

Jane ended up being able to hold her own but alas lost.

"You're amazing."

Maura was happy that even when Jane did not have things go her way she was still filled with pride in her own accomplishments.

"Don't break my heart J. Please, don't. You're the only one who could ever do it."

"M. Don't break mine."

When the day was over they knew that they would always go home now, their home, to each other. They were each other's haven. Demons  
no longer haunted them. That was all in the past. They might create some or the world would make some for them, but for tonight it was them against the world, standing tall and together. Whatever came.

"Come on, let's go home."

Jane leads Maura out of the door.

The circles they had been running for years finally came to an end. They were lovely to each other. Apologies were said without words. Reasoning behind actions was now evident. They understood each action now done with love, which at the time made them feel that it was all over, that there was no chance. Progress now shown, but that didn't beat as closely or loud as what their heart screamed. The heart, which gave life, that's what they did for each other now.

They wished they could go back, to the beginning, when it all started, if not just to make up for lost time. They wouldn't even know where to begin. All that mattered was now. They would be selfish if it meant being able to be stronger for one another. They would do anything for one another.

On the motorcycle, they road off into the night, two people lost in time, doing nothing but making memories and rewriting history.


	26. Step right up! Step right up!

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Two rings. Jane picked up. She hoped it hadn't woken Maura. Luckily she looked over and she was still peacefully asleep.

"Rizzoli. Yeah Korsak. No I'll come in early if there is development." She whispers. "No! I'm not whispering because I'm in Maura's room! No don't call her. It's obviously not a body is it?- Okay then, let her sleep, I'll come right in."

She hangs up.

"Sorry baby, I got to go. Sleep well." She kisses her forehead.

Maura woke up that morning alone with the normal clock. For a second she thought all of it had been some sort of dream.

Some sick thing her mind conjured up. That was until, she saw the note written and left on the pillow next to her body. It still smelled like lavender.

_Hey M,_  
_I had to hit work early. Sorry. You looked to stunning to wake and I wanted to let you sleep. I'll brief you when you come in. See you soon._  
_-J_

She thought Jane was so sweet to care about her well being. It made her want the woman that much more.

When Jane got to the room she looked around.

"Korsak, what happened?"

"Well that's just it Jane, we got to the station and got this live feed on the screen. Someone hacked into the database."

"Who is it?"

"We think it is the acid thrower."

"This is strange. The room is empty."

Maura got ready. She was expected at work within the next half hour or so. She changed into a extravagant outfit. She wanted to look nice for Jane.

Maura figured she would take a cab. It would be easier than taking her car. She knew she would go home with Jane anyway and did not want to waste gas if it didn't call for it.

She went out. Luckily her street was busier than others and she was able to hail a cab rather quickly.

"Where to Dr. Isles?" The man questioned. She thought it rather odd that he knew her name but she was the Chief Medical Examiner for the  
Commonwealth of Massachusetts and had been in her fair share of tabloids.

"Oh just BPD thank you."

"Of course."

He was a tall man, beard, brown hair which was spiked up.

"Have you been able to track it?" Jane asks Frankie.

"Well I'm no Frost, and even if I was he would have a hard time tracking down this IP address."

Frost had shown him a thing or two, but all the technological theories were at times hard to keep in order.

"The name is Stark by the way, John Stark."

Maura was hardly paying attention. Her mind was on the case.

"I hear you are working on a new case, is that right?"

It was as if he read her like an open book.

"That's confidential need to know information. I'm sure you won't think me rude."

"Oh, no, no, no, I never think a lady rude." This was all he said back as he tipped his hat. They were at a stop sign. He took a wrong turn.

"Umm excuse me, I think you are going the wrong way." She states, a little hesitantly. She did not want to tell someone how to do their job.

"Oh no this is a short cut!"

He looked back at her with a beam.

"Can't you find anything by the surroundings Korsak?

"Nothing, there isn't anything around. It's just a black room."

"Who knows maybe the guy is just toying with us."

"I don't know Jane, I don't feel right about this." Frankie responded.

Suddenly the glass slide between Maura and the driver closed. Maybe he was done talking, she assumed. That was for the better, her mind couldn't handle something as trivial as idle chatter.

"Look I don't know, maybe Maura will see something we don't. She'll be here. I don't want to go into any of this without her."

Just then the back of the cab filled with gas. Maura got lightheaded and she started finding it difficult to breathe. The man's voice carried over through the cab.

"Nighty night doctor. Sleep tight. Try and not let those bed bugs bite." He cynically laughed at his own joke.

Oh god, who was this person? What did he want?

Don't inhale, don't breathe.

Jane. Jane would save her.

Don't gasp.

Maura felt everything go black in her brain. Her breathing became labored.

Please Jane, she reflects to herself, save me.

As more time passed looking at the screen Jane grew more uneasy.

She called Maura, no answer.

Something wasn't right. Something was wrong. She should've been here by now.

She thinks maybe somehow she missed her note, so she heads downstairs towards the elevator.

She spots Susie inside.

"Hello Susie, is Maura here?"

"Dr. Isles? No I assumed she would be with you. I figured you might notify her on the turning of the investigation."

"That's odd. She should have known to come up and talked to me. This isn't like her, she is never late for work."

"Detective Rizzoli, I wouldn't worry, you care too much for our doctor, she's a big girl, I'm sure she can handle herself. If anything it's YOU I'd be worried about."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Oh just that you are always out there on the front line is all risking your life. It must be stressful. I'm sure Dr. Isles will turn up."

"Thank you Susie."

She heads back upstairs. She takes her time about it, trying to figure it all out. All Jane could hope was that she was safe, somewhere. She tried her cell again, still no answer. When she enters there are immediately questions.

"Was she there?" Korsak wants to know.

"No." Jane purses her lips.

Where could she be, they needed her for this case. It was very important.

That's when the silence was broken.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen. It's time for the main event." A spotlight shows, a single one.

A man dressed in black comes on the screen. He is wearing a clown mask.

Clown? That rang some bells.

"Tsk tsk tsk. People never learn. They think they can trust one another, how quite unfortunate."

"Who are you?" Jane growls.

"Ah in good time my fair detective."

"What do you want?"

He shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head.

"I got bored."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean exactly what I said. I hear you are pretty good so I wanted to put it to the test. I have gotten away with so much in so little time, and even more than you know about. Everything has been so dull! Isn't this fun? So very exciting! Don't you like games detective? I would so like to play one!" His voice was masked through an audio voice changer.

"Are you the one who shot those girls? Poured acid over them?"

"Oh so you are familiar with my work! How flattering!"

"What if I don't want to play?"

Jane was tired of creeps like this. She was tired of all the competition.

The only thing she wanted to do was put this monster behind bars already.

"Jane, play along with the delusion, you know how it works." Frankie whispered as he came closer.

"Keep your cool Rizzoli" Korsak states.

"Oh I think you will want to once you know the prize dear!" He says. His voice was patronizing he knew something she didn't.

It bothered her so. It made her ask.

"What do you know? Tell me? I'd so like to know what I win."

"Ah yes! Step right up and see what could be yours, for a small price that is!"

The screen goes black again.


	27. Carnival craze

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

"What is this about?" Rizzoli asks herself.

She could not piece it all together. The feed ended. She was so confused.

"We're getting all this right Vince?"

"It is uploading to the system as we speak. Every second is being transferred. Jane, let him think he is in control. It's the only way."  
The spot light comes back on along with the feed. There is a woman bandaged up with duck tape and rope sitting on a wooden chair. She has a black bag over her head. The man shows himself with a grip over her neck and a knife over neck. The woman is not struggling.

"What is this about?" She questions the man now, confidently.

The man smiles under the mask, Jane felt the change in the atmosphere even over a screen.

"Now you are getting it right." The man says. "You see, I know you know my friend, well, my departed friend, Dr. Hoyt."

Jane's blood ran cold, that bastard was still getting her, even after being six feet under.

"You see Janie, it is alright if I call you that yes?"

"No."

"I see. That is fine, very well, as you know, you killed my friend, now that wasn't very nice was it?"

"He tried killing mine."

The man clapped his hands.

"Oh yes, oh goody! That is so true."

This made her blood boil. The knife was dropped from his hand, he was getting uninterested.

Jane could not even comprehend how Maura would put herself into the categories of these freaks. Hoyt had told her they were alike but there were so many differences. She thought of the fear in her eyes, considering it may be true. Maura was pure even if she thought she wasn't. She had been dark, considering she could murder, but one Dr. Isles would never hurt a fly.

"Mmmm. Poor Doctor Isles, shouldn't your friend know better than to take a cab by now?"

He saw that her mind had drifted away.

This got Jane's attention. It was as if he read her mind.

"There it is it is, there we are now- concentrate will you?"

The man then took the cover off and immediately Jane felt sick to her stomach. Maura, Jane's Maura, god he had her. This was not happening.

"You know Hoyt thought you were together there, well to do couple, so what if they were the same gender? More fun! That's what he told me. He would have taken both of you. I still cannot imagine him not getting what he wants."

"What do you want? I'll do anything. Just tell me."

"Well, as I said- I wanted a challenge. Sure police come at times. They investigate and ask questions, but it is so easy to swindle them. I even trapped a few."

He brings his gloved hand up. He pretends to pick at his nails.

Jane could see the state that Maura was in. She was drugged but still half alert. God, what had they done to her?

"Maura-"

The doctor looked with glazed eyes.

"Now are you certain you would like to play?"

"Tell me what you want." Jane's hands balled into fists. Her fingernails dug into her palms.

This guy really was in power. He had the one thing in her life that actually gave it worth.

"Well you see, it is very hard for me to, be able to control myself."

He took a gun, near from where he had set the knife.

Then he put it on her head.

"Don't touch her! Don't hurt her!"

"Isn't it my fortune? Dr. Isles just happened to be the one that entered my cab this morning. It made it all that much better. See, I also had a beef with her daddy, I'm sure you know Doyle. I suppose part of it was revenge also. I wanted to avenge my friend and stick it to Paddy too.  
What better way than to take his precious little girl? I believe that she means something to you too no?"

Maura responded with a grunt at this.

Cab, Jane filed this in the back of her mind along with Hoyt and Doyle.

He brought back down the gun.

"Maura." Jane whispers to herself.

Now it was she with the prayer.

"See detective I had been planning this game, I knew you would take me up on my offer. The thing is though, that, the stakes became much higher suddenly. It was all so very splendid."

"How did you know Hoyt and Doyle?"

"Well criminals stick together; the only difference was that I never got fixed. No one could ever tie me to anything. I wrote him letters. What an amazing man. So dastardly, one that someone like me could really, aspire to be. I read his stories on the newspaper and knew we would make great buddies. I looked up to him. Who thinks of the cab driver anyway? They are courteous, get you from A to B. We do our job. You will not find me in that little system of yours. I was simply going to draw you too out, but look! She came to me and you gave her up, it was all too perfect not too start. I'll finish it too if I must."

This guy really was certifiably insane.

"What are the rules ogre?"

"Well don't we get down to business? How very drab, not in the mood for some imagination?" He sighs.

"Tell me now!" There is a bite to Jane's tone.

"If you must know fine."

He looks at his watch. It was 2:00 PM. Jane follows his lead and herself notices her time.

"You have two days, I figured I would at least give you some time, it'd be so lackluster without it no? The time just adds to the upheaval!"

"To do what?"

"Well find us of course. If not your precious comrade, well I am sure you can only imagine. You are a detective no? You have seen what bad men like me may do no?"

"You are nothing but a two faced-"

"All is well no? I wouldn't be throwing insults. Don't feel too bad for not finding it all out sooner though, I only mark the ones that I take, and I hadn't started that part of the process until recently. Not only this, but I work more, discreetly if you will, than the others. If I were you I would hurry. I do get so mind numbingly unamused, and need, stimulation."

He ran his finger over her cheek slowly.

"Oh god."

He suddenly brought back up the gun, which had been brought down, and pointed it back at Maura's head once again.

Jane could not bear to see it all.

She looked away for a split second and heard the worst sound in her life. The gun went off.

There was a slight scram from Maura. All thoughts raced at once. Had he actually shot her? God what if she was still alive? What if she had brain damage? What if she forgot everything?

Jane would never be able to live with herself if Maura had actually gotten hurt in such a manner. It was the one thing that could end her own life. This was all her fault. God, Casey was right.

She should have never been with her. She should have been with her that morning. If she was there that morning maybe she would have gotten taken instead. Maura would have never taken the cab.

Guilt flooded her. She took a cab because she knew I'd take her home. She took a cab because she trusted the woman.

She looked back at the screen.


	28. I'm scared

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Time seemed to slow down in that moment. She took in every second.

She looked, and she was alive through.

That's all that mattered now. He shot her shoulder. It was a through and through.

Jane let a single tear flow down. It was too familiar seeing Maura in this situation.

"Next time she won't be so lucky. Poor Dr. Isles, no one ever seems to listen to her."

"What does that mean?! Where are you?! Tell me!" Jane screamed.

"If I were you, I'd sign up for the army Janie. I wouldn't stand there detective, time is running out."

Army?

They lose the feed again.

It all reminded her of the Jane Doe they got. How it was a Jack and Jill. How Maura had been so monumentally significant.

"Jane." Frankie didn't know what to say.

This single word and the detective sprung to action.

"I am head of this investigation. We start, NOW."

She still could not piece everything together. It was all so random. His mind unstable chemistry was being only one part of the conundrum.

The way all of it played out wasn't anything but an enigma. She hoped she could put it all together in time.

"Korsak, this clown reminds of that creep. Is he still locked up?"

"The clown? Yeah Jane, hasn't been released."

"Apprentice?"

"He was a joy killer, not a mastermind, highly doubtful."

"Jane this is good, he won't kill her not yet."

"Yeah he'll beat her and…" Maura had been put into this situation to many times. Ian, oh god the nightmares were bound to start again.

She shook. "Double check the clown. I have to go interrogate."

"Jane."

"IF YOU CANNOT GET THE JOB DONE THEN ASK FRANKIE." Jane was livid. She immediately felt regret but could not come off her high of adrenaline.

The disgusting person messed with the wrong woman.

She went to the prison. Hoyt had nothing to do with this but he might as well have.

"Let me see Doyle."

"Ma'am , that's a conflict of interest. You know that."

"Does it look like I care?"

She talked to the main security guard.

"Fine, go to the waiting area."

He moved out of the way and they let him out. They got everything situated.

"Doyle."

"Hello detective. What do I owe this pleasure?"

She grabbed him by his prison uniform.

"Maura is in danger, I'd rather skip the formalities. What have you done Doyle? Are these your boys?"

He seems shocked and he truly is. He would still give his life for the two girls he loved.

"Jane. I would never hurt Maura."

She saw the sincerity in his eyes.

"Then tell me, who would want to hurt you?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry, I really do not know."

All those who would want to hurt Paddy Doyle were mainly locked up or were indifferent now that he wasn't running the docks. Well everyone except for this one psycho.

Dead end, Jane was at a total loss, she starts to walk off.

A voice stops her, Doyle's voice.

"Jane-"

She turns back around.

"Bring her home."

All she can do now is nod.

She would do it or lose her life trying. She goes back to the station.

"Have you found anything?"

"Jane. There's nothing. We haven't come up with anything."

"What have you been doing? Sitting, not even trying?"

"Jane." This was Korsak trying to calm her down.

"I'm sorry- we just need to find her."

"We will, we will."

Suddenly a man walks in.

"Delivery for one Jane Rizzoli."

There were flowers with a note attached, how familiar.

_Roses are red _  
_Violets are blue_  
_Look for something that beeps too_  
_If this is to fail_  
_The eyes are a gateway_  
_To clearly see  
The undeniable truth_  
_-Anon_

"Why would he be hinting clues?"

"Why does anyone do anything?"

"God, he's talking in riddles."

Of course something that beeps.

"Korsak! Find her cell phone! Track it now."

He did as told.

"Jane it's at a base not too far from here!"

"Army, that's it. Come on let's go!"

They rush over, sirens blaring, piercing, and screaming. The lights seemed to laminate everything.

They scanned the whole building, she wasn't there. None of it was fair.

"He knew we would do what we did. He's one step ahead."

Jane Rizzoli hit her fist against the wall, hard concrete. It didn't hurt. Nothing could hurt more than her body itself at the moment. She needed it as a wake up call. He planted it there, how could she be so ignorant?

She didn't go home that night. She just viewed the video over and over again.

It was so hard to face one's beasts that were larking in the darkest corners. They were leering there waiting for the perfect moment to rear their ugly heads. This was her. She could never love another. Maura had once asked if that would save her, never getting married or having children. She replied no. This was why. She knew eventually, her sentimentality would be her downfall. Hoyt was right, her mind ruled her heart. It would make her that much more determined.

Jane Rizzoli was out for blood.

"Come on sweetie. Talk to me." She grabbed her necklace. "Where are you baby?"

Jane did not have a satisfying breakfast that morning.

Frankie brought her a cup of coffee as Maura would have done, if she were safe. When she takes it her hands are shaking.

"Look at me Frankie, I'm scared."

"Jane we are going to find her."

"That's not what I am scared of."

"Then what is it?"

"Frankie, we have one day left. I haven't gotten any sleep."

"Janie go home!"

"No. Never. Not until we get her."

"Jane, you are not going to get anywhere just staring at her in a video."

"Well it's all I have. It may be all I have left."

"Don't talk like that! Don't let your mind go there."

She stands up and goes to his face. They are not but a few inches away.

"I can only be the hero so many times, one day I'm going to fail, and I don't know what my life would be like after that. I can't save the world, but she's my world Frankie." She screams all this with so much rage.

"I'll be certifiably insane Frankie. I don't know what I'd do to this man if given the chance to wrap my arms around his neck and he actually hurt her. I don't want to go to that place anymore. I'm not an animal. I'm not a extreme person, but I easily could be." This is much more quite, much more thought out.

"You are a Rizzoli. That means something." He holds his sister in his arms.

"Frankie, it's like you said. He almost killed me, I didn't fight after he had me pinned. I only fought for her, I killed him to protect her. I never, I was never whole after that day. After every day that he was in, it was, it was all constant torture. I don't want it to all start again. I don't want to have nightmares mixed with reality when I was just starting to feel complete again. I didn't know what I was capable of."

"Go to your house. Maybe you'll see something in the house, eat something, a real meal. Ask around, perhaps someone got a look at the cab.  
Don't give up Jane. We will be here. If anything comes up we'll call."

"Fine, I'll go, only to ask for plates. I pray to god that someone saw the plates."

Jane was there and at the brink of sanity. This was her life, what she was born to do, but, what would be left of it?


	29. Question of consequence

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

You know what is worse than needing a "superman"? Not knowing you need someone to save you in the first place. A redeemer one may call it.

In this moment in time Maura Isles did not know she needed help. She was rendered mainly unconscious during the affair.

An out of body, out of mind experience is usually described as when one does not know what is going on around them.

They do not respond, they do not take in their surroundings. When they do, they do not believe it is them with the experience.

The most frightening part was the moments when she was at least slightly aware.

This was a complete paradox to the trapped independent woman.

She had never been afraid to know any facts, willing to always go the distance. She didn't have to ask however.

Why the man would come close with knives and guns, with, his body.

In all honesty she did not want to ask, she would rather be innocent of the information.

There was no need of comprehension. At this moment she envied the dead even, part of her who had worked so closely with those who had passed, wanted to be where they were, a little peace granted.

She didn't have to ask why certain acts occurred. The only question she had was, where?

Where was her knight in shining armor? Where was her protector? That in itself was not a question.

She knew that Jane was looking, and would not let her suffer.

She was probably restless, she was probably fuming, and she was probably wishing they could talk, at least one more conversation for old time's sake, just in case.

This is what kept the doctor going. Even if she were too late, that much she pieced together even in a groggy state, that there would be no regrets, except for seconds wasted.

Maura did what she could to leave the place, she would imagine a perfect life. A life of healing, of healing others and those around her, a life of joy with Jane would consume her.

It was the little things that mattered, when all was said and done, the little things that had filled her life with joy, the things that just were and didn't have to be. It as simple as family, love, her own fulfillment.

This thought was no longer one of longing. It was no longer out of want as it had been in Africa. It was now of need. It was a necessity.

If she didn't do it, she would be sure to not be in her right mind.

She would hold out for her Jane. She would wait until the end of time, until the last star burnt out in the night sky.

All in all, she hoped Jane would move on.

This was not a thought of desperation, no, this was a thought of redemption.

This was a swan song of a sort, even through the last note of the symphony had not been played, even though the last note of the concert had not been sung. The last act had not occurred. The play was still going. The book still left unwritten, along with the compositions of a poet and those of a songwriter. There was still a fight and nothing was left at the same time.

None of it happened, yet.

If anyone knew Jane Rizzoli it was Maura Isles and that being said, she knew Jane would die if she didn't save her.

It would kill her piece by piece. She would withdrawal, run like never before, she wouldn't take it.

If Jane failed she knew Jane would blame herself for the rest of dammed eternity and that is the last thing Maura craved for her love, her one true love, her knight, her personal shield.

She hoped if she did not come that she would be able to conquer any guild, forgive herself.

Maura hoped that passion and vibrant colors would still echo and sound throughout the other's life.

This was however done with full hope. She would wait until her last dying breath if that would be what it took, until she could not utter another word. It all seemed simple by now. She was used to waiting for her Jane and she would do as she had always done.

They would be together again.

How could the universe be so cruel?

Her body ached, her hands, her wrists. Discoloration had set in by now, all these thoughts only between words.

The police's strong words, she knew they were looking, talking, while she was rendered useless, they were passion bound.

She didn't speak. There were no quotes to be pulled, just endless thoughts to be pulled from an unsettled and wandering.

It truly was a different experience.

Three hours, that's the average for missing children, Maura wondered if anyone bothered to wonder the same question for adults, women.

Not even she knew.

This is what she did, and yet here she was.

Usually when one of the two was taken it was a fast ordeal. They would be shaken yes but they were fine. They found each other within hours. The hostage situations and the shootings, the break-in's, the abuse, it was all ended quickly. This dragged out. He liked making them question, enjoyed it.

Twists and turns at every corner like a haunted house but this was not amusing.

Teeth clenched, it wasn't fair. Anger, anger set in. They hadn't even told anybody yet.

She wished she didn't play the victim. Maura wished that she could let her past go. She didn't want anything controlling her. She wanted to be stronger. She hated being ripe for abuse, for the picking. It always seemed to be her.

It was all so real, too real, and now…

He mumbled, talked to himself, usually she wouldn't be so helpless, she would talk. Maura would use her smarts, use what she knows. It would all be so needless now, even if she could. This was passed the brink.

Beat and reward that's how it worked. That's how psychopaths work. It was all terror tactics.

Everything, all reality was shaken up. There were so many answered and still so many questions were solved, so many mysteries were closed.

Now it was about how it all played out.

It would take its toll. There would be consequences. All Maura wanted was to be able to let them work out, to be able to work out with Jane.

Maura hoped Jane would not go back, to the nightmares, as she once had.

Maura hoped no PTSD would touch their minds.

Maura hoped that what would happen would occur for a reason.

Maura knew what would happen next.

Maura would never question again for a single thought, except for one exception.

She wasn't sure what how it would happen, how she would come out at the other side.

She would make it to the other side.

She would stand to see the light of day once again.

She would go to the Dirty Robber and the café and go on more dates.

She would live her life.

Maura isles would live.

In and out, breaths, thoughts, coming and going.

Everything boiled down to two things, love and death.

"Oh, look the time. What a pity, what a shame." It was him. It was the monster. It was John Stark. He slowly strides toward Maura who was silenced still "Goodbye darling. It really must be time to be going isn't it?" Silence was the only response as he knew it would be. "Oh, right, dreadfully sorry, terribly."

She cries in distress. His face was close to hers now.

"Well, actually, I'm not."

A gas mask was put over her head, and once again it was black. As it had been in and out, but this time there was no waking up if she wasn't saved. It is said that a life flashes before one's eyes. Only the last few years played before Maura. They were the only years with meaning.


	30. Your move

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

She ate but nothing tasted right on her tongue. Nothing was palatable. That myth of things losing color, seeming less bright, less wondrous, it was true. It was all true. The detective couldn't have known. She would have never realized he had already moved. She could not. Jane was still trying to digest it all. She went around the neighborhood asking if others had seen her. Dead ends were the only thing that seemed to turn up in this case which was the last thing she needed. Finally someone got the cab number of one they had seen in the area, it was Metro, the company that owned it all.

Jane rushed back to the police, her comrades, it seems as if they knew her stress level without even asking. No call, no development, this could be good, but may also be a disaster waiting to happen.

None of them would ever know the hurt Jane was feeling at this moment. The thin ice she was skating on, the thin blue line which could have easily been disregarded.

She had almost forgotten the note in Dominic's file which told them he had splashed acid before, it was somewhere in the back of her mind.

She didn't need the note in a file to know what or imagine what he could do to Maura.

"Call The Metro Cab Company. Ask about the Cabs in our neighborhood, and about the employees."

"Metro?" Frankie questioned.

"It's a lead. I have a hunch it will be our key."

She hoped it would be. Jane was tired. She wanted to go home, and she couldn't without the person who made it that.

"Jane I got it! I have a cab by a John Stark."

"Look him up." She was trying to remain cal and didn't want to get overly excited, she needed to keep her cool and simmer down.

"Run him."

"I did and he is clean just like he said he would be. Not a thing on record. We have an apartment though."

"Let's hit it."

They go, a knock on the door and no reply. Jane nods to Korsak and he busts down the wall. They scan around and search everywhere. It was empty and abandoned. They see his room, another door, locked.

This time Frankie takes the hit. It had been chained from the inside.

What they see makes all their stomachs drop. Pictures covered the walls, all of women. What had they walked into? What have they gotten  
themselves into?

"God, what is all this?"

"It's his lair Jane." Korsak said.

"This is, it is so sick." Frankie chimed in.

"Come on let's take some of this in for evidence, this guy will get convicted there is no way he won't be behind bars and that's if I don't get  
him myself first."

Nothing new, no developments, once again. No one went home that night and this made Jane realize how much support there would be for her. Separation took its toll as dusk turned into dawn.

She saw how glazed over Maura's eyes were.

"The truth is in the eyes." Jane contemplated to herself.

_"Poor Doctor Isles, no one ever seems to listen to her."_

_The eyes are a gateway._

This man's own words would be his undoing.

She remembered how Maura explained to her that using a series of algorithms someone could use corneal imaging by using the cornea, part of the eye, as a mirrored bowl. The Research from Columbia University was the trick. No more running around.

She paused the video. There it was the major brake in the case.

The resolution was even worse, especially because her eyes were far away but it was there.

Two old tin cans, not just any tin cans, ones that were found in a shelter, an atomic bomb shelter.

Army, this was it, this was really it. She was going to find her. She was going to get here.

How long was left on the countdown? T-minus 3 hours was all that was left.

"Get B.T. now, we need him, get him in here now." She called out.

"Jane what is it?" Frankie cried.

"I got it! Just get him, there is no time. Make him come, every minute is just another wasted. This is an emergency."

"Are you sure?" Korsak questioned not fully convinced, she knew their history. He was worried.

"Please, trust me on this."

BT came in a flash. No time went.

"What is it Rizzoli?"

He didn't call her Jane anymore. No hard feelings, but it just did not seem to fit anymore.

"You care for Maura right?"

"I haven't stopped thinking about her. I told you before, news travels fast."

"I know."

"What is it, tell me, the information, you wouldn't call me if it weren't, well…"

He couldn't even get out the words life or death.

"Look, we found old bomb shelter. We need you to place it, she's there, and she has to be…please…"

"You don't have to beg, it is fine, I got it, just because we are not together anymore doesn't mean I don't care. I'm not heartless you know."

She remembered how Maura had told her that feelings were a part of the human condition. She had almost forgotten how true that was in the midst of all the commotion.

He placed her rather quickly.

"There are only two that can be placed at the time, considering the wall and cans themselves."

He told her where and when. He could not tell her why, no one could.

This would be it though, the universe, she felt, was giving her strength, finally for once not working against her. It was finally not pushing her  
away but together.

She could never find another Maura. The lights would not dim, the light of their lives. It would be like a lighthouse leading them home. The flame would not be blown out, it wouldn't burn her.

It would never be the same but their love was endless, rare. It was worth it all.

She went out with Frankie and Korsak taking one building and Jane taking one building.

Just before she leaves BT grabs her by the wrist.

"Don't fail her. It is your move. He's not in control." He put his hand on her shoulder, and now he whispered. "She chose you for a reason. She loves you. I know that much."

He starts to walk away with his head down. Tears were close to the brim but he was strong and would never let anybody take him to that  
place anymore.

Jane was breathless. She figured that Maura had concocted some elaborate truth to get away from BT, To think she actually told him took her breath away. Maura's love drew through aching bones, aching everything, on both their parts. She grabs BT from behind and hugs him in a friendly embrace.

She just needed to thank him. This was a strong man. Jane would be eternally in debt to his intuition and knowledge. She let a few tears escape upon his shirt, not a soul would know, but he felt it, he knew.

"I won't let either of you down."

He smiles though it all after that small moment. They had one thing in common and that was Maura Isles, even if her heart would forever be to the one who bothered to learn it first, one detective, who took pride in learning of life's vast unknown.

Street smart versus book smart, day versus night, light versus dark, yin versus yang the natural things that kept the world in balance. Now one of the factors was one Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles.

If one were to end so would the other and that was impossible, at this point, after all the agony, it was not an option. It would not be considered.


	31. High charged and high strung

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not boastful.

She rushed, she was not about to be sympathetic, and she was going to throw her weight around.

That in this moment was love.

The drive took up two and a half hours. No one knew the next thirty minutes would be eternity.

She rushed in and didn't find him then she went down to the basement.

The door was cracked open and she peaked in it was old.

There he was. He was turned away.

She charges in, like a bull. Nothing could stop her.

He turns back but he was too late. He had a gun and aimed it at her. They wrestle over it for a moment but Jane had the element of surprise.

Jane held more anger. She was putting all the energy she had left into it. Strength and training came to her.

There had been no time for back up. No time to waste.

They had put a BOLO out on the car and at this point it was useless, they had him. If anything happened they would find them.

She gets him on his stomach like the serpent he was. Then she puts the handcuffs on him and faces him back on his back.

"WHERE IS SHE? HUH? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?"

He laughs.

People like him, they never broke.

"I really like seeing you passionate." Eerily calm but he was in front of her now.

He licks his lips.

Where was she? Where could her baby be?

"GOD, DO NOT TEST ME RIGHT NOW! TALK TO ME! TELL ME OR I SWEAR."

This was just not another person. This was her Maura.

"You are too late. Poor Jane. Wrong place at the wrong time."

She slaps him and did it feel good. Now she would play, that's what the creep wanted.

"Did you touch her? Did you hurt her?"

She hits him again.

Her gun was quickly drawn from her holster on the side the one that never seemed to leave her anymore. It was a lifeline.

She pushed it hard against his head as he had done to Maura.

"You like playing with guns right? Knives? Acid?"

"Oh the body is handy too."

That was it. Jane kicked him as she pulled him onto a table. It had obviously been set up for torture and here she was. She tied him down with pre set  
restraints.

She sees the acid on the doctor table. Nothing was disturbed. Jane picked it up and held it over her head. She was usually so in control. This was not that.

This was the edge, desperation.

"WHERE IS SHE?"

This man was no Hoyt. He broke, just as Hoyt had when she made the knife go into his heart.

"I told you she is not here. Look at the time. It is too late. You are too late."

"What did you do?" Her voice cracked. "What have you done?" Jane looked at herself right in that moment. How? How had it all come to this?

He was right. Here he was and Maura was nowhere to be found even if she was at the other it would be too late to save here it was at least twenty minutes  
away and she was here.

She wouldn't be there.

Korsak would find it empty.

"I like it when you beg for mercy. Don't worry you made it slow, so will I."

Frankie meanwhile had been with Korsak. The Rizzoli brother heard sobs and rushed toward them.

There she was. Maura, she was alive, barley, but completely alive.

An old rope was slowly being lowered. Each second a sand bag which had been starting to empty got lighter allowing Maura to go lower and lower.  
It was falling and she was right there.

Frankie rushed. He didn't have time to think she was right there. He jumped over the holder and pulled Maura his force being enough to break the rope.  
He landed on his back Maura in his arms.

She needed to go to the hospital. So many drugs were still in her system, so much blood lost, there were early signs of dehydration and starvation.

"CALL JANE NOW. TELL HER SHE IS ALRIGHT BUT TELL HER HE GOT AWAY." Frankie shouts to Korsak. He was still upstairs searching.

Korsak did as told.

This was just as Jane was about to shoot. She got the call.

"I don't believe you. I got him. I don't believe you."

"Jane, trust me." Korsak stated. "If you do anything to hurt him then you lose everything. You'll lose your badge. We'll be there soon. Don't do anything please. Jane you'll lose your badge! I'll have to bring you in."

"She- she was unconscious. I at least did that. She would dip. It was a vat. It was- unique."

Then she was out to kill again. At the explanation, it wasn't enough. She lowered her gun.

"At least?" It came out hushed. "AT LEAST?"

"Yes! Yes!"

"YOU ARE NOT THAT GOOD. YOU ARE NOT HOYT. I AM DONE WITH YOU."

"Please- Please!"

She didn't know he had not actually feel remorse or even fear. This was just more of a ploy to make her question herself and what had happened.

"Guns are too good for you. Acid is too good for you. Hoyt was right wasn't he? It is better when it is slow?"

The man remembered the man saying that and the words echoed through his head.

He wanted Jane to do it. He wanted her to suffer in jail.

Do it. Do it.

The demons were screaming now. They called for one thing. Jane was about to, it didn't matter how now there was one in each hand. Either way, maybe  
both, none of it would be satisfying, nothing would suffice.

That's when she heard an angel, the goodness in the world, everything pure in the world.

"J-Jane." The voice was weak, tortured, but Jane knew that voice, her ears were trained to that voice.

She turned around and dropped both tools. Tools she was about to use for murder.

The drive went quickly as there was nothing stopping them in the patrol car. Maura had woken up during the ride, the gas starting to wear off.

"I-It's okay. I-it's fine" Maura stated. "I-I'm fine."

Jane went weak at the knees. She knew it wasn't but now there was a chance it would be.

Maura fell into her. She took Maura in her arms. It was fine. It was okay.

"Shhh- shhh-"Jane hushed her and held her and let her body rest on hers, being her support.

She was in pain that much was obvious. He had hurt her, that much at least happened. She hoped she would not be scarred in any way as Jane was.

She looked to Frankie and Korsak.

She then came to center with one focal point.

"We have to go. You need help. Why would you bring her here?"

She questioned her brother.

"Korsak said you wouldn't stop."

She took Maura in her arms now. She was so small, so frail.

"I'm taking the patrol car. I have to get her to the hospital, fast. "

"Jane, we will deal with it, we will deal with him. Go, go now, she needs you to take her. It's fine, just rush."

She walked over to him once more, with Maura in her arms.

She spat on him. He was now the one with the foggy mind not sure of what was going on.

"See? You were not even worth it."

He was defeated. They had won, as they always had. It was over. She had her Maura back. She was going to help and get her help.

It was difficult to say if either believed in happy endings, there was still more to come. At this moment though, nothing would be better.

**Whatttt two chapters in one day on a week day?! Yes my lucky ducks. Today was an easy day and I could actually write! I hope I did not drag out the kidnapping to much, but I felt it was needed. I've always thought that when it came to the girls they were always saved way to quickly when they are in danger, and that includes both of them. I really do understand it as it is a TV show, but this was just me exploring! I hope you enjoyed! More to come soon!**


	32. Animal print

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

She held her hand. It was tighter than it had ever been. Maura had been sown up where the bullet had been out through her after it was taken out. It was a deep wound that would always be a simple reminder. Maura went through the surgery quickly and now they were back in the hospital room.

It all smelled familiar to Maura, a mix of Jane's lavender smell and sterilization permeated the room. It was like any other. It was home because

Jane was there, they were with each other.

An IV was in her vein on her arm as was protocol.

"Hi." She said to Jane, she was starting to get stronger.

"Hi sweetie." Jane smiled to her, with saddened and tired eyes. They showed what she had really been through and came closer getting off of her seat close by to sit on the edge of the bed. Maura moved down.

She did not understand how Jane stayed so strong. How she could be so wonderful.

They still felt very distant. All that had happened was just setting in.

"You should go home…" Maura tried to ease the tension but Jane flinched.

It was meant to be a caring comment on Maura's part but obviously it didn't come across.

"Why?"

"You must have…" What? Driven yourself crazy? Almost lost it? Scared yourself?

"Yeah, I have, but you are here and that's what makes it okay."

Jane was not sure how she didn't do all of those things that were left unsaid forever. They didn't need to be said. If anything kept her grounded it was this moment right now, being with Maura once again as it should be. Yet, it all felt just uncomfortable. Jane felt like a bull in a China shop.

She starts to lie down next to Maura on the tiny single bed, it was much smaller than what was used to. It was too much to handle at the  
moment, this movement had been so many times before but it didn't feel right.

Now it was Maura who flinched. She had momentarily forgotten she no longer had to conceal what she felt.

Jane immediately stood back up.

"Maur, what is it?"

"Jane, it, it…."

"Is it me?"

"Oh no darling, it's never you."

"Oh so the, whole not you It's me…. Is that the way this is going to happen?" Jane wasn't angry. She was just tired. She wanted to be with

Maura, to hold her, but she didn't know how to make this right.

"What do you mean Jane?"

"You are going to break it off? Break up with me? Break my heart…"

This left Maura stunned. She did not want to think after everything she had been through, especially when she couldn't even remember.

"Oh Jane, why would you think that?"

"Maura I couldn't be your hero. I couldn't even save you BT had to help me! I wasn't strong enough, smart enough. I wasn't that suave person on the motorbike, and that scared the crap out of me. Maur- I wasn't good enough, I am not good enough We were together for one day and… you, you just deserve so much more, so much better, you deserve everything you have ever wanted, I… I cannot give that to you… I never could…"

If only Jane knew that wasn't why Maura was feeling distant that would have been alright.

Now it was Maura who grabbed her hand. She looked into her eyes.

"You can give me the world, everything and more, all my needs, Jane… all that is you. Honey, believe me when I say I am here, I am not going anywhere. All of this, it is just a lot to process. I am sure you can understand. I promised Jane, I always stick by my word, a little trait I learned from you."

Jane remembered asking Maura if she had a right to emotion. If she had a right to feel, Maura had said she did. The doctor, who never felt anything, came crumbling, resolve smashed. It had slowly been that way since they met. Jane would let her process.

"I'm sorry Maura. For everything that has ever hurt you, has ever damaged you. I'm sorry you think I am enough, but I want to show you every day that I am."

Maura now brought her back down to the bed. Her hospital gown was slightly unbuttoned at the sleeves showing her shoulder. Jane laughed.

"What? What is it now?"

"The Maura Isles, the only I woman I know that can pull off animal print, can sure pull off a hospital gown too. You really are an exquisite creature. I just kick myself for never seeing it before, all these years we could have been more."

"Don't wonder things like that." Maura smiled. "We have here, we have now, and we almost lost it. Amnesia of the last few days or not, I am  
just happy we have that much now."

She bopped Maura's nose, a move of endearment.

It was a cute and lovely scene.

Then Korsak came in. He witnessed the scene but again would not question.

Jane quickly got up.

Pop. There it was. The bubble burst.

"Jane- I have to speak with you."Korsak smiled as he turned to face the blond. "Dr. Isles. You look so wonderful, it's nice seeing your face and eyes once more."

"Even with the reasoning behind it was unpleasant?" Maura tried to Joke and Jane found her that much more endearing.

"Even more so because of it." He turns back to the detective. "Jane- outside?"

He looks at her worry in his eyes.

"Aright just a sec."

He walks out.

"I'll be right outside okay? Call if you need anything, anything at all! Be back in a flash." Kissing her forehead she followed her second father's lead.

She remembered when he had almost been killed. This job gave her everything, but almost took it away in an instant, at a moment's notice.

"Yeah, Vince?"

"Jane we cannot press official charges, until, well, until we know the extent of the damages."

"Don't talk about her like she is some property, please, not now."

"I'm sorry Jane, you know the legal side of things, and you need to ask her."

"Yeah, yea, alright. Don't worry. If there is anything to be known she will tell me, I'll make sure it all goes down on the official record."

Jane knew what all this meant.

She went back in with Maura while the man went down to the hospital cafeteria to grab a bite to eat.

They had gotten the creep, so this was official business now.

"What was that about?" Maura asked.

Jane lied down on top of Maura this time. It was a comfortable position for once, the first they had actually shared since it all.

"He wanted to know- exactly what happened."

"Why?"

"They cannot press proper charges until they know specifically what occurred."

Maura knew. She knew the system just as much as any of them. She just wanted to prolong the disappointment that would come.

"I hardly remember anything, nothing at all. It is all a blur."

This was bitter sweet as what it implied, but Jane hoped that it would not haunt Maura's mind.

"Maura that means…"

"We have to do a rape kit, yes I know."

It was another reason she had pulled away earlier. She supposed without thinking, it was a response to Jane's touch, in a, different manner.

"Jane I want to go home."

"Soon, the surgeon said soon. You are still a bit dehydrated and still healing. You need to gain your strength back."

Maura played with Jane's hair. It calmed her. It calmed both of them.

She didn't want to know, not truly. She was back to those moments that still seemed fuzzy. She didn't want them to fully reform. They were too small to do anything really.

Two words echoed throughout their minds, what next?


	33. It came to this

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

They waited and waited. The results took forever to come in. Maura had been discharged and now they waited.

There was a call.

"Rizzoli- yeah." She looks at Maura as unspoken questions filled the room. Jane raised her hand. "-oh-oh my god."

Maura had hoped she would say nothing happened but…

All hopes were dashed the moment Jane looked upon her with misery in her eyes.

"Yeah, alright, longer time behind bars, the only good thing I suppose. Thanks."

Maura knew at that moment. Her feet were glued to the floor. She felt as if gravity was pulling harder on her body. This was a new turn she did not want to consider, shattering existence once again. Like a windshield in the middle of a hail storm. A car crash right as the driver loses control. It was known that it was coming but nothing could stop it. It was a runaway train. It was an eruption. Pandora's Box had been opened. No more denying.

"Positive?"

"Positive. Maura- I-"

She shook her head. She wanted to be alone. Walking off slowly her body seemed to move a million miles a minute and be absolutely still at the same time. No more tears could be sent on the subject.

She went to take a bath, she needed to be in her house. It seemed like such a little while ago that she decided that it would be best to come home, and she had just gotten everything she wanted. She got her Jane, and it didn't even feel right any longer. It felt as if he took something from her. Not her innocence, she was old enough to know what a sexual experience was, but he took a piece of something and it would never come back.

She went lower and lower into the water. Her mouth was now half submerged.

The way that Jane looked upon her, it was too much. One could make a tragic painting, drawing, anything, because in that moment they could have easily seen and therefore depict true sorrow.

They had been waiting so long for this time to come and arrive, where they could both be free. Now it seemed more chains bogged them down, further apart than ever, and that was a major statement.

They both just wanted to be okay, to be better for one another. They wanted to be unbroken.

She remembered being a child, playing with bubbles. She was not that adolescent fool anymore but she felt alone once again, isolated. It was silly she knew, but, she felt disgusted. She was disgusted with herself. How could she be with Jane now? She was no longer the same person. She was dirty. She was unclean. She was soiled. God if Jane didn't already know she would have never told her.

She had spoken of her incident with Ian because that is all it was, if he had actually achieved his want she wouldn't have. She knew how dark Jane could be especially in the name of what was hers.

Other thoughts soon followed. Things she did not want to consider.

There was Jane's face again. That much she remembered, how out of everything it was Jane who had kept her alive in the middle of it all, even if she was not there, is was the thoughts she had when she could fathom them, when she could make them out.

Now she felt she didn't deserve Jane, not the other way around.

Jane deserved someone as brawny as her, as strapping.

Maura hated being the weak one, the one that could easily be destroyed.

She put up a freezing exterior because of it, it was her defense mechanism and Jane knew her tells.

It was not certain if she was grateful they waited or not. Had Jane actually made that choice? Was she manipulated? Was it mutual?

Thoughts swirled around like a chocolate and vanilla ice cream mix freshly being dispensed at some Chinese buffet.

She would never wish Jane to leave, but they would both have to live with this simple fact that would change them forever.

Maura slipped out of the water it all seemed hesitant and tentative.

She put on her floral robe it was lightly tightened. Pure silk, it felt smooth against her.

Jane was laying there half asleep.

Maura rested back on her bed. One hundred count Egyptian cotton, the softest pillow, the best money could buy. She however knew that it would be impossible to sleep without the woman next to her.

Coming back from the half state she was in Jane wrapped her arm around Maura's at it snaked around her waist.

Jane kissed slowly kissed her neck. She didn't want to push Maura after everything she had been through. It was all so touchy.

"Don't, please don't." Maura said shakily.

Jane quickly retracted. Hurt hit her heart. Maura didn't need words to hurt, her words were enough.

Maura didn't have to look to know Jane's pain.

"Jane, I told you. It really isn't you. Things are different now, now that we know for certain. Jane I'm no longer enough you know that. I cannot be whole enough for you. I said I wasn't broken before and it was true, but now I am not. He took that from me."

Jane quickly stood up. She was leaving, finally leaving. Maura relaxed. It was for the best.

Much to the other's surprise she just walked around the bed. She wanted Maura to see her, to look into her eyes. She needed to make Maura see.

"How can you say that? You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are everything, and if I am enough for you? Then how can you not exceed limitations, expectation? How could you dare say you are not enough?"

It was raw, fresh. It was hard.

"Jane you don't understand. You could not. Your heart is too big. Your soul, your being, it is overshadowed by it."

"It's not my heart it is my love, my love for you, and only you. If you don't want me, but don't think you are not enough because if you leave for that reason-It- It will end me. Maura you are my best friend and so much more than that but firstly my best friend. You mean everything to me."

She took her up as both by now were uncertain of what to do. Jane placed her on top of her as she went back down to their bed. It was where their universe was held.

"Jane you don't understand." Maura shook her head once more.

It seems like all her logic was lost as it happened. She kept looking down ashamed.

"I do."

"No you don't baby. You don't understand."

"Maura look at who you are talking to, I know what all of it is more than anyone. It's me Maura. It is my life, a reason that no man ever worked out. No love ever worked out, yet when it came to choosing the job and you, it is an obvious choice to make."

Maura was touched which made her next words all that much harder, more filled with bitterness.

"Jane have you ever considered that I may be pregnant now? ...DID THAT THOUGHT EVER CROSS YOUR MIND? WAS THAT A SCENARIO THAT CROSSED YOU, EVEN CAME TO YOU?"

Maura was angry, angry at the world. Angry at the world, the refined Maura Isles was infuriated. She was mad at her situation. She just wanted to go back to that first date. To the innocence that was so short lived.

"You didn't want to tell anyone, anyone about us… I respected that, now I just feel as if, you never wanted me to begin with. And now why would you? I'm used. I'm no good anymore. Don't say you understand Jane. That fact is impossible when I don't even know."

Maura was calm now, jarringly in control.


	34. You want the moon?

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Jane was silent for a long time. That thought had not been considered. At that moment she didn't need to mull it over, she knew her choice.  
Maura took it the wrong way. She started to exit the room when Jane's voice and it beckoned her back.

"You are right I can never know. I suppose neither of us can understand what has happened to each other, not completely and not fully. Not when you are right, and not when you don't know either. If that is the case though, if it is something we must live with, then we will face it together like we have everything else. I'm willing to do that for you, for us, for our future."

"I could not ask that of you baby doll. You know that. It was unexpected and you have your out now. Don't be self sacrificing now. Don't give  
yourself up. You were about to have a future, I cannot do that anymore."

Jane pulled Maura back down to sit next to her. They were in this constant battle of tug of war.

"I didn't ask for an out and you don't need to ask."

"Everyone leaves…"

"I'm not everyone." Maura knew Jane was right, she had never left her.

"What do you want Maura? What do you need? I'll do anything you want. You know it is simple but the truth. You were there for me when I was uncertain. You want me to be cheesy and quote movies? Want the moon? I'll get that for you! I want you, all of you, now, and forever."

Maura nearly choked at that moment.

"J, please, you can't. Let it go, let me go. Let yourself be free. Please."

"I can and I will. Maura I love you, when I was the one uncertain you carried me, please let me be there for you. Let me be that person. You want me to tell my ma? I will. Korsak? I will. Yell it at the top of my lungs from the top of the station? Consider it done! That would be the easy part heart."

"I'm not good enough anymore!"

"You are more than enough! Please, don't push me away. You are the only one I have ever wanted to let in. Do not make me let go. I missed you, so so much"

Jane kissed her. It had been ages and if felt like pure rapture for both of them. Wants came back, needs came back. Desire came back. It would take everything to stop them now.

Or rather a brain, thought. Response came back to Maura.

She realized what she was doing and knew it couldn't happen.

"Stop, please!"

"Don't push me away. Please. I cannot take it anymore." It was inconsolable the way that Jane's voice spoke.

Now Maura kissed her.

"Don't speak that way. You know I want you. You know I want to, but, if I am, well…"

"It'd be best to wait." Jane finished for her. It had always been a common occurrence between the two.

Maura simply nodded.

This would be a long nine months if it did occur. They had not even explored that aspect of their relationship fully.

Maybe one would convince the other but that was another thought for another day.

"I don't even have trauma either, not mentally, but I am also scared that if we, do that, go that far, then it will come back. Will you still love me if when turn into a bloated and emotionally moody mess?" Maura laughed lightly.

"Even more so, it would be easier. So, you want to keep it?"

Suddenly Jane realized how it sounded and her eyes grew wide.

"The baby! I mean, keep the baby! See? I am already no good at this. Man. It is more difficult than it sounds."

It always was sort of awkward discussing these things. TJ had been an exception but that was because she had not been Jane's, she could cuddle him and love on him without the responsibility, but now. She was already taking responsibility, and it hadn't even been a few minutes.

What would it all entail?

They talked as if he or she were already brought to the world.

"What do you think Jane? What do you want to happen?"

"I want what you want Maura. I wish what you wish. I feel what you feel. That is what it boils down to."

Maura smiled knowing the statement's truth.

Jane had asked herself if that was normal at times, she even had past friends whom she lost because of it. She had others question her too asking her intent, when all she wanted to do was serve and protect.

That was her dream as a child. It didn't feel weird telling Maura all this, everything that her heart ached to say, to yell.

Maura remembered when she and Jane first got to know each other. While Jane found herself intrigued Maura loved the simplicity which was the detective. She wore her heart on her sleeve. It was an old expression but one that summed her up perfectly.

It was almost too simple Maura thought at first but as the investigator started to show her true self and colors it became easier to understand.

Her family, her history, everything about her just oozed her own unique personality. She had never encountered anything quite like it.

The detective was grateful for life and now that Maura was there this accelerated one hundred fold as she now had so many more reasons not to take everything for granted.

"God you are such a cheese-ball." Maura finally laughed. It was the first laugh since they had been together.

"Shhh! It's a secret. Common you can't tell the guys! It would ruin my street cred!" They laughed together now. "You don't know the half of it."

Jane smiled.

"And the implication of that statement is?..."

There she was, Jane thought to herself. It was her one, slowly but surely, Jane considered to herself.

Maura would come back. It may take time but it would be okay. They were ready to face it all. Head on.

"Oh you just have to wait now don't you? Cannot ruin all the surprises, maybe one day I'll say. I want to keep this to myself for a while."

"As you wish."

"So what are the options?"

"Well options to anyone who may find themselves in this predicament. Abortion, adoption, keeping and maintaining legal guardianship are considered most common."

"What do you want?"

"Well I cannot see an abortion. I may be a doctor, but. I am also not certain of keeping it, if adoption was considered then I would want it open  
I suppose. I am just scared that I may be reminded, if a baby comes."

"No she will be just like you, beautiful, smart, and perfect in any way."

"She?" Maura smiled.

They were both nervous.

If this actually happened…

Maura was scared that she would not be caring as her mother was. Jane thought of her overbearing mother and how she herself did not want to be that way. She also refused to make the child love her and disappoint them as her own father had so little ago.

"You know the whole nature versus nurture. I'd love to see a boy, or a tomboy girl like you, an unwavering spirit in either just like you."

"Maura am I ready? Are you ready?"

"Either way I suppose we will find out wont we? It'll all come to light if needed."

It was dark, as if they were stepping into the abyss.

This saturation was hard but they would face it as they had everything else, together.


	35. Are you positive?

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

The next few weeks were slow but came and went. That's when the pregnancy test came back a few days before Maura's period, the doctor took it upon herself.

She came out of the room, shaking.

"Jane…"

"What is it honey?" Jane was watching TV

Maura stepped closer and sat on the sofa.

Jane looked toward her and quickly turned off the set at the sight of the distraught woman.

"What is it?" This time the question was more serious.

Maura had not even noticed that the screen had gone black until she heard the other's voice.

She looked at her with a solemn smile.

She brought out the pregnancy test so it could be seen and showed.

"Oh Maur."

"I know."

"What can I do for you?"

"There really is not anything possible. You are here, that is enough."

"Can we feel happy about this? Everything happens for a reason right? That's what they say."

"I didn't ask to have a child."

"But now you are having one that is just the way life goes sometimes you know? Maura- it will be okay."

"No it won't. You do not know that. Jane a number of things can happen. I could have a miscarriage.  
A number of complications can occur during birth. We don't know what will happen."

"Can we please be happy about this? I know it is hard, but it is a child Maura."

Jane grabs her stomach.

"A child that will be living and breathing."

"Who was from someone mad, like me? A killer, sociopath, psycho path. How will I explain that to a child? How can I tell them who their father was? What if the baby comes out wrong? How can I bring that child up in the world?"

"So no adoption then?"

"Jane now is really not the time."

"I'm sorry, I know I know. I just, I am invested too. You know that. We are together that makes this something that has to do with me. I am willing to own up. Can't you see, don't you understand that?"

It comforted Maura to know this. She smiled.

"I do, I love you for it."

"I have millions of better reasons."

Maura went on to her tippy toes and kissed Jane. It was once again a common occurrence. Things were starting to be moved on from. They were starting to make a life.

"You know, people will question, if they see us as co-parents."

"Let them." Jane hummed.

There had been whispers since they were first friends that much was obvious but both were oblivious to how easily seen it was.

Eventually they would come out and it was suspected it would be sooner than later. Eventually someone would out them if it were not themselves who said it, as a big shot would eventually state the rumors were true, maybe someone who had no respect for either of them, an individual who felt threatened.

"So BT knows? Hmm?"

Maura blushed.

"He's a very nice man you know. A good friend."

"I know. It's okay. I get it, why you had to tell him. It is actually sort of flattering. Maura I'm just happy you chose me. Ecstatic really, overjoyed, that is what you do to me."

"I wanted you Jane. I want you."

"That's too bad. I'm sorry you are stuck with me!"

Maura smiled. Every thought melted away.

"Jane, tell me you want me. Tell me you want this, as badly as I do. I just want a reminder."

"Maura I want you so badly. There is no lie in that. I love you."

Jane now craned her neck down to the woman's height.

"Why don't you scream it for the entire precinct to hear?"

"If that's what you want then I'll do it. There is no shame in this, no shame in us."

Maura didn't want that. She would not force Jane into anything. She was just happy to still have her with her.

"No, you don't have to. Do it on your terms. How you want it to occur."

"I LOVE YOU MAURA ISLES." She yelled in the confines of the house.

Maura shushed her anxiously. Then the music of Jane's laughter echoed and Maura could not help but join in.

"Is that so?" She whispered so Jane had to quiet herself. "I LOVE YOU JANE RIZZOLI."

It is now a joint laughter.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you go with me to my first appointment tomorrow?"

"Need you ask? Of course I will be there don't worry, please don't worry."

"I never have to anymore." Maura smirked.

"Not only will I go with you, we can go shopping for baby clothes and bottles. Get a stroller. We can buy baby jars and formula, little crazy elephant toys. There are so many things we could do, baby cribs and painting, a baby shower."

Enthusiasm, it was the only way that they seemed to face this fact now, without it making them wallow inward like a flower without sun and water, without life.

"Thank you, for doing this with me."

"M-"

"No J, it is my turn. Not everyone would let this happen to take in a child, the responsibility. I'll be forever grateful for you."

"We can learn all of this together, how to make it all work. You don't need to memorize every little thing. Rely on me. I have you, I got your back. You can trust me. You don't need to fear I promise that and this time I swear it will be true."

"Why do you care so much?"

There was that question again, that question which should have been simple but brought so many others with it.

"I don't want you to wake up one day and blame me. I blame myself and I always will. If I had…" She didn't know how to end the sentence. No verb would do, it would be forever an ellipsis on her mind. "You should have been safe. None of it should have happened in the first place. The least I can do is attempt to make it right."

"Jane this is not like Casey. You didn't mean for anything to happen. You were dying to be with me I know that. You tried, I know not a moment was wasted. That's all that matters my love."

"Then why does it feel like it is not enough? Why do I feel like such a failure?"

There was a tilt gained to the doctor's head now as the questioned was deeply considered.  
"The same reason I felt I wasn't good enough for you. That you would leave me because, I, I wasn't enough. It is what we do. When one of us is off kilter than the other is steady. One is sweet and one is hard the other is easy. It is us and what we do, you see? We are the definition of good cop bad cop." Maura chuckled.

"Mara- I don't want to burst your bubble or anything but… you are not a cop."

"You are not the only bad ass here Jane. And you did burst my bubble, too late."

"Ooo feisty. I like them feisty."

They were truly stuck. Stuck like glue not to some art project or anything of the sorts but each other. No more denying. Whatever came head on was the only way to face it. There was no more reason for them to get together anymore it just happened. No one questioned why Jane moved in so long ago as Maura suspected they would it was just a normalcy, a friend mending a broken heart which was never really shattered by a man to start with. Society would judge there was no doubt but something so "wrong" had ever felt so right. The test was positive. That was the end of that discussion.


	36. False truth

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

The door opened on the facility. The office was small but adequate. It wasn't grand but it would do.

Jane had to admit she felt out of place even with Maura by her side.

She saw women and men together, holding stomachs and whispering sweet nothings.

She knew that Maura would most likely take over the appointment, not that she was tyrannical in fact the doctor was the antonym of that but it just had to do with the fact that she was well read. Maura as a person was well bread.

She was a doctor that much should make it all clear. They were in the waiting area. Everything once again came back, circling to a past crime.

The case of the crazed nurse as Jane liked to put it.

There were still so many questions. She could still see Maura was anxious about the decisions. She did not want to pressure her into anything.

"Maura are you sure you want this?"

"Jane this is not a tragic love is it? Where we are forced to be together, where the baby is the only thing keeping us together? Where society states, those like us, those like me, victims, are forced…"

"Maura this is up to you. "

"Maura Isles?" The nurse calls out.

"Come on Jane."

It was the nurse for the OB/GYN. They did the normal procedures for a checkup. Maua had her weight and height taken. The man asked of her medication, or if she had been hospitalized or sick recently. Sometimes the questions could be quite frustrating. The questioned blood pressure and nutrition while

They went back out after the average "Alright thank you so much, you may wait outside the doctor will be with you shortly."

They see the women around them and consider what was going to happen.

It may not be understood by all. Why they choose to keep the child but this was being taken a step at a time. It was not being rushed into, at least it was hoped it was not.

"Maura isles."

"Doctor Maura Isles." Jane corrected. "Hi, Jane Rizzoli." She shook the woman's hand.

"Are you coming to the back with us miss?"

"If it is possible."

The doctor nodded.

"Jane, you are hovering." Maura whispered.

The situation was being set up as the doctor was reading the medical history.

Once again they were hand in hand, it was something they didn't bother to even change anymore.

"Alright Maura so how are we feeling?"

Oh the royal "we". Jane made the joke to herself and couldn't help but lightly expression of amusement.

"Jane, please…" Maura warned softly.

"Anything funny? Entertaining?" Asked the red head doctor.

"Oh, no." It was all Jane needed to be serious once more. "Not at all, please continue the examination."

The gel was placed over Maura's stomach. It was cold and gave little goosebumps.

It was slowly spread through the ultrasound system.

"Hmmm that's interesting…"

"What?" Jane questioned.

"Well there seems to… umm… be no fetus. The womb, well it is empty."

"That's impossible." Jane stated.

"The pregnancy test, it came back positive." Maura continued on the other's thought.

"Well I'm sorry to inform, you but apparently it was a false positive."

Maura gasped and sighed at the same time. She said sorry because she did not know of what had occurred.

"I'm sure you understand being a physician yourself, even the best tests may be wrong at times. False positives are a common occurrence."

She gently cleaned the stomach. It was done with care which made Maura hollow.

This was true, but the worst thing that could have been said. How were they supposed to take this information? Everything had been so erratic from emotions to actions.

Should there be relief? Turmoil?

The man behind bars was somehow still messing with emotions.

A miscarriage would never even have an opportunity, there, was no child.

There was no life. There was nothing, it was all desolate. There was nothing left to do, nothing to be grown.

"I'll leave you alone. Please. If there are any concerns do not hesitate to call. Stay as long as you would like."

She pats Maura, using a soft touch once more but now on the knee. She walked out slowly and made sure the door closed inaudibly, but to

Jane and Maura it was more than amplified.

"What now Jane?"

Jane didn't know how to act. These were uncharted waters. How should one react? Hey I'm sorry. Were you getting attached?  
Congratulations, maybe now there won't be a constant haunting of something horrible from past for both of us?

They were uncertain about the whole thing from the beginning since the question passed the doctor's lips so passionately before.

Honestly it was true trauma had been pushed out of thought, on both sides. This was just a distracter for both, what now? Physically?  
Emotionally?

So many things were tossed into the vast indefinite reality.

It made the only response to be conjured up to be "I don't know." Jane looked to Maura with apprehension.

"Are you happy about this?" Jane questioned.

"Well, I don't know how to feel. I suppose deep down yes. I didn't want the child to be sick in the head, wrong, hurt us, anything. I didn't want to remember, I told you that."

"I understand."

Not a breath was released. Nothing more said.

They drove back home while holding in everything.

This would have to be dealt with. None of it could be ignored anymore. They acted as if nothing had happened after they learned… but now? It seemed like it was all coming down on them.

They had not told anyone about anything still. It now felt wrong. There was no one to turn to. Isolation for Maura was more prominent than ever. Not even Jane made her feel as if she was there. Jane felt less adequate than ever, nothing good had come out of anything.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we cannot ignore any of this anymore." Jane solemnly responded.

"I agree with that assessment."

"Maura did I push you into this? I asked you before but…"

"Jane…"

"If I did then, it is okay that the baby, well, you know…"

Words could not express these emotions flying between them in the small confined space of the car. Nothing could have prepared them for this. They realized then just how much help was needed. They needed to get people outside of their circle. They needed others to rely upon.

"I think we need to talk…"

"Isn't that what we are doing?"

"No, I mean, to someone else. We need to talk to some professional. Things just feel so broken right now, everything that has happened, and I cannot deal with it…."

"Maura that would mean telling…everything."

"J- I want to do that. You have issues that were always ignored and not dealt with. It would be healthy. I need to cope with all of this, you can understand that can't you? I want to do that with you. You said that you would do what is best for me, what would make me happy, this will help. You need to be a part of this, I…I don't think I can do this alone."

Jane mulled this over. She could not very well deny Maura anything.

"There is no turning back after accepting this Maur. What if it destroys us?"

"Jane I don't think it will do that. It could not hurt, just look at the situation we are in right now!"

That was true. How much worse and screwed up could it get?

"For you M, anything."

**So I hope this chapter was satisfying, I should have posted it last night as I know I lost some readers. I had to make them a little attached for this reason, I hope that is clear now. I had planned for it all to come to this. I feel like a lot of false positives are usually underplayed but I had to build it up for this reason. I knew that it would be hard to have a baby in such circumstances but at the same time show their strength and well… I think this speaks for itself. I by no means intended to make this fic so dark but the characters lead me and I felt like emotionally both girls needed the baby to get them back together but at the same time I knew it wouldn't last because it was just a distraction as was said. Now, comes the emotional consequences. I take certain subjects very seriously and hope you all understand that I am not a writer who makes characters undergo such distress without making them work though it. I really do listen to comments and take everything into consideration and knew there would be some back lash but this had been bouncing around in my head for a while now. I hope this did not disappoint, as this was how it played out within my mind**


	37. Therapy theory

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

Jane had not ever been able to sleep since Maura had been brought home. Now it was Maura who would comfort the other woman. Even after they assumed the baby, well she had always had restless rest.

It was also a sad sight. The doctor would comfort her the best way she knew how.

It was something they needed to face head on. They hoped that the whole situation could be sorted out. They needed to discuss everything, every aspect. The force had long ago implemented a therapy and counseling program.

Things would be taken slowly. That rush they both felt when Maura first came back had since disappeared. Things should not be taken likely, especially on this level, it had a major magnitude brought with it.

To overcome everything would be a process and have to be done little by little and would take time.

"So we start today right?"

"Yes."

"Maura are you ready to tell?"

Sign up was anonymous and kept anonymous but Jane and Maura were already tired of hiding they had discussed just coming out in general.

Both were tired of hiding.

They went through the day normally. This had also been a fact, they continued to work through it all. Both women figured it would be best to have a routine.

They were after all cleared after the kidnapping as is usual for cases where endangerment occurred.

Jane had been through the process before and knew all the hoops to jump through one might say.

Maura passed well because she was oblivious. No word had gone to the station of the pregnancy scare.

It gave them an opportunity to compartmentalize themselves. It also gave them an opportunity of being together, one which neither ever  
wanted to lose no matter how distant they had become in certain ways.

Maura came up to meet Jane after the full day.

"You know- they might trigger something for you- you are ready for that?"

"No but like I said, it will be good. I cannot work through it all until well, it comes back."

"I'll be there for you, when it happens." Jane smiles halfway. "You are there for me at night, so I'll be there for you."

In all honesty Maura knew of mental illness. She suffered from anxiety herself, major anxiety. Some might even say she was to some degree a sociopath, never wanting to communicate with others, a little to self reliant.

"Hello!" it was the counselor speaking to both of them. In the schedule it stated that some days would be group therapy and others would be individual. Today was individual but they insisted they go together. The man had agreed figuring that he would just explain the rules of everything during the first meeting.

"So Maura…" He looked over. "It says here you wanted to discuss recent events that pertain to, your, situation involving a Mr. Stark."

"Yes sir that is correct."

He smiled sympathetically and then looked over to Jane.

"So what may I ask are you doing here Ms. Rizzoli?"

"Well, I figured I should be with Maura for Moral support."

Maura looked at Jane with disappointment.

"Well, okay, I was the one who well had to save Maura, and she feels that… well we feel it has taken a toll on me. I myself was abducted before and, it was never really dealt with."

"I've always felt weird and out of place, well corky as some might call it. I never really have many people to rely upon. I felt this may be a reason to expand myself. It is hard, we both have been put into this situation multiple times. We usually come out on the other side without any, well problems. There is always something that occurs that we are able to get though it quickly without it leaving a mark.

"The thing Maura is trying to say I think is that, this situation left a wound and now we need help, letting it scar."

"I see. And what may I ask makes this situation different?"

"She wasn't saved in time."

The doctor looks between them.

"It says here you do not remember the trauma is that right Maura?"

Maura nods.

"Do you mind if we try a few exercises?"

"Not a problem."

"Jane would you mind stepping out for this? I think I should talk to Maura alone and do these things more one on one. You may be next, I feel like we should also talk one on one."

Jane nods and steps out.

The therapist starts to question Maura.

"So Maura, would you mind telling me about your past?"

"Well I had felt pretty neglected, until recently. Things started to get better, I went to Africa and worked with my biological mother who was very kind. I recently learned about all of this, that in itself was sort of… a process…this whole ordeal was just the straw that broke the camel's back."

They then underwent multiple psychological tests. Word association was common and done. He also as usual made her undergo giving abstract pictures names of objects that she made them out to be.

"Can I ask you about Jane?"

Maura exhaled. He seemed intrigued and wrote down a note.

"This is confidential right?"

"Of course, I am not allowed to dispel any information unless there is reason to believe you will harm someone or yourself."

"We are together and it drives me crazy that we haven't told anyone. We are considering doing it soon but it's all just… complicated. This part I want on the record, the reason that this part was different also, was because we had a pregnancy scare. It was horrible and now I do not know how she feels about it all."

"A secret relationship causes stress on anyone, it is not healthy. Maura, if there is anything I learned in my work it is that you must help yourself before anyone else, you can never aid anyone if you yourself are unstable. When you go on a plane the first thing they state is that if the plane starts to go down that you have to put the mask on yourself first, or you won't be able to help anybody else. I'll be honest, politics are never my strong suit but…"

"I see. I never really thought about it all that way."

"Well that's why I am here." He smiles. "Now will you call Jane in here?"

"Yes!"

Maura already felt a bit better just being able to discuss it all.

Her hand was on the door knob when his voice started again.

"Maura would you like to discuss your relationship when Jane and I are done? The three of us should have a talk about it I believe."

"Would it be best?"

"I believe so."

"Then yes. I think we should discuss it."

She exits.

"How did it go?" Jane looked her up and down. Was it all too much to beaten beyond repair?

"It was quite exhilarating. It was nice, being able to talk. It made me feel less deserted."

"I'm happy that is amazing."

"He wants to speak with you alone next."

She hugs Maura with care before entering.

"Hi detective."

"So what are you going to do? Do some brain scans?" She laughs.

"That's a psychologist's job Jane." He joins into the light heartedness.

"You seem very relaxed that is good. Usually it takes a lot for me to get those who have undergone such ordeals to open up."

"Well, if you don't smile you cry… that's how it goes right?"

"Very precise." He smiles.

She undergoes most of the things that Maura had.

"So tell me about your past?"

"My father was amazing, until recently, my mother was protective but that is understandable."


	38. Together again

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

"Until recently?"

"Late midlife crisis, he left the family. It hurt of course. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself."

"I understand, so I know you remember everything clearly, is that right? Of your own abduction and saving others."

All the joy drained away in that moment.

"It is all a bit to clear. It is hard. I, have nightmares. It is difficult to differentiate it all. I went through training and testing which is mandatory. I can handle it, it is just exceptionally mandating. Being a cop, it involves mind, body, and soul."

"You are not the first to feel this way Jane. Don't believe you are alone. The job can take life in more way than one especially for cops."

"I'm from Southie. You don't have to tell me that twice. I have seen more lives ruined than I care to admit."

"Jane you do not have to be strong one hundred percent of the time. The dreams are your mind telling you to rest, calm down, and take a step back. Your body is telling you to slow down. You need to discuss this with those who are closest t you, is that understandable?"

"Yeah. It actually is."

"Jane you can rely on others. It is okay to get attached. You should get attached. You know what you want and that is the important thing."

"You think so?"

"I know it. You have a good head on your shoulders, it shouldn't be too much to help you through all of this, and I know you want what is best. Now, tell me about Maura."

"I feel like I am not good enough for her."

"For her…?" He questions. He didn't want to push his knowledge. He wanted to let Jane tell her on his own.

Jane gulped.

"Well I, we agreed to keep it quiet. Only one other person knows the truth. My mother knows my feelings, and she seemed supportive, and Sergeant Korsak… Do you know him?"

The therapist indicated he did.

"Well …" She continues. "I love her, we are together. I don't want to affirm anything though."

"Why is that?"

"When things get serious, things go wrong."

"Maura told me that she thought she was pregnant."

"What did she say about it?" Jane seemed almost too eager. "I mean everything has been really hard to comprehend lately."

"That must be frustrating."

"It is, but I could never leave her. I came here for her. It was her idea, you see? I mean I wanted help too, I have dealt with it all before so by now it is just routine. Now though, she sees it. It makes me feel vulnerable."

"That's fine Jane. It is okay to feel exposed, to feel a crack in the armor at times. It only means you are normal and have limits. It's good she is there for you. I know eventually there will be a trigger and she will experience the same thing. Both of you should take it upon yourselves to study what to do for one another and yourselves when you undergo an unpleasant attack."

"That's a good plan. I really have looked into it for personal reasons. She usually is able to calm me down."

"That is good. You need that." He is genuine and warm. "Please call Maura in and come back. I'll tell you the plans I have. Both of you so much promise, and I am excited to see you work in groups."

"As am I."

She leaves and calls Maura in.

"So, how was it?" Maura imitated Jane's earlier reaction.

Jane grinned. "You are right. He's good. It wasn't the end of the world."

They walk back into the room again and take their seats.

"So, this is very interesting. I would like you to come to group therapy next week and we can do more individual work. I think that it would be very beneficial."

"We can still come together though yes? After everything that has happened it is hard to leave her alone. "

"If it will make things easier."

"It would make us grateful." Maura joined in.

"May I be honest with you ladies?"

"Fire away." Jane stated.

"Well, you two are very co-dependent on each other and a tad obsessive. It is almost to the point of unhealthy."

"Whoa whoa, that's a little too much. We didn't ask for that." Jane was surprised and becoming defensive.

He finds it endearing partly but he had more to say.

"I understand it though." He looks between them once more. "I know you two are together and it would not seem as bad if you two just told the truth."

His eyes land on Jane. "Maura wants you to tell Jane. She does not feel it is her place to ask anymore."

"Is that true?" She turned to the other woman.

"Yes. It is."

"Now Maura, Jane wants to tell. I didn't push her and she told me, that tells me something and it means something. It just has to be on her terms. She is used to being in control. Jane, you have to let Maura in though, if this is to be healthy then it is impossible until both of you are exposed."

"What do you recommend we do?" Jane questioned. It is hard for her to talk to people but this man seemed to have softness to him.

"Well, firstly, usually I would recommend time apart. It is what is best for those of this status. You both need to see how to handle the stress of life without the other. This is a special case though. I feel that Jane will be the trigger somehow. I would say to go about things normally but start being more open, with each other and those around you. It'll be much easier with those who have undergone similar situations, which is what the group was created for. Speaking about it and accepting it is the first part of recovery. No more denial."


	39. Clean slate fresh start

**Disclaimer I do not own R&I**

They went home that night and felt more energized than in days. They couldn't help but feel things had started to get better already as both lie together in bed once more. The two understood why the therapist had decided not to address the issue of the baby. He wanted them to discuss it privately. Everything was starting to be glued back together. The glass was being re-blown with fire and heat. The fire they felt for one another. The same thing that made them tremor but feel warmth spread throughout their body at the same time. It was not something that could be controlled.

"J?"

"Yeah M?"

"I'm tired of being shadowed. I'm tired of this cloud looming over us. There are two reasons that could be why I do not remember. A block mentally, or I literally had it knocked out of me by that monster."

She turned on her side now.

"I just want to start over."

Now Jane turned to look at Maura.

"Can we please just be happy? I, I really understand it all now. I think that this is our chance to just… move on. There is no baby to tie us anymore so now it has to be us to do that."

"You are right that's true. It could… be a fresh start." Jane smiled.

"You asked me if I was happy and honestly I am. Now I am, because, this all means there is a way for us to start without anything. It is a blank slate. We were so close last time. It was perfect. You are still that girl who made my heart skip when you leaned on the bike. I know you are."

"And… You are the girl who wooed me with candy and a fancy dinner and when you leaned down while playing pool."

They laughed together once more.

She took her hands and ran them up Maura's arms.

"We can tell tomorrow. I want to do this. It will be excellent, we need to talk this out, us together, and those around us."

"I love you Jane. I always have. I always will. I don't want us to feel obligated. That was the opposite of what we were before all of this occurred. I want you to want me, for me."

Jane stroked Maura's hair.

"Me too. We can do this. We can overcome. Look at me! I don't even mind using the "royal we"."

Maura nuzzled into Jane's neck.

Jane whispered in Maura's ear, "Wait, wait here."

She went into the closet which they both shared now, that's when she knew it was all real, when Maura had emptied half the closet so they could officially move in together and did so without complaint. Jane came back with a shoebox.

"What is all of this?"

Jane smiled.

"Remember I told you that you would never know how much it all meant to me? Maybe one day? Well today should be that day. I think we can really do this now. I don't want us to be selfish, to hide anything."

Maura opened the lid and could not believe her eyes at what was inside.

It was every little thing. Every little thing of theirs, together.

There was a bowling ticket from their first date. The little notes Maura had written, the ticket from Africa. There was a copy CD of Amazed by lone star. Their most prized pictures printed out.

Then Maura saw it. Letters and not just one but multiple ones.

Jane got a gleam in her eye.

"I wrote you. I wrote you every day you were gone. I don't want there to be baggage. I want to move on however that means to you. I want to be supportive. You left and I understood and then I got you back." Her voice cracked "Things just got so mixed up between that moment and now. We got so lost. "

"But we found each other again. It is alright now. It'll be alright."

Maura read the letters, each one of them. She remembered who she had fallen in love with. Jane seeing Maura in this light felt that exact same movement within her watching the reactions of the curiosity, her understanding. It was wonderful. She would never let her go.

It was their first real obstacle they faced together and one of the hardest ever now they were free. No more living in the past, they were not in the land of the Dead as Maura would put it.

Some letters were short others explained her love in detail, but love was written all over them.

"J- thank you. I needed this."

"I know babe. I need you."

"Don't be scared around me. Don't think I will leave. Don't tip toe around anything. For this to work, we can't be scared of one another."

"Just Promise me the same."

Maura could not help herself. She went over to Jane and kissed her passionately. Every negative emotion once again melted away. Those butterflies? They were still there. The wings tickled their stomachs. The heat from Maura's volcano fantasy radiated between them.

Jane was equally transfixed. She knew this would have never happened, If it weren't for the other woman. They needed this, each other. The reliance was still there, the mutual understanding slowly starting to reappear with every touch. When she did not see Maura sitting she knew it was wrong and this was why, it was Maura all along.

Everyone knew that and now, here they were once again. Mending fences and slowly getting over the past, with each touch.

Nothing like this was ever thrown their way. It was new, and it was an experience, in both ways. From the abduction taking time to the fact they were together. Everything was undetermined but they were willing to play into the universe's hands.

Dopamine and serotonin are released when kissing it is said. Oxycotin also took over. If that were the case then the girls could have been on their own personal high. They needed no drug just one another. Lips became swollen. Hands roamed the body once more.

Maura was a doctor and knew the chemicals but even she would not be able to describe the feeling.

There would be things to work out in therapy but now, it could be done.

Some might say waiting for the vows, leaving for Africa, it all seemed selfish.

One would be considered wrong always by one person or another but at this moment the girls didn't care. It was nothing but love.

It was time to move on and move forward, no looking back. A new chapter that seemed so familiar started once more in that room.

The fates tempted. This however seemed like a dream, no more nightmares. Not on this night. Not during this time, their time.

It would by no means be easy but this was their story. This was their love and nothing was left to do but surrender.

Once more they were in those situations where they could not keep themselves from one another, any part of themselves.

This was it, they were it for each other. No more denying, no more responsibility, they were just able to be. No more worrying if Jane would bring anything back, because if she did they would deal with it together. No more fear of safety. It was pure letting go. They let go of everything once more, as it is what they did best.

Maura pulled on Jane's hair with want now. No more awkwardness. They would get the help needed. They would be able to be there for one another fully committed as they always had been in within their hearts. Maura had flirted with guys, Jane had flirted with guys, but there was no more dancing around the subject. Souls and bodies were forever intertwined after that day, pick any of the days and that would do. They proved this multiple occasions.

In unison they giggle as they fell back on the bed and their necklaces intertwined getting stuck.

For two grown and mature women it was very juvenile but when it came to one another that is how they made each other feel. They made each other feel young, wanted, needed, and Maura's favorite, beautiful.

"J?"

"Mmm?" Jane mumbled.

"I'm going to take you out again."

"That's magnificent."

The world was extravagant. The world is gigantic. The population was about seven billion. There was only one person for Maura however.

There was only one person for Jane. They could travel the world, and had Maura tried, but this, this was home. It came down to simplicity and they were simple to one another and still, yet complex enough to keep one another reeling.

"You are still my best friend." Maura smiled through the kiss.

"You are mine sweetie, and you have always been so much more."

It is claimed not everyone dreams in color. Some it is said dream in black and white much as a dog views the world. Jane Rizzoli, the tough hard cop, and Maura Isles the fashionable genius knew that for them it was not the case. When they were with one another everything was vivid. Everything was exclaimed. From a slap, to a love song, to everything in between, nothing remained quiet.  
Senses were always ready and on high alert but now it was in the most beautiful, exhilarating, and wonderful ways.

The spool finished. The final scene ended. This was them. This was their story.


	40. Author's Note

So I would like to thank everyone who has read! You all are amazing and I thank you all for going through this journey with me. I truly hope this fic was different and realistic. I feel that her having the scare was important, and them being able to move on now is also. It is a situation not even the show has undergone and felt therapy is often looked over in writing in general, along with true torture. It is difficult, things can be seen through rose glasses for some time but when something like this comes along it changes people. No one is beyond repair and I remind myself of that daily. They are strong independent women who are not made of glass or scared. They will continue to work in therapy. I really hope you enjoyed it! I felt this was a good place to end the story. You will find out what happens but I know the actual show is coming back on fairly soon so I want to see how it plays out and am rather excited! Jane Rizzoli has inspired me, as has Maura, and they always have. They are characters who mean a major deal to me and I love them. They give me courage. In all honesty, this started out as a one shot with the first chapter and nothing more, but I put myself into it. They lead me. This being my first piece will always make it special to me! When I come back I expect to have multiple chapters done so please be patient. There will be a second part so do not fret. Some comments made me want to re-evalutae certain things. I will also read over it and look for errors and correct! This was a roller coaster, hopefully the sequel will be even better.

Thank you once again, for everything. I hope each one of you got some joy from this, as much as I had writing it.

If anyone has any requests or questions P.M.!

I am forever grateful.

-Thewriterwhoisalone


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